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Now, let’s be honest here: The majority of married couples don’t actually get around to having sex on their wedding night. You might as well scrap what watching all those rom-coms taught you. After all the craziness that is surviving your wedding day in tact, you’re usually drunk, exhausted, or both by the time you get back to your room. That said, who wants to be a statistic? (Especially on their wedding night.) We didn’t!
I say, add “getting laid” to your wedding day to-do-list, right alongside all the other tasks you’ll go bat shit crazy over seeing go undone. And, if you’re gonna make it a priority, you might as well do it right. Men, here’s a handy little guide to what your wife-to-be will really want to get out of the evening’s activities, and ladies, here’s your first official “honey do” list.
A Good Laugh
Undressing is sexy; slipping out of a 20-pound gown is not. It will be funny, and you should laugh long and hard about it. The same goes for all the other “bloopers” you’re bound to experience that night.
Naughty Vows
You’ve already vowed to cherish and protect each other at all costs. Now it’s time to make the juicier promises you fully intend to keep. You get where I’m going with this, right? Let’s keep this post safe for work and let you fill in the blanks.
Background Music
This is the part where the movies got it right. Nothing sets the mood quite like a naughty playlist. [Insert her favorite slow jams here.]
Compliments
Every woman wants to be told they’re the most beautiful bride in the world on the big day. If your betrothed says she doesn’t want the same shameless flattery between the sheets on the big night, she’s lying. Case closed.
Liquid Confidence
Nerves and weddings go hand in hand – even when you’ve known each other forever. Bring your bubbly of choice to the bedroom and pour as you play.
Something for All Her Senses
You’ve got the touching covered, but what about her other senses? Be sure the room is scented, styled, and soundproofed to perfection. And, don’t forget the sweets.
An Orgasm
Memo to all men: Your wedding night is not the time to go all selfish on your fiancée – save that for marriage. (I kid!)
Foreplay
Slow things down – what’s the rush? The rest of the day will already feel like a blur by the time you enter your suite, so the after party is your chance to take your time and make more lasting memories.
Romance (Obviously!)
If your wife-to-be actually walked across the threshold, there are no lit candles in sight, and no flowers to be found, men, you have already failed her – try not to make it a habit when you get home.
Comfort
I have nothing against bathroom sex, floor sex, or even patio sex – they’re a real rush!– but no woman wants to wake up the morning after her wedding with weird bruises in unwanted places and zero recollection of how they got there. That’s the complete opposite of romantic.
True Passion
Skip the clichés and tell her what it really feels like to be laying next to the woman of your dreams on the most magical night of your life.
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Well this is interesting! I wasn't a wedding night statistic – we actually did the deed! I say if you don't get it right the first time, you have a lifetime to do so.
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I agree totally! Thanks for the comment love!
We engaged in "adult play," but I can't lie…it took a mintue to get there. First of all, my feet were hurting…second, I was tired from the prep/wedding pictures/dancing/drinking…third, it took a while to get out of my wedding dress since it had a corset back. Comfort was priortity on my list. We got married on a resort, and my feet were hurting so bad that we were transported to our villa for the night…in a golf cart, lol!
My feet never hurt because I "cheated" and slipped into bridal wedges the minute we jumped the broom and the camera wasn't looking. i thought it was genius until i got back t the room and realized the bottom of my dress was ruined because the wedges were an inch shorter than the heels i had my dress fitted in — i was so upset.
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ha ha you're an expert! I never actually thought about it. I've only been married about 6 years (in Sept).
Foreplay should have been number one LOL. Why do men always wanna rush. Dang, don't they know women are more like wood ovens? They need to put that microwave mentality away!
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Thanks for the support Michelle! (And the comment love!)
I admit it, your points are the universal ones, they are all what a wife could want, but these are a big pleasure for the man as well. Honestly, I have done the most of them at my wedding last year:)
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I love this post! You are absolutely right in saying that the wedding night after a huge celebration is exhausting! I remember we got back to our suite at about 4 in the morning after a long day, and were dead tired! We then laughed at the notion of not "consummating" by agreeing that "we ain't going out like that!" Yes, the day is exhausting, but if you put it on your wedding checklist, it has to get done, right? Love your suggestions on how to make it memorable. Another excellent post sis!
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I love this list! I’m not married yet (5 1/2 months to go, eeeeeeek!), but my fiancé is expecting the deed to be done on our wedding night. I personally would like to be a statistic… lol. I’ll make sure he reads this, so he can get the night right!
We so wanted to be that couple that actually did the deed on our wedding night. Unfortunately we were up super late, and by the time he got me out of that dress (yes we laughed and laughed) we were exhausted. But we made it up to each other the next morning!!
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We had an awesome time reminiscing about the events of the day and then we went to bed…it’s definitely a wonder many people are able to do anything the night of…great post!
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I read that romance is everything for honeymoon. It must have dimly lit budoirs alongside soft and mushy pillows. I can imagine the passion it invokes.
My new hubby & I (15 years ago) were exhausted but managed to make love, albeit not a marathon session. Still a lot of tenderness though. But the next morning through the rest of our honeymoon, boy, did we make up for it!
I hope I will get more posts from you like this.