A while back I read this awesomely frank and very entertaining article by writer Janelle Harris called 10 Annoying Things Single Women Hate to Hear on ESSENCE.com (full disclosure: I work there) and it tickled me just how spot on her list was. I haven’t been a single woman in eight years, but as I read along, I laughed, remembering just how much I cringed to hear some of that “advice” back during my single lady days.
I was reminded of the article the other day when a single girlfriend of mine said something to me I’ve grown very tired of being told. Between her, the article, and those uber popular “Sh*t [fill in the blank] Say” videos that everyone’s watching this month, I started listing all the things married women hate to hear. This is my list. Ladies, hit that “like” button and share it if you can relate.
5. “It’s not a couple thing is it?” – Why is that singles must always assume that any time a married couple invites them out it’s going to be a PDA fest? Or that every sentence we’ll speak will begin with “when you’re married”? Maybe we just want to enjoy your company, have a good laugh, and do what everyone else does when they’re at a social gathering — have fun. Without fail, the minute a married person extends an invitation to a single friend, especially one to an event at their home, this question always follows. No, it’s not a couple thing. It’s a friendship thing. Married people don’t have to be slobbing each other down or referencing their union to have a good time. Get on board, or get over it.
4. “Doesn’t your husband have any single friends like him?” Yikes! Talk about putting the pressure on. Its not that we married folk aren’t usually down for playing cupid, it’s just that it’s a little more complicated than it sounds. Guilt usually follows this question. If your husband doesn’t have any like minded single friends, you find yourself searching through the remaining selection desperately trying to forget why you ruled them out in the first place. Then, if and when you do attempt a hook up, your anxiety levels are high during their first date (which you will of course be forced to chaperone) as you watch between fingers and hope things don’t crash and burn before your eyes – for if they do, it will, of course, somehow be your fault.
3. “Ask your husband what he thinks!” Usually this one is inserted in the middle of a friend’s rant about the wrongdoings or bad behavior of their significant other. This is when your husband becomes Deepak Chopra. This is when things get messy. If you ask him to weigh in, he becomes instantly annoyed at that little space between a rock and hard spot you just put him in. If he comments in your friend’s favor, he’s a traitor to all men, and if he takes her guy’s side, your friend puts him in the jerk category and then you’re forced to defend him, and things start to really get weird between you and her. See where this is going? Danger up ahead!
2. “We didn’t think you’d want to come since you’re married and all.” Again, I say, married women like to let loose too – hell, we probably need the drink more than some single ladies do, most days. Whenever a married woman finds out her girlfriends had a great night out and conveniently left her off the pre-party planning email, this is the excuse we always hear. Listen up single gal pals, it’s a lame one that you can bet is rarely valid. It’s almost as bad as saying “we didn’t think you’d want to go out and have fun because you’re a mom now.” Shame on you!
1. “You haven’t been single in so long, you wouldn’t understand.” We’re married, not suffering from amnesia, people! You think that a married woman has no memories of heartbreak or bad dates? Oh, please. We’re wearing a wedding band, not a desensitized emotion chip. If we mean enough to you for you to unload your problems on us, at least respect us enough to let us say our piece without insult.