An Open Letter to Homewreckers (Ladies You Know Who You Are)

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It’s not often that I call people out for their wrongdoings on this blog, but these feelings have been simmering for some time and I need to release them. (Hey, I’m a writer, that’s what I do.)

I’ve had the misfortune of seeing a few marriages go down in flames lately because the men involved were weak, and the jealous and equally selfish women in their lives preyed on their insecurities. There are a lot of reasons a marriage can, and often should, come to an end, but cheating, in my book, just should not be one of them. It’s avoidable!

It hurts my heart to hear my husband speak about women he encountered who saw his wedding band and proceeded to solicit him still, or those who ask him how his wife is on Monday then tell him they’d like to be “a little more than friends” on Tuesday. Seriously? These women lose all my respect, and for them, I have a few choice words. They are below.

(Disclaimer: This letter (only) goes out to all the women out there who find it acceptable to flirt with and/or pursue another woman’s husband, and especially to those who’ve acted on such flirtations in a way that would unanimously be considered cheating by said man’s wife and family. If you don’t fit the bill, you shouldn’t take this letter personally — it’s not for you. Also, I’m fully aware that women cheat too, and men can be the first to initiate affairs, but I’m not talking about either group right now, okay? One post at a time. Cool, now let’s do this.)

Dear Homewreckers,

Why don’t you respect yourselves enough to respect my marriage or my family? I get it, you want a man of your own, and you crave love in your life. That’s fine. What isn’t fine, however, is that you seek this love in a man that’s already found it with someone else. If I can respect that you need love and have the right to pursue it with single men, why won’t you respect that I’ve found what you’re after and it means the world to me?  

It’s no secret that marriage is work. This means the woman who is devoted to the man wearing the wedding band whom you’re so eagerly enticing has been working very hard on the job and your actions could result in her losing all that she’s worked to obtain. What’s that? It takes two? Of course it does; and I say shame on the men who fall into your trap too. A man who loves and cherishes his wife for all the right reasons should see that no good will come from engaging in an indiscretion with you.

You say you’re in search of “real love” and a “good man”, but what on earth makes you think that a man who would step out on his own family to play pretend with you is actually worth your time?  And exactly how do you expect to sleep at night once he’s “yours”? Self love is the key that opens the door to so many wonderful things in life.  Working over time to open a door that’s not for you to walk through will almost ensure that there’s no prize behind it, but rather unimaginable heartache and pain.

You say there’s a shortage of good men in this world. Is that so? Well, if that’s true, how is the solution to that possibly forever tainting one of the few who still remain? Seems like desperate and reckless behavior to me. Are those the kinds of values you want to build a relationship on? You shouldn’t.

I know a lot of you tell yourselves that if he chooses to be with you then he must have made “the better choice”, but I just don’t see it that way. I see a man who chose the easy route and a woman with values as poor as his own; a man who will most likely one day leave you too. (You’re fooling yourself if you think he won’t.) That’s no man I’d want to choose; so why do you?

Oh wait, is it because you “can love him better”? Or because you “do all the things she just won’t”, right? It may be time to ask yourself if all the “things” you do that he likes so much are those becoming of a real woman or lady?

You see him doing right by the woman he cherishes and you tell yourself those are the qualities that make up the kind of man you’ve always wanted to have for yourself. Yet, you don’t count disloyalty as a negative? Where’s the logic there?

Look, I want you to be happy too, I do. But I’m here to tell you that you won’t find any joy in ruining another woman’s marriage. Before you walk over to that married man you’ve had your eye on for weeks (or months, or years) and say something you know you’ll regret, I beg you, think again.

Here are some thoughts I recommend you ponder in that moment: Why do you want to be his “friend” if he’s married, happily or not? Will you be able to live with yourself when you see another woman’s life fall apart because you selfishly tried to improve your own at her expense? Do you think you can build a happy home right on top of a broken one? Why don’t you love yourself enough to recognize that you deserve a healthy, happy, relationships untarnished by grief and guilt from day one? We hear often that we should treat others as we hope to be treated. This applies to how you meet your man ladies. Steal him once, and he’ll be stolen again. When that happens, you’ll want to write your own angry letter, I promise you.

Oh, and one last thing. For those of you who feel you have a “true connection” with a married man and he feels the same for you – wait! If he’s the right man and he’s truly unhappy in his marriage, he’ll end things properly, on his terms, and without your interference. Then he’ll cool his heels until it’s once again the right time to pursue new love with you. That’s how it should go. Encouraging or asking him to choose your happiness over his family’s pain is foolish, and he’s an even bigger fool if he takes you up on it. Love is patient, love is kind…think it through!

Okay, I’m done…back to your regularly scheduled programming, I swear!

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63 Responses to An Open Letter to Homewreckers (Ladies You Know Who You Are)

  1. Attorney2be says:

    Unfortunately I’ve been on both sides. While I won’t say I pursued I didn’t back away either. But that was when I was young and dumb. Nothing good comes out of it. I can tell you stories. I’m much wiser and when it happened to me, I was devastated. I really knew how she felt. Don’t do it. Let God bless you with your own. I sometimes wonder if my punishment was it happening to me?

  2. Cindee says:

    Bravo as a happily married women for 36 years to my high school sweet heart. totally agree respect the ring my husbands case tattoo band . He can’t wear a band in his work for fear of death IE shock losing his finger. So bravo to him to make his statement in ink. I love him and trust him so watch out women who prey on him he is mine. Enough said ! Great post glad we meet in commenthour

  3. justmewith says:

    Whoa. What I like best about this post is that you were clear about narrowing the focus. Your disclaimer is perfect. You are talking about women who pursue married men in a way that would result in what the wife would consider cheating. So perfectly identified. And I also love the fact that you were clear that the topic of this post is the women who pursue married men. It is refreshing that you don't try to be so all inclusive in a single post. Genders are equal intellectually, but some experiences and social considerations are just different. It is okay to discuss them separately. Bravo. Really. So refreshing. It doesn't negate the existence of the gender opposite issue when only one scenario is discussed at a time. It just makes the discussion more directed, focused and relevant. Bravo.
    My recent post The Annual Holiday Party — Met Expectations

  4. justmewith says:

    Damn, I got so caught up I didn't even pay attention to your gender. So I say to you, the Wife, "Brava."
    My recent post The Annual Holiday Party — Met Expectations

  5. Johnna says:

    I love it!!! Tactful and Respectful in everyway!! Great post!!!!!!

  6. Krys Talley says:

    Whoa! I really loved this blog article. You gave it to em straight. I am on your boat helping you sail this ship. I too, don’t agree with women who openly flirt with married men KNOWING that they are unavailable. Yes, it does take two to tango, but it only takes one to initiate the dance!!! SO, very well written and I hope some homewreckers see this and weep. Praying for all the ladies out there (including myself) who have to endure insecure, selfish, trifling women who can’t abstain from wrecking other people’s lives. Thanks for that Wife! :)

    • hoe hater says:

      i knew this girl nicole silver she was friends with my boy friend for years they never did anything but once he started to date me that change she would call our house everyday saying untrue things about me and telling my bf what she wanted to do to him .he ended up not doing anything and told me the truth and we never talked to her again but since this shes trashed me when she tryed to be the home wrecker, mine u she was in a relation ship to with 3 kids she ended up losing i guess she was a perostatute for 20 dollars can get u anything with that slut so nicole silver i hope u see this u dirty slut .ive always been a nice person when when u mess with my family u went to far slut

      • hoe hater says:

        i know i shouldnt of used the sluts name but she had know reason to trash my name around just because my husband wouldnt fall for her .mind u this happend like 2 years ago she still tryed to send him naked pictures online but lucky he got me to check out his email .i asked myself why now when befor me was single for years and she could of made a move then .but i guess thats what makes a home wrecker they dont care about anyone but them self they get joy out of trying to split up familys even though she had her own family well not now . I ended up finding out after she couldnt get my man she ended up spliting up a family with 2 kids that lived acrossed the road from her its sad that there r people out there like this

  7. Miss Solomon says:

    While I understand your letter and feel for married women who have their men systematically targeted and their marriages ruined I have to disagree to some degree with your letter. Let's not blame food for making us fat. We know there are temptations in the world and doing the wrong thing is typically easy but you can't blame a ducking for quacking. Homewreckers wreck homes, that's what they do. Wives and husbands have to safe guard their marriage against such evils. You can't blame the temptation. Blame your strong desire or your weak will. As woman who has dated but never pursued married men I found that their marital issues had nothing to do with me. And had it not been me, it would have been some other woman. Men who cheat will find a willing participant regardless. Like I said, I appreciate the message but a woman who seeks married men can't wreck a marriage by herself. A letter to wives on how to prepare their marriage for homewreckers might be as if not more effective.

    • ManWifeDog says:

      I totally agree with all that you're saying. I don't think I've left the men out here, or pointed the blame just on them. I make quite a few references to the men involved in these affairs and my thoughts on their behavior as well. However, this letter was very pointed and I made that clear in my disclaimer. It's not always good to speak in a general manner when the matter is so sensitive. I did my best to tackle a specific issue, versus, trying to cover the many, many layers with an adulterous relationship discussion. I speak so much about safeguarding, protecting, and preparing your marriage here that I felt it was necessary, and okay, to change the pace here. I hope you'll come back and read again. I think you'll find I try my best to speak as fairly as possible. Thanks for the comment love!

    • HeartLikeFire says:

      This is in response to Miss Solomon. I believe a lot of this comes down to self respect. I don't wear other people's underwear. I don't drink after other people. So why the hell would I be okay sleeping with or dating a man that has already committed himself before man and God to another woman, and dare to say that behavior is okay? This is why I can't condone Miss Solomon's response. You may not wreck the marriage by yourself, but you sure don't help. It's like saying Joey pulled the trigger first, but then I shot 4 more bullets into Gary. Guess what? You still helped kill the person, even if you believed they were already dead.

      You also said that you were "a woman who has dated but never pursued married men," but the question is, why would you even date them, knowing they were with someone else? See, I don't date married men, and I won't. And believe it or not, it's not just about them. It's also about me. I think too many of us are willing to play second fiddle to someone else. I wish a married man thought it was okay to date me, to place me below his wife. I'm too good to be second to anyone, but God. You don't get to put a ring on someone else's finger but then call me for sex and conversation. And don't give me the "he gives me money," because there are plenty of divorced, and/or older, and/or single men willing to give you just as much money, sex and conversation as any married man. And I think if a lot of women thought like this (and men, cuz they love married women too), this world would be a better place. I wish a man would call me to complain about his wife not giving him sex, about her being annoying, and about how much pain he is in. Guess what? You chose to wife her, now choose to deal with it. I don't have time to listen to your crap, get out of my life. And frankly, I don't really care. It's your problem not mine.

      But I also need to write to the author of this article. I feel like these articles are futile. Guess what? Some women don't care that a man is married, and I believe all you did was fuel their fire for why they go out with men who already are tied to someone else. Sadly, there are a lot of women out here who will watch a man disrespect his wife/girlfriend, laugh at it, and then be dumb enough to get with that sorry ass fool, believing it will be something different. But it won't. It's kind of ridiculous. Sadly though, for a lot of people, someone isn't even appealing to them until they are with someone else. Some of those women that go after your husband wouldn't even give him a second look if he weren't wearing that ring. Shameful but true.

  8. Yes, yes, yes….tell them! The letter get straight to the point. I love it. I once knew a true home wrecker. Her job was to wreck shop on a marriage or relationship. As soon as the did the damage, she would happily move on to the next couple knowing she had no intentions of having a relationship with the man. Pure evil I tell you.
    My recent post Imagine That

    • Ramona says:

      That maybe what it was in my case but i spit out alot of venum right now i suppose i needed to to find clarity. But i came to the conclusion now that i vented i just want the other woman to be ok and to tell her i lost what i lost and i am going to be ok also. And thats what women need to do more of talk to eachother out of concern. Just as no one really knew what i was going threw when all this happened i dont know the other womans story either. I know i just feel better .

  9. Elaine says:

    It takes two to tango. A person can not wreck a home that is on a solid foundation. All anger should be directed toward the person who betrayed their vows, not the 3rd party.

    • ManWifeDog says:

      If "it takes two" then shouldn't you divide your anger between them, as I'm suggesting?

      • Cat says:

        I agree 100% with Elaine. Look at my post.

      • Ramona says:

        I dont think so because my take on it is that the marriage and its problems are handle by two not three people. She is the one who entered into his life knowing he didnt belong to her therefore she gets the blame

    • Thewife says:

      As a married women I would be furious if my husband cheated on me. As far as I’m concerned a women who knowingly approaches a married man is a whore. Due to family issues he had growing up my husband agrees. I love my husband and our family, I would lie, cheat, steal and kill for them. We did make those vows to each other your right, that means I only owe my forgiveness and understanding to him. If he went astray with some used up whore, considering the depths of my passion and commitment as long as he was truly sorry (he would be punished and have to deal with all the nastiness it would bring out) I would forgive him. Marriage is a commitment I don’t take lightly. I love my husband, my love for him is an all consuming passion nothing some common (all whores are common) whore could match I promise you. Our family is my LIFE. And my LIFE will be defended so I say this; He married ME he picked ME…If YOU can’t help yourself and try to take MY life from ME at all in anyway (like fucking my man). YOU should know some of us still believe in an eye for an eye, not turning the other cheek. Do anything that threatens MY LIFE you could pay with yours. Just saying; something for you to consider while your telling yourself he’s the one that’s wrong you don’t owe his wife anything. She doesn’t owe you either and you just threatened her life.

    • Heather says:

      Spoken like a true homewrecker.

      • NoShesactuallycrazy says:

        This woman’s post has nothing to do with home wreckers. This post was all about what is hers. There’s a lot of me, mine, my and I in there.

        Possession is the opposite of love.

        One sin does not justify committing another. She’s talking about killing someone if they mess with her husband. That’s just nuts. The whole statement is full of anger, not love, and shows extreme insecurity. I actually feel bad for her. Sounds like she needs therapy.

    • Ramona says:

      Look i just gave the other woman a benefit of the doubt but why is it you 3rd psrty cant understand you dont belong in their marriage. You dont belong thete so why do you insist that you do. The way i handle my husband is my business not yours. I will never share with you what we as husband and wife talk about intimately. So i blame you for clinging where its not wanted by one person at least.

  10. {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After says:

    Well written, Charli! The first line says it all: if you won't respect his wedding band or the boundaries it should set between the two of you, at least respect yourself enough to respect the fact that we're married and our family matters.

  11. majo says:

    snapping my fingers and slow clapping for you right now. you were PERFECT in what you wrote.

  12. Keli says:

    The crazy thing is, I have encountered women who prefer married men because in their minds… if he takes care of his wife, then he's in a position to take care of me. Truly flawed logic. Contrary to what "homewreckers" would have you believe, they are insecure and have little to no self worth. Otherwise, they would not look for comfort and validation in the arms of another woman's husband.

  13. Alexis says:

    I’m late but you know I love a classy tell off! Lol it is a shame that a marriage/relationship is only respected by the two people who actually took the vows and decided to make the commitment.

  14. Pingback: AN OPEN LETTER TO HOMEWRECKERS | SunSoaked Roots

  15. coco says:

    I wish there was a site to display these homewreckers for all to see. I lost my ex to my best friend.
    His comment was that "she was his best friend". After I caught them, I blamed them both equally. Since they were both married at the time. Even though she has told others that he pursued her, I found out he wasn't the only married man she had gone after. I think this shows she has a screw loose.
    oh well, better things are ahead for all of us… what goes around, comes around…

  16. Pingback: Latest Topix – Charli Penn: 11 Things Women Really Want From Wedding Night Sex

  17. guest says:

    I soooo wish i could print this off and send it to the "homewrecker" in my life. My husband of 11 yrs left me 5 months ago w/4 kids and one in the "oven" for some stupid girl he met in a bar. Just talking to her, LOOKING at her, you can tell she's one the hunt to find some man to "save" her from all the troubles in her life, and find a new daddy for the one kid she DOES have custody of (cuz she walked out on the second guy and left him with a 1 and 3 yr old.) I look at the pictures of them and i know him too well- the expression on his face is so fake, and she just looks like a desperate idiot. And just for the record, I was a damn good wife, and we have 4.5 kids he definitely was "getting it" at home lol. Just decided it was too hard and we were too much work for him, and its easier to be with a woman with no responsibilties. Well we are doing just fine on our own and good riddance those two losers can have each other!

  18. hoe hater says:

    i find its sad to hear of women doing thi
    s to other women we should respect each other there losts of single men out there so why look for the ones that r taken i just dont understand it

  19. Deena says:

    The woman that pursued my husband of 7 years was my friend! When I confronted her about her calling and texting him before they were actually in a sexual relationship she said they were just friends and to not be threatened by her. It happened just like I said it would, she first changed her number, then she was blocking her phone number and most recently she called from a pay phone. She went as far as signing up to be a volunteer at his place if employment. She knew a lot about us because she was a friend, and to this day I believe she was jealous of the life him and I had until then. He was loving, attentive, we have a beautiful home, we went on great vacations. She liked all of that because she is a stay at home mom with a boring yet nice man. I don’t blame all of it on her, because my husband had the bigger hand on this, he didn’t protect our marriage or remember the vows he took when he married him, what I am astounded by is the relentless pursuit that engaged on….. She actually spent her husband’s hard earned money on paying for hotels and gifts for my husband! What a poor excuse of a woman, what low morals and examples for her daughters. I was never taught to hate anyone, but I do hate her…. My husband and her have forever changed my life…… :-(

  20. Skigirl says:

    Hi – Thank you for writing this. However – I respectfully disagree with it. Many women blame "the other woman / man" but they won't look at what they did to contribute to this problem in the marriage. I have been on both sides. But let's look at the facts.

    If you do any reading on this topic (both from men and women) – Men are from Mars / Women are from Venus (John Grey) or Light His Fire (ellen kreidman) what you will notice is there is a lot of psychology behind having a good relationship. Marriage LTR – what ever. A good man of character won't leave a relationship where he is getting his needs met and actively working on. A good man will leave though if he is fed up with trying. In this case something had long since gone in a relationship that caused this man to justify his leaving you for someone else. A lot of women get married and stop trying, they get extremely lazy in their relationship. They stop being intimate and loving, and start acting the role of a nagging wife, a man will feel trapped in the arrangement of marriage.

    If this is not you, and not the case then what is? While it may hurt, at the end of the day you should actually THANK (yes I said THANK) the home wrecker for getting a weak, player or serious lack of character man out of your house.

    And as the wife if you find yourself fighting to keep that kind of man – what does that say about YOU and YOUR self esteem? You are more embarrassed and your ego actually is hurting because you feel you failed at something. Marriage. It does take two to make it fail and to make it work.

    At the end of the day no home can be be wrecked by a woman or a man that has a strong basis for a foundation of love and is actively being worked on (where both people have good character. Most wives (as husbands) are to blame for not working at their marriage and understanding what makes it tick/not tick.

    Sex and ego are always a main driver for a man. Men are very different from women in how they think and function too. What a woman thinks and wants is usually completely off base from what a man is actually needing from you to keep him in Love and Happy. People give what they wish to receive and don't actively try and understand what it is the other person needs.

    A good home wrecker knows this (I am not talking about the weak average minded floozy…I am talking about an educated, woman who can hold her own, who targets your unhappy man and actively employs psychology to steal him from you because he meets her needs and she perceives value in him. Lord help you if you are up against this kind of woman, you got lazy in your marriage and you do not seek help to fight back.

    This is a very smart woman who will actually take your man from you, convince him to divorce you and leave you and end up hers (married or otherwise) until she realizes that she doesn't trust him or he is too weak for her then she will get rid of him. Its a sad story. However when 60% of marriages end in divorce and most people are marrying later in life guess what? That is where most women who are not married are going to end up looking. Many times it is two people both in committed relationships to others, just waiting for the excuse to leave. When they find that other person they do leave. At this point it is too late. That person was long gone from the relationship.

    This is not the dark ages – people do not have to stay in bad committed relationships that are not working out for years on end and tolerate being miserable. Divorce, while never pleasant, is easy by most means. yes it can wreck people financially (actually the lawyers do that) but from a sanity perspective many do it. Many people get stuck and are just "existing" in a bad relationship (marriage or otherwise) – Men also won't go to get help unless you are threatening the end of the relationship – and if they do – More than likely they will blame YOU for not giving them what they needed. To some degree it does work both ways. The only thing however you can change is yourself.

    Ladies – figure out how to "BE" in a relationship. Then try and fix the relationship if you think its worth it. Be warned its not easy. You have to be willing to take a deep look at yourself and resentment sets in hard after you know your man had hot steaming sex with another woman that was not you and the ability to forgive that is hard. It will also just prolong the inevitable. You did not deserve that, you will want to even the score and punish him. That kind of poison is not good for a relationship.

    Let it go and move on. If what you said is so true that there are good men out there (cough), uhm then why not get a divorce, move on and find someone who does want a relationship to work out long term with out cheating?

    • Amy says:

      I have to slightly disagree. Your accusation only covers maybe 20% of failed marriages due to infidelity. Why I say this is that I’ve had experience. My marriage ended because only one person was trying while the other was too self absorbed and selfish, didn’t want to change or stop being hostile and unloving, he was the one who ironically ended up cheating even though I was the one not having my needs met. My friend recently caught her boyfriend cheating as well and he was just as bad as my husband in personality and selfishness. What it truly boils down to is that each marriage is just as different and unique as the two people in it. It’s not a matter of “what happened to me means the exact a me is the same exact experience/story with every other failed marriage” no that is just plain unrealistic, and trying to sit here and dissect it With psychological expertise or statistical concepts is wrong. You can’t put a label or any one reason to cheating or faults. A marriage can be strong but let’s say the man is currently having a mid life crisis. He is easy bait for a home wrecker. Let’s say a man is married to a woman who cannot relate to him in the same way another person does and married prematurely and did not yet discover themselves and later on realized they needed something else? Then there is no blame except immaturity but when you aren’t mature you so simply dont know better. There are millions of different reasons why men and women cheat. Some fantasize about it, while others act on the impulses or desires. Everyone is different just like every marriage. It takes two but with home wreckers it takes 3. Home wreckers tend to use these petty excuses to make themselves feel better, when the truth is that no matter how vulnerable a man might be there is still absolutely no excuse to Perdue a married man. If he is a man worth anything even for a home wrecker then both would, as the author states, wait until he decides for himself to be legally unbound to another woman and become available for the home wrecker. A good relationship as I said can only have a solid foundation when both people are already completed and matured, and not looking to be completed by someone else.

      • bored says:

        Good points. The only think you miss here is there is a lot of science behind it in the brain. Men are hard wired to cheat. Women are hard wired to nest. You are indeed fighting that battle. But you are right. Every case is different at every age.

        • bored says:

          As the previous poster said its not so black and white. Yes i have been hurt. More than once. Eomen hurt me first actually When I was younger it was done by my supposed best friends. As i got older not one but two men manipulated me that had power over my job at work. One even went as far to get in the middle of my current relationship where I was struggling and manipulatete it and break it up so he could move in and he held my job over my head on top of it. And he was Married. Id like to say it was all his fault but i was too weak to stop it all and had no where to go and could not lose my job. But I should have stood up to him. The guy before that almost the same situation except for he was violent he was very hard to leave and a stalker. So don’t be so judgemental. But that is not your concern. You are hurt and angry and lashing out. And if you really belive its just the guys fault…Then you my dear friend are naive – pick up a book and start learning so you stop getting hurt. Men are hard wired to cheat. Not an excuse but a reality… Many men are just selfish …Wasnt trying to justify any bad behavior was trying to educate so women can recognize and do somehing about it. Most of the time Its every ones fault. do remember THE WIFE picked that guy to marry. That guy was always gonna cheat if he wasnt already, thats one kind of cheater…the player. Then theres the guy with shattered expectations. He’s a weak one. I would say most of the men are manipulative scum tho….just depends on what your dealing with. 90% of men do cheat because WOMEN let them. If your man’s that weak then I suppose she did you a favor. She will end up with all those problems cause he will do it to her. But that’s the obvious part. You have the right to get rid of the man anytime, go find your self one with some integrity who wont…it may take a really long time but they are out there. Read the Tao of dating. Its written by a guy who cares he telks u the realit of how men thing and all the red flags. That anger you feel towards sone one u don know any thing about only eats you up inside and gIves you cancer. I see so many failed marrages…70% of my friends only together for the kids… most of those women marry men for money and then dont care what the guy does (until he leaves) that’s the worst b/c that guy might have cared at one time and some bitch who was single and younger hones in on that. BUT let me tell you something those men usually are the first to engage. Also the women of today are trained to be gold diggers. Use your looks and Go for the money first. I see it every day at work. Worry about the rest later. we live in a time where dating and marriage is a bubblegum machine. Don’t like the flavor you got…no worries go back for a different flavor. The bubblegum machine is cheap and always full. Good luck. Sorry someone hurt you. I actually do know what it feels like and always have. Just refuse to play the victim anymore. Btw name calling …doesn’t help.

        • Sebastian says:

          Bored,

          How dare you. As a man, I FULLY disagree with your assessment. Not all men are "hard-wired" to cheat. In fact, that is a cop out, and an excuse to blame men. Take RESPONSIBILITY for your actions. You have free-will. As someone who is on the verge of turning 30 years old and has never cheated on any of his past girlfriends (including my current girlfriend of over 4 years), I find your comment disgusting as it generalizes all men into these sexual beasts who possess no self control. All it does is make insecure women out there even MORE insecure, and that in itself is extremely irresponsible. I find it deeply disturbing that there are people out there like you who do not think carefully be fore they speak. You will have to give an account before God when your time comes, and I SO do not envy people like you who are a part of these very serious problem in our world today. Absolutely ridiculous. All men out there reading these, ignore these garbage women; they FEED on the attention like parasites with no regard for anyone's feelings but their own, and in the end, that's all they will have is themselves.

          Stop blaming others for your mistakes! That's my main message here. Women who are tempted to cheat, please hear me when I say this: The pain you will cause is serious. There are thousands of people committing suicide, there are children committing suicide; there are families being ruined by these extremely selfish actions. And you know what? As someone who studies history in his spare time and contemplates the human conditions, I have come to the disturbing conclusion that an immoral society in decay (such as ours) eventually becomes destroyed by civil war once stability of the family unit has been severely compromised.

          Cheaters, in my opinion, are provoking God's wrath, and rightly so. People who rationalize this behavior can come up with all the excuses they want. As someone who has been betrayed by many women in his past, I know all too well how painful it can be on the receiving end, and I REFUSE to lower myself to those levels. Even if my current girlfriend cheated on me, I would not be so selfish to string along another girl on the side just to spite her; why would I? Just so that I could hurt THAT girl and feed my ego?

          I cannot believe the narcissism in today's world. Some of you people need to look in yourselves and admit your faults and become better, ADVANCED human beings. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

          Savage, uncivilized behavior on a widespread scale will result in just that, a savage society (which leads to civil wars and brutal conflicts). You've been warned, people. Now spread the word, we do not have much time left to address this very serious problem (which is now approaching critical mass).

          Good day.

    • HURT says:

      Dumb Bitch!
      IF YOU HAVE BEEN ON BOTH SIDES YOU SHOULD KNOW IT IS THE CHEATERS FAULT – NOT THE VICTIM, NOT A LACK IN THE WIFE.
      SLUT. HOPE U GET THE PAIN U DESERVE N SOMEONE BREAKS U.
      STOP JUSTIFYING UR BAD MANNERS, LYING, WHORING

      • bored says:

        As the previous poster said its not so black and white. Yes i have been hurt. More than once. Eomen hurt me first actually When I was younger it was done by my supposed best friends. As i got older not one but two men manipulated me that had power over my job at work. One even went as far to get in the middle of my current relationship where I was struggling and manipulatete it and break it up so he could move in and he held my job over my head on top of it. And he was Married. Id like to say it was all his fault but i was too weak to stop it all and had no where to go and could not lose my job. But I should have stood up to him. The guy before that almost the same situation except for he was violent he was very hard to leave and a stalker. So don’t be so judgemental. But that is not your concern. You are hurt and angry and lashing out. And if you really belive its just the guys fault…Then you my dear friend are naive – pick up a book and start learning so you stop getting hurt. Men are hard wired to cheat. Not an excuse but a reality… Many men are just selfish …Wasnt trying to justify any bad behavior was trying to educate so women can recognize and do somehing about it. Most of the time Its every ones fault. do remember THE WIFE picked that guy to marry. That guy was always gonna cheat if he wasnt already, thats one kind of cheater…the player. Then theres the guy with shattered expectations. He’s a weak one. I would say most of the men are manipulative scum tho….just depends on what your dealing with. 90% of men do cheat because WOMEN let them. If your man’s that weak then I suppose she did you a favor. She will end up with all those problems cause he will do it to her. But that’s the obvious part. You have the right to get rid of the man anytime, go find your self one with some integrity who wont…it may take a really long time but they are out there. Read the Tao of dating. Its written by a guy who cares he telks u the realit of how men thing and all the red flags. That anger you feel towards sone one u don know any thing about only eats you up inside and gIves you cancer. I see so many failed marrages…70% of my friends only together for the kids… most of those women marry men for money and then dont care what the guy does (until he leaves) that’s the worst b/c that guy might have cared at one time and some bitch who was single and younger hones in on that. BUT let me tell you something those men usually are the first to engage. Also the women of today are trained to be gold diggers. Use your looks and Go for the money first. I see it every day at work. Worry about the rest later. we live in a time where dating and marriage is a bubblegum machine. Don’t like the flavor you got…no worries go back for a different flavor. The bubblegum machine is cheap and always full. Good luck. Sorry someone hurt you. I actually do know what it feels like and always have. Just refuse to play the victim anymore. Btw name calling …doesn’t help.

    • Ramona says:

      I disagree. It doesnt matter what a wife does she is still his wife. He took vows with her. If he is unhappy then he should tell her and leave her thats what i believe a good man will do. But i dont know i havent been on the other side of the coin. I have known some and they say it could have been anyone they just needed someone. I believe the other woman fuels the fire in the deception of the affair she tells him the things he wants to hear not the things he needs to hear. And from my experience she will take as much as she can of this man from the wife because she doesnt value herself to find her own husband or she doesnt want a husband at all. But the thrill of knowing she is taking something that belongs to some one else makes her feel like the winner. Its just a sick reality.

  21. Laura says:

    I chose to spend a few nights of sex with a married man, yes I knew he was married but hey, hecwas cheating so what did I care? I found myself manipulating him. It was so easy. He became my lapdog until his dumb wife found out. I know better now. She researched me as much as I researched him before meeting him in a Chattanooga hotel. I regret it though. @laogles don’t do anything you don’t want others to know about.

  22. Pingback: an open letter to home wreckers | yes this really did happen

  23. Pingback: an open letter to home wreckers: ladies you know who you are - yes this really did happen

  24. just his mrs says:

    Kudos, from an angry homewrecker blog writer (me) these women have no morals and no self respect.

  25. Alexi says:

    I do not believe in marriage and monogamy – it is not in the nature of humans. See, humans are mammals, how many other species do you know that are monogamous? If people lived naturally and saintly wives did not want to own men exclusively, there would be much more happy persons on this planet.

  26. Patricia says:

    Men can be homewreckers too. Women aren't the only homewreckers on earth. Married men are the worst homewreckers. They will find a married women and pursue her relentlessly. Let's not blame it all on the women. It takes two to tango and you can't take a man or women that doesn't want to taken away from their marriage. Because of womens liberation more married women have affairs too now. Adultery has horrendous consequences on a marriage. No one considers all the consequences of having an affair when they're dancing in the sheets with the other man or other woman. After the affair is over the participants in the affair and their partners are angry, depressed, feeling guility, etc. It takes a lot of work to get over an affair and they're not worth it.

    • bored says:

      I so agree………some just are more vicious than others. They are hunters and they see the woman as an object and a conquest and the more you resist the harder they come after you. Its because society objectifies women – still wont pay us the same as a man and then expect us to act like its not happening. Its amazing too at work there are no consequences for these actions. The way HR is they protect the men in some sick twisted way. unreal.

  27. shevly says:

    I am a single mom of 2 boys, 8 and 10. My husband left us over 5 years ago and has gone to be with another woman and yet has not filled for divorce. The other woman even have a baby for him But just 2 weeks ago, I complained to a neighbor how much my kids needs their father tho he is an asshole. The she gave me a spell caster contact she has used before in bringing her ex back. +13474916919, I called him and explained my situation to him and he told me he would bring him back in 24 hours. I do not know how this work and also I was a little bit skeptical because he was so confident in telling me that my husband who has gone for 5years would come back in just 24 hours? I was skeptical. But I didn't have any other option, And my neighbor confirm that his spell is great and it worked for her.

  28. Bravo as a happily married women for 36 years to my high school sweet heart. totally agree respect the ring my husbands case tattoo band . He can't wear a band in his work for fear of death IE shock losing his finger. So bravo to him to make his statement in ink. I love him and trust him so watch out women who prey on him he is mine. Enough said ! Great post glad we meet in commenthour

  29. My Wife Cheated says:

    The sad thing is this is not gender specific. On the other side of the Coin we have Guys that pursue the Marriage Pool for woman to entertain themselves. I still think the biggest thing to blame this on is our moral compass. If you cheat you have nothing to loose any more. With states going to no fault divorce you can cheat and it has no effect on Alimony, Child support or Custody. And with most of the states taking Alienation laws away the Homewrecker has nothing to fear except an ass whoping from the the person that significant other cheated with. If wives and husbands knew that cheating could affect the outcome in a divorce and the homewrecker knew they could be sewed for alienation of affection I would be willing to bet that more then 70% of the people today that look towards married people for there entertainment would no longer see that as a viable solution. It really comes down to the American People have said it is OK to cheat because it is no longer against our laws.

  30. Alpha B says:

    Great article! The only thing is you seem to put a heavy emphasis on the women & not so much the men! Saying that these women “prey” on these men & their weaknesses, is condoning behavior that elicits them to cheat with these women. Men who cheat will cheat no matter who initiates it first. The person you should be mad at is your spouse if he encourages the flirting & the friendships. I’m sorry but if a man doesn’t let anyone into his kingdom to usurp his queen then there would be no issue. Blame your spouse & men who are selfish, manipulative, & disloyal! You made vows with him, not the women. There would be nothing to worry about if a man has integrity & values your worth!

    • Ramona says:

      And if his wife was so horrible why did he marry her?

    • Ramona says:

      I stay home now where no one can disturb this queen. And we as a couple are too old now well i am too old now to let whatever my husband does bother me. We go to the market and he chases after skirts so now i dont go to the market with him. He likes his nudy magazines beers and the boys thats just who he is probly will never change and i would rather know these things about him then not know. As far as integrity he says he thanks God everyday for porno stars and my self worth is not determined by him but by my higher power who tells me i am worthy. And thats all i was trying to get across is i hated the other woman for to many years for knowing how to love my husband when i did not. Why didnt i hate my husband because ive been with him so long if he did something stupid it wouldnt surprise me ok im done thanks for letting me share. I think after posting all this i do not want to think of her anymore. Im tired.

  31. ridiculous says:

    And what about a wife that had stepped out on the marriage many times before. What about the fact that she would make him feel like shit for working long hours to support her and pay for her to college and she never stepped up to the plate to do her part. What about him only staying because if the kids and realize that was the only reason he was staying and was not in love with her. What about her constantly bringing drama into their lives and their children’s and he finally gave up. So he is wrong for finding happiness elsewhere. People may not go about things the “right” way but that doesn’t mean another woman is the homewrecker. Maybe the wife wrecked her own home long ago and he lost any feelings he had for her. This does not mean it’s a pattern that he will continue with someone else. There are all types of situations and no one should sterotype them all. I am with a man that is divorcing his wife. Yes we met before he filed for divorce. Did you ever stop and think that maybe someone is stuck and can’t see the light until they are opened up to something more grounded and positive? His soon to be ex wife has out me on a website, made fake profiles of me, given my phone number out to be harassed by her and her friends, kept him from his kids, tried every manipulative game possible. So don’t sit their and paint perfect pictures. If someone truly loved you and was in love they wouldn’t want anyone else. It isn’t another person fault.

    • Truth Teller says:

      Keep talking. I wonder how you’ll explain being with a married man away when your life is weighed at the end. And this life of lies you’ve made for yourself is over. Showing him the light, you say? Is that what you call your bedroom now? Yeah. I’m pointing fingers. It’s not your place to be in someone else’s marital breakdown. You will have to answer for helping to string him away from a faithful life to his wife instead of trying to suggest he look at what had bothered her to that point. Where was he then, when she seemed to become more selfish. He couldn’t have married her with that personality. They must have had something valuable and something worth it to bring children into the picture. I’m sure you know that. But you must want to think you are without fault in this and you have no other option for a partner than a man who is still seen as married by the law and wife and married according to the vow this man made before God.

      We all will have to answer for the conscious decisions we make. One of yours is to disregard this type of truth that plagues your spirit and go wholeheartedly for selfish desires. Sounds like an adulteress to me.

    • Ramona says:

      When a man isnt happy in his marriage emotionally or sexually the first thing he looks for is another bitch. Im sorry to say that men who cheat probly dont like women at all so they have no problem using them. I was a horrible wife to my husband probly because i didnt know the first thing about being a wife probly because we lost our second child and i dont know seeing my daughter in a casket just really blew my mind and shattered my faith. So dont ever think what you see on the surface of things is the truth because you just dont know. What i do know is for some reason both men and women in marriage sometimes cheat. Look at the movie goodfellows he had his wife and a girlfriend on the side go figure.it drove the wife nuts. Or what if you are trying to help someone out of a destuctful marriage its not your job to do that either. A wife will know when she has had enough and when its time to go. I am glad i am posting because i am taking my power back. I want to rid myself of this womans name. I think i neede to put this out there because i gave her a chance to talk to me but she chose not to and then reported me to the police. I could never harm anyone physically but had she told me yes i was seeing your husband then ok i would have booted him out and kept the home for me and my children had she said no you have the wrong person i would have left. I am not a physically hostile person. But she made it so i couldnt contact her again if i did i would be arrested and she took the power and truth with her. Who does that someone who is evil or wants to hold onto the memory of a lover. I know this isnt a perfect world but what happened to me shattered mine for a very long time. Shame on me i guess.

  32. Cristy says:

    DAMN STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE SO RIDICULOUS. Really? "weak insecure men"? Are you fucking joking yourself? How about men that lie and say that they are in open marriage? How about men that say "what she doesnt know wont hurt her"? How about single women who are emotionally capable of having casual sex with some random guy she meets at a bar; who happens to be a married douchebag who lies about his status? HOW ABOUT YOUR STOP BELIEVING YOUR BULLSHIT HUSBAND? Sorry baby. someday youll learn :)

  33. Justarrived says:

    Why is this all directed at “the other woman?” I have been cheated on and never got angry at the woman just at the man that did the cheating. He is the one that is supposed to be loyal, not her. He is the one that is supposed to love you, not her. It’s easy to be angry at the woman who “took your man” but if he was so easily distracted it eventually would have been someone. I have had friends be lead into relationships with married men because of sob stories about their loveless marriages and mean wives. They aren’t home wreaking sluts. Just another woman getting lied to.
    Let’s not attack the woman who “stole” your husband but the husband that left you or betrayed you

  34. Nikki says:

    I and with a now divorced man. Never knew he was married with kids. But when I found out I was done. But he kept pursuing me. He wants me. His exsact words were if she could satisfy me sexually and emotionally I would not have stepped outside my marriage. So all you ass wipe wives that call yourselves victims GET THE FUCK OVER SELVES AND BE MORE ATTENTIVE AND MORE SEXUALLY APPEALING TO YOUR SPOUSE

    • Ramona says:

      When your receiptionist calls my home and enters my life saying you left my number as your weekend contact number when i am out of town then your going to get called. The problems in my marriage are not yours to fix. Did i get angry at my husband? I was disappointed but that is something we as a couple will fix behind closed doors where your are not at. I dont know if my husband cheated on me im guessing no so why did this woman make it look like he did. If he did cheat i am sorry to the other woman for being used. Men can be horrible. The thing for me is the not knowing thats what drives me nuts and that where im stuck at. Would i be ok either way? Yes. Omg did he have a tear drop in his eye for you?

  35. Ramona says:

    All you had to do was talk to me. Tell me it was a mistake the phone call i receive telling me you were in my home with my husband when i was gone. But you chose to go a different route and take the truth with you. You didnt know my husband was the first person who told me he loved me when i didnt know what loving a man was. So i thought you loved him in a way i didnt know how. Well i sold our family home thanks to you so i hope you wrote in hell where you belong. I forgive you for not talking to me but you and yours will not occupy my mind. You served your purpose and allowed yourself to be used to tear apart my family. So go to hell bitch and try it again. You have stolden enough of my years and enjoy being used again and again and again and never forget you took my families security and i cant wait till your shit hits the fan because then it will be all over your face where it belongs. All you had to do was talk to me. I think you were involved in a lie and that makes you still guilty. Why did i believe it because of the way my husband was treating me. I have forgiven myself for believing a lie but i still hope you rot in hell.

  36. Ramona says:

    I had to hate you until the only thing left was to love you as a human being. I release you from my heart back into the universe so that i may know joy in myself again as i prsy for all of us… Oh my Jesus forgive us our sins save us from the fiery fires of hell and lead all souls to heaven espeacially those in most need of thy mercy. This works for me now i hope all you who are struggling let it out it feels so much better when the icky stuff is gone.

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