4 Marriage Moments When You Should Shut Up and Count to 10

Share the Love

zip your lips illustrationIf you’re married, you’ve been there, at least once or twice. You know, that moment when you realize a series of words just flew right out of your mouth that you wish, more than anything, that you could just suck right back in and pretend never happened.

Marriage and loss of control sometimes come as a package deal – it’s just the way it is, sorry folks. (Trust me, I’m learning this from experience.) Yes, there will be times saying exactly what you’re thinking can help you overcome an obstacle or work through an issue in your marriage. But, there will also come a time (or two!) when you probably should have just shut the hell up. Only, you realized it about two minutes too late and now your day has gone from bad to awful. These are a few of those times:

When you know you’re mad at someone else…

Whether it’s your boss, or the bill collector who keeps calling you at work – it doesn’t matter – it’s not your spouse you’re really mad at, and you have to try to remember that before you unleash your anger on them. Anger is best directed at those who caused the grief, not the person who loves you so much they’d do anything to take it away.

When you’re about to quote their worst enemy…

Remember that time during pillow talk that your husband told you about what that co-worker he despises said to him that nearly made him go postal in the office? It’s not to be repeated! I call this using a “borrowed insult”, because you’re taking someone else’s mean words and using them as a weapon to hurt your spouse because you’re sure it will work. This, my friends, is a very, very bad idea.

When other people are around…

We still practice the Never Fight In Public method in our marriage and I highly (highly!) recommend it. If what you’re about to say will embarrass your husband in front of someone else  — even a complete stranger – and knock his pride down a notch or two, you’d better think long and hard about whether or not you want to go there. He’ll be much more likely to forgive you when there are no other witness to your crime.

When things could get worse…

Marriage is one crazy-long mega coaster. At certain times you’re high above the world and the thrill is amazing, and, well, others are terrifying and you just close your eyes and pray it will end soon. It’s when you know you’re marriage is in a valley, not a peak, that you should be most careful what you say. It’s in these moments, when I’m furious and ready to explode, that I try to stop and ask myself, “could I make this worse?” If the answer is yes, I do my best to keep my lips sealed and the drama under wraps awhile longer. Neither you nor your spouse will sleep well if you’ve put another thing to “deal with in the morning” on your already heavy plates.

When do you recommend keeping quiet in your marriage? What’s your indicator it might be time to shut up.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
This entry was posted in Learning the Hard Way, Lists to Live By, Married Life. Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to 4 Marriage Moments When You Should Shut Up and Count to 10

  1. Never ever argue in public, don't let other people start analyzing your relationship.
    I agree with all the points. And remember pick your battles wisely, sometimes it is not worth it. After a few years you already know how certain arguments are going to go….so just turn off the repeat and fast forward. ;)
    My recent post 10 Things husbands should NOT say out loud

  2. majo says:

    this was very helpful thanks

  3. Crazyhectic says:

    Totally agree with all points. The one where you shouldn’t argue in public…especially infront of family/friends because afterwards you and your spouse fix the issues and move on but it might change the way your fam/friends view or feel about your spouse forever. I know to shut it when it comes to our kids. We both have kids from previous relationships and some times not agree on how to handle certain things. After a couple of yrs together I know I should just shut bc it’s a sensitive topic for him. I try to turn it around and just be supportive instead.

  4. Tiffany says:

    I'm a huge proponent of not arguing in public!!

    But the one about keeping quiet when you're mad at someone else doesn't quite work for us. When someone upsets my husband, he completely shuts down by the time he gets home to me. I mean SERIOUS silent treatment. But then it makes me think I'm the reason he has shut down. But under normal circumstances, I would have to agree with you. We're just not that normal over here lol!
    My recent post Is It Possible to ALWAYS be Happy in Marriage?

  5. Roses Daughter says:

    Good advice!!!

  6. TheProDiva says:

    Sis, I agree with ALL of these! I especially agree with not arguing in public. My hubby and I practice this as well. Also, I am good at anger transference, so when I am mad at someone else I steer clear of any argument. Great advice….ALL OF IT!
    My recent post "Aw Crap, She's Up!"

  7. i think my fav. one is NEVER fight in public…i think that is soo tacky and disrespectful beyond words. These are great and very helpful!

  8. Thank, Q says:

    I never disclose much about my marriage, but I will for the fact that I like Charli. The Mrs. has a habit of taking something embarrassing that happened to me and sharing it with her family in my presence. Example: my backyard is slanted and one day, I was sitting on the riding lawn mower talking to The Mrs. when it slipped into the neutral and started rolling backwards with me on it. I had to jump to safety as it took off down the hill and flipped. Now, although she and I laughed about it once it was all said and done, but I thought that was the end of it. I didn't expect to hear the story told to her brothers that following Sunday at a birthday dinner. Of course, she asked me after-the-fact and in front of her family, "I didn't embarrass you, did I?"

    Now, it really wasn't a huge deal, but to some folks, it could have been. Don't ever assume that something is public record when it comes to a person's feelings. Sorry to type so much, Charli. I kind of started typing and got on a roll. :)
    My recent post Occupy White House

  9. Kristeen says:

    Thanks for this great advice.
    My recent post Itrentalseurope

  10. Peter says:

    This is a very good article! I totally agree with all your points only it's hard sometimes to just shut up and especially when your really angry.
    My recent post Conference call time zone

  11. ashley says:

    Thanks a lot for sharing this great advice..I really agree all of these..I try to turn it around and just be supportive instead.
    My recent post glass blowing art

  12. Recently started reading your blog, which is super cute by the way. You have great insight and advice for those of us still sorta new to this whole marriage thing. I've been married for 4 years and it's still a learning process on a daily basis. I guess my biggest lesson learned learned is to let go of power struggles.

  13. I definitely agree with the no arguing in public. It's crucial! That can really do some damage in your relationship: public humiliation.
    My recent post Quarter Life Crisis: WTF Am I Doing?

  14. @ABetterGuy says:

    Jumping in with all the others who have commented so far, absolutely no arguing in public. Situational awareness is key especially with children involved. The few times my wife and I have gotten into it even briefly in front of our kids, I've felt absolutely horrible afterwards. Not to mention is so rare that any fight was even worth any drama in the first place. It's amazing how many arguments for us have stemmed from totally unrelated things to us. Fatigue, work stress, etc…

    Skip the drama and get to the making up part! :)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>