Now, let’s be honest here: The majority of married couples don’t actually get around to having sex on their wedding night. You might as well scrap what watching all those rom-coms taught you. After all the craziness that is surviving your wedding day in tact, you’re usually drunk, exhausted, or both by the time you get back to your room. That said, who wants to be a statistic? (Especially on their wedding night.) We didn’t!
I say, add “getting laid” to your wedding day to-do-list, right alongside all the other tasks you’ll go bat shit crazy over seeing go undone. And, if you’re gonna make it a priority, you might as well do it right. Men, here’s a handy little guide to what your wife-to-be will really want to get out of the evening’s activities, and ladies, here’s your first official “honey do” list.
A Good Laugh
Undressing is sexy; slipping out of a 20-pound gown is not. It will be funny, and you should laugh long and hard about it. The same goes for all the other “bloopers” you’re bound to experience that night.
You’ve already vowed to cherish and protect each other at all costs. Now it’s time to make the juicier promises you fully intend to keep. You get where I’m going with this, right? Let’s keep this post safe for work and let you fill in the blanks.
This is the part where the movies got it right. Nothing sets the mood quite like a naughty playlist. [Insert her favorite slow jams here.]
Every woman wants to be told they’re the most beautiful bride in the world on the big day. If your betrothed says she doesn’t want the same shameless flattery between the sheets on the big night, she’s lying. Case closed.
Nerves and weddings go hand in hand – even when you’ve known each other forever. Bring your bubbly of choice to the bedroom and pour as you play.
Something for All Her Senses
You’ve got the touching covered, but what about her other senses? Be sure the room is scented, styled, and soundproofed to perfection. And, don’t forget the sweets.
Memo to all men: Your wedding night is not the time to go all selfish on your fiancée – save that for marriage. (I kid!)
Slow things down – what’s the rush? The rest of the day will already feel like a blur by the time you enter your suite, so the after party is your chance to take your time and make more lasting memories.
If your wife-to-be actually walked across the threshold, there are no lit candles in sight, and no flowers to be found, men, you have already failed her – try not to make it a habit when you get home.
I have nothing against bathroom sex, floor sex, or even patio sex – they’re a real rush!– but no woman wants to wake up the morning after her wedding with weird bruises in unwanted places and zero recollection of how they got there. That’s the complete opposite of romantic.
Skip the clichés and tell her what it really feels like to be laying next to the woman of your dreams on the most magical night of your life.