Every Wednesday night I participate in the best free counseling on the planet – better known as Black and Married With Kids’ Marriage Chat twitter party (#marriagechat). Last night’s topic was improving your marriage – one of my favorites. My husband and I are always up for learning how to love each other better and stay committed to our marriage.
When the group was asked how we strengthen our marriage, I lifted my eyes from my laptop and asked my dear hubby what exactly it is we do to “boost our connection” during a rough patch. We both responded at the same time, “Communicate!” Then he goes, “We have more sex!”, just as I was saying, “We up the excitement factor.” We both had huge smiles on our faces, just thinking about how much of a difference those things make. There it was. We’d identified our formula for reviving those dead spells in our marriage. So, I say to you, if times are tough, give your marriage a S.E.C.! Here’s how:
Sex Things Up A Bit
Let’s be honest, sex plays a large role in any marriage. You should be having as much of it as you can squeeze in and hen it’s good, usually big smiles and happy thoughts follow. Now I’m not saying great sex will cure your problems, but a lack thereof can cause a little “tension” in your marriage. Hit the sack, together, and get back to the loving. Need inspiration? Play those songs that always “take you there”, act out a shared fantasy, or maybe start the night off with his and her massages. Whatever works for you – just do it! (Pun intended!)
Excite Each Other
Like it or not, sometimes the day-to-day routine of your marriage can get a little mundane. Don’t fret, it happens. We’ve all been there. The key to turning this around is making a conscious effort to liven things up a bit. There are so many ways to do this. On a small scale, you can decide to cook your favorite meal together or book a baby sitter and plan that date night you keep putting off. If you’re really in need of some action, try stalking deal sites like LivingSocial or Groupon and look for a romantic weekend getaway that’s a steal. Boredom can be the enemy in your marriage. Real talk? Have some fun! Every marriage needs it. It’s worth making the time for.
Communicate Every Chance You Get
If you’re having issues with your marriage that you haven’t discussed with your partner, then you’re not actively trying to fix them. Coming clean when times are the roughest can feel like an instant weight lifted. Instead of resenting your spouse every morning for doing that same thing you constantly ask them not to, just tell them they’re driving you nuts. It may come out a little harsh, but at least it’s a conversation starter. Not discussing what’s really got you ticked off will only allow the anger to fester. More anger and frustration leads to less sex and there’s nothing exciting about bickering. Communication is the key to any success you’ll have in working through it and a necessary tool in your Make-It-Work kit.
What are the strategies that work best for you when you’re trying to make your marriage work? What’s in that tool box?