This morning I’m psyched to introduce you all to Man Wife and Dog’s first regular guest blogger. We’re going to call her “Girlfriend” from here on out, okay? Why? Well, it’s pretty simple actually. You know all those lovely comments you leave me? I read ‘em all, and if I had a dollar for every one that started with the phrase “I’m not married yet, but…” I would be able to buy a new overpriced handbag.
The truth is, many of the topics I discuss on the blog are issues you don’t have to be married to relate to. I don’t want to leave those of you who are in a serious committed relationship but not yet wearing a wedding ring out – cause I heart you too. So, alas, I brought in a girlfriend who will stop by on occasion to bring us some insight from a slightly different perspective – that of the woman on the road to marriage who hasn’t quite arrived their yet.
So, ladies, meet Girlfriend. Girlfriend, meet my ladies (and some gents). Be sure to show her some comment love you guys!
I’m not married, I don’t have a ring on my finger and there’s little chance any of this will change in the next six months. “Tick-tock, tick-tock”, says every fear-mongering medical pundit on TV. “Your biological clock is winding down and if it doesn’t happen soon it may never happen.” (Great, thanks for the advice.)
Trust me, I’m happy for all my friends that found lasting love in their 20’s and are now celebrating a decade together with houses, family vacations and 2.5 kids. It’s just didn’t work out that way for me. From bad boys who broke my heart to men who loved me (just not enough to make it permanent), I’ve sat on the sidelines long enough to recognize that I’ll never be a young newlywed or a twenty-something with a toddler. I’ve struggled alot with this in the past, but then I finally saw something that strengthened my resolve that I’ll not only be a cool bride, I’ll be an even cooler mom.
As a fan of Bravo’s The Rachel Zoe Project, I’ve watched the celebrity designer fiercely defend her right to be a career woman first and a mom second. No matter how many times her friends, family and husband tried to peer pressure into getting knocked up, Rach (who is no spring chicken herself) would remind them how hard she’s worked to establish herself (like me) and worry if she was ready to juggle both motherhood and a full-time career in Hollywood. Many a hater called her out for being “selfish,” but is not having kids before you’re ready such a horrible thing? (P.S. After three seasons of saying “no” Zoe finally got pregnant on HER terms despite her lingering personal fears.)
Someone people say there’s never a right time, but I disagree. The right time is when you’re financially stable, happy and secure in your career, in a successful relationship (if possible), realistic about your limitations as a human being with obvious faults, but optimistic about what you can offer to your child as far as learning and life lessons. I was an idiot at 25 and only slightly better off at 30. It’s only now as I head into my mid-30’s that I feel confident that I could bring a life into the world with the best of intentions and actually back that up with some solid parenting skills.
So imagine my surprise when I actually ran into the stylist on the street over the weekend along with her husband Rodger and her new baby boy. Here was a woman with a successful fashion career, TV show and fashion line, happily cooing at her son while his ever-so-supportive father draped a burp cloth over the shoulder of his $5,000 designer suit. She was living her dream right there in front of me, and suddenly it clicked that there’s a time and a place for everything and that includes being a wife and mom. For Rachel it came when she realized she didn’t need to control every aspect of her professional life to have a healthy personal one, and for me it was the sudden clarity in knowing that with age comes experience and wisdom.
OK, so may I’ll never be able to pull off a princess wedding gown or fake like I’m the youngest mom in car pool, but I have no doubts when I finally say “until death do us part” I’ll really mean it, and that all the experiences I’ve gathered will be the perfect (and realistic) roadmap to bringing a child up in today’s complicated world.
Have you had a similar epiphany? Is waiting for “I do” making you wait for other things you want in life?