Guest Rant: How Rachel Zoe Made Me Feel Better About Putting Off Getting Married and Having Kids

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Rachel ZoeThis morning I’m psyched to introduce you all to Man Wife and Dog’s first regular guest blogger. We’re going to call her “Girlfriend” from here on out, okay? Why? Well, it’s pretty simple actually. You know all those lovely comments you leave me? I read ‘em all, and if I had a dollar for every one that started with the phrase “I’m not married yet, but…” I would be able to buy a new overpriced handbag.

The truth is, many of the topics I discuss on the blog are issues you don’t have to be married to relate to. I don’t want to leave those of you who are in a serious committed relationship but not yet wearing a wedding ring out – cause I heart you too. So, alas, I brought in a girlfriend who will stop by on occasion to bring us some insight from a slightly different perspective – that of the woman on the road to marriage who hasn’t quite arrived their yet.

So, ladies, meet Girlfriend. Girlfriend, meet my ladies (and some gents). Be sure to show her some comment love you guys!

I’m not married, I don’t have a ring on my finger and there’s little chance any of this will change in the next six months. “Tick-tock, tick-tock”, says every fear-mongering medical pundit on TV. “Your biological clock is winding down and if it doesn’t happen soon it may never happen.” (Great, thanks for the advice.)

Trust me, I’m happy for all my friends that found lasting love in their 20’s and are now celebrating a decade together with houses, family vacations and 2.5 kids. It’s just didn’t work out that way for me. From bad boys who broke my heart to men who loved me (just not enough to make it permanent), I’ve sat on the sidelines long enough to recognize that I’ll never be a young newlywed or a twenty-something with a toddler. I’ve struggled alot with this in the past, but then I finally saw something that strengthened my resolve that I’ll not only be a cool bride, I’ll be an even cooler mom.

As a fan of Bravo’s The Rachel Zoe Project, I’ve watched the celebrity designer fiercely defend her right to be a career woman first and a mom second. No matter how many times her friends, family and husband tried to peer pressure into getting knocked up, Rach (who is no spring chicken herself) would remind them how hard she’s worked to establish herself (like me) and worry if she was ready to juggle both motherhood and a full-time career in Hollywood. Many a hater called her out for being “selfish,” but is not having kids before you’re ready such a horrible thing? (P.S. After three seasons of saying “no” Zoe finally got pregnant on HER terms despite her lingering personal fears.)

Someone people say there’s never a right time, but I disagree. The right time is when you’re financially stable, happy and secure in your career, in a successful relationship (if possible), realistic about your limitations as a human being with obvious faults, but optimistic about what you can offer to your child as far as learning and life lessons. I was an idiot at 25 and only slightly better off at 30. It’s only now as I head into my mid-30’s that I feel confident that I could bring a life into the world with the best of intentions and actually back that up with some solid parenting skills.

So imagine my surprise when I actually ran into the stylist on the street over the weekend along with her husband Rodger and her new baby boy. Here was a woman with a successful fashion career, TV show and fashion line, happily cooing at her son while his ever-so-supportive father draped a burp cloth over the shoulder of his $5,000 designer suit. She was living her dream right there in front of me, and suddenly it clicked that there’s a time and a place for everything and that includes being a wife and mom. For Rachel it came when she realized she didn’t need to control every aspect of her professional life to have a healthy personal one, and for me it was the sudden clarity in knowing that with age comes experience and wisdom.

OK, so may I’ll never be able to pull off a princess wedding gown or fake like I’m the youngest mom in car pool, but I have no doubts when I finally say “until death do us part” I’ll really mean it, and that all the experiences I’ve gathered will be the perfect (and realistic) roadmap to bringing a child up in today’s complicated world.

Have you had a similar epiphany? Is waiting for “I do” making you wait for other things you want in life?



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10 Responses to Guest Rant: How Rachel Zoe Made Me Feel Better About Putting Off Getting Married and Having Kids

  1. I jumped right into my marriage and it has been a rocky road sometimes. When it was rocky, it made me wonder if I had made the right decision getting married so young and so quickly. Now that we're back together and working on things and happy again, I can see that I did…but I can also see how a longer relationship beforehand may have helped us solve some problems early on. As far as kids, it took us several years to conceive so by the time they got here, I was more than ready for that committment to motherhood. I respect people who live by their own book and don't give into the definite pressure of marrying young and having kids right off. Do what you feel is right! :)
    My recent post Our Beginnings Part Two

  2. Aleea Slappy says:

    Great post! I can totally relate.
    So, all along I wanted to be wife and mom. I went to college knowing that was my end goal and somewhere around junior year and my third internship I realized that I wanted that… just later on. The guy I was dating for four years at that point was awesome and would've been an awesome dad and father for the young woman I was in college. But when I look at my life now, mainly my priorities (being a mentor, working for a non profit and starting a business) I see how that guy doesn't fit in with the current me. He actually might have hindered my desire to start my business and work in my community. So I must say that I am glad I made the decision to focus on my career and I look forward to finding a mate that would be a good fit for the woman I've grown into.

  3. MsKaos says:

    I wasn't the girl planning my wedding or thinking about my future offspring babies at 18 or even 25. My education and career were first and foremost on my agenda. At 30 I met my husband and 2.5 yrs later we got married. Being that I was over 30, everyone expected that we'd jump right into making babies — which wasnt our plan. Like Rachel, all I hear after 2 yrs of marriage is "when are you guys going to have a baby???" from relatives and friends with kids. Many friends of mine have kids entering adolescence while we are just starting to plan for kids at 36 and 42. It may not be the way others did it but it's OUR way. When we do bring a child into the world we will be ready for (as much as any newbie parents can be , that is!) and committed to raising said child. There will be no, "I wish I had done X before I had a child" which was always important to me (and my husband). Do you, Girlfriend!

  4. Rita says:

    I love this new series! I'm late twenties and slowly realizing that because I'm choosing to focus on my career first that young mommy-hood and marriage will come late in life (if they come at all). That being said, at 26, I'm happy to be simply a girlfriend. I wear it well. :)

    My recent post Wordless Wednesday

  5. It's funny but since me and hubby got married, we get these questions too, and we're barely turning 21! We got married early because we felt it was the right thing to do at this stage in our relationship. We're mentally way older than 21. We're known as the young old married couple. Children will come when we're ready and on our terms, which includes financial independence.
    My recent post Wedding Wednesday: Seating Arrangements

  6. Safiya'smommy says:

    It's ironic that your post comes as Rachel is in pregnancy in this time of the series….having not had baby yet.
    But, at 28, I felt I was financially stable (more on that later) and was in the prime of my career (that too will come), but was not the least bit interested at that time in being married. I was in a relationship with the then BF for 3 years and we were good. We discussed children, agreed to it, had a bit of a complicated time conceiving and then pregnant with twins! (There goes the being financially stable part 1).
    After complications in my pregnancy, going from pregnant with twins to pregnant with one. I learned that life will never give you what you always plan. Later on I read a quote "Man Plans, God laughs".
    I found that after such a difficult time with my pregnancy that I wanted to be home with the DD for awhile. (gave up said "job of a lifetime".
    Nothing happens before its time, whether we think we have it all together or not.
    No one could ever have prepared me for the journey I took 5 years ago, have learned to take life in stride, one day at a time…..Best wishes……I've learned to pray, thy will be done!

  7. @DeeTwoCents says:

    Great Post! Imagine how wonderful the world would be if people WAITED until they felt competent and secure to have a child? Imagine how healthy the nation's children would be? alas that is not the case, but I think that slowly women are taking their eggs into their own hands and I for one think that is BEYOND a great thing. So, cheers to you for living the life you want!!! #threeLOL

  8. Girlfriend says:

    Thanks everybody! I was a little nervous about posting this only because I didn't want to offend anyone who didn't choose to follow this same path. I tend to respect moms/brides who do things for the RIGHT reasons and not because it's expected of them. Ultimately the same people that are pressuring you to get married or pregnant are not going to open their wallet and pay for your wedding or eagerly sign up for babysitting duty. I just think some people feel uncomfortable or unhappy with their choices and try to pressure other people to do the same so they don't feel so alone in their decisions. Stay tuned! Next week I'm talking about evil ex's and how that impacts your life when you're just the girlfriend.

  9. If we have gotten the married as well. Then we can get a beautiful kids from the help of married. Then we can easy to observe in the few new happiness in the different human being life.

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