If Beyonce and Jay-Z Can Pause for Pregnancy, Maybe We Can Too?

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beyonce baby bump pregnant at VMAsNow as many of you know by now, I make it no secret that we don’t plan on renaming the blog Man Wife and Dog (and Baby!) any time soon. We’ll get there, but we’re not there.

When it comes to my life, I like to plan for as much as possible, arguably too much. I’m also good for putting up many of the very hurdles I have to cross to get to the goals I set – sometimes other, including my husband, calls them excuses.

Being a goal-oriented excuse maker can sometimes prove to be a problem. For instance, I’ll say I need to workout more, but I must have new sneakers and a gym membership before I do it. Once I get around to getting those things, I head toward my goal – full speed ahead – but when I put up too many “hurdles” (I like that better than excuses, can you tell?) I sometimes make it almost impossible to get there. So when it comes time to talk babies (my husband is getting the itch) I’m quick to tell you all the things I feel we need to have or do before we can go there — the number one reason being my career.

I could go on for hours about how I need more time to do this, do that, save more. A lot of my friends will tell you they think I’m full of it, because they’re busy mommas who are living out their dreams simultaneously. But up until last night I was seriously rooted in my beliefs about waiting until “the right time”. (I know what you’re thinking: There’s no such thing!) Then I heard about Beyonce’s big baby announcement at the VMAs, and the first thing I thought was, wow, if the busiest woman on the planet can take a break for baby, why can’t I?

I know it sounds silly, I do, but I truly felt that way. Whether you’re a fan or hers or not, you have to respect Beyonce’s hustle. She works hard, and gets everything she sets out to do done, and done very well too. Every time an interviewer asked her about she and hubby Jay-Z’s plans for a baby she was quick to tell you it really wasn’t in the plans for now. She said it so much I think we all believed her; which added to the delighted surprise it seems America simultaneously felt when the news broke. Now, that said, I don’t base my life decisions on those of overpaid celebrities (talented or not), but her decision certainly has inspired me to rethink whether or not I’m just “making excuses” or if there really are a few more “hurdles” left for me to cross. Hmm…

Are you a mommy? How did you know it was time? Did you go with the flow, or plan your pregnancy? Am I making this too hard?

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21 Responses to If Beyonce and Jay-Z Can Pause for Pregnancy, Maybe We Can Too?

  1. tmpringl says:

    As someone who had two surprise pregnancies (ahem), I thought it was not the "right time" with either of my kids, but I'm learning that they were indeed born when they were supposed to be. They are supposed to be here. I was a planner too and I wrote out my 10-year plan when I was 18 and babies weren't supposed to come until 25-26. But then baby #1 came at 21. Baby #2 came at 22. It is possible to do all that you want when you have kids, it's just…busier. Way busier. But in a good way. :)

  2. Rita says:

    I'm not a mommy or a wife but i too felt the same overall sentiment you did. Mine was if she can have it all, why can't I? She has the successful career, marriage/hubby and now a baby. The Black American dream. She did her way, why can't I do it my way?
    My recent post This Week In Health: Volume I

  3. I think you will know when you "think" you are ready. With that said, you can't make excuses forever. Sometimes excuses are fear, but you can overcome them. My son was born the month before I turned 29. However, when we first married at 23, 24, for me kids weren't even on the list of things to do it. I was like you…. a planner waiting for the perfect time. However, I got the "itch" and there was no way around it!!! I couldn't sleep at night, IT was TIME!! Trust me if your husband has the "itch" it is absolutely a real feeling that overwhelms you.
    And really is there ever the right time for most things? Life will happen regardless of what you we have planned. Tragedies and blessings happen at every moment of the day, it just happens that we are occasionally allowed to have a say so in it.
    I like that you have a wife blog. Honestly, I currently blog with a "mom" tag but I rarely talk about mom stuff. LOL

    My recent post Introducing Real Talk

  4. Denise says:

    Oh PLEASE do it! I tell you, as fulfilling as it is to reach your career goals, it pales in comparison (at least to me) to succeeding at mothering. You can never really "do it all," but you can do mothering very well and have a career.

  5. Mrs_Mommy_MD says:

    Natey was a HUGE surprise (like senior year of college type surprise)…and honestly, if it didn't happen the way it did, I wanted to wait until career establishment first = out of residency…. So pending I chose a surgical specialty (which was the plan), I could be looking at 6 years POST med school. 2020 seems so far away!

    And by then I would be 30+, but I think I would have caved around 27-29 because I just wouldn't want to wait that long. Now that we have one and I am living (successful) what I once thought was impossible, we are even considering adding another little one to the mix before my graduation (2014). But I still want us to be somewhat "established" before doing so – i.e. stable marriage, finances, savings…which I think are reasonable "hurdles". I feel like I want the next one to be planned in all ways possible, even tho that probably isn't realistic anyway LOL

    Do what you feel is best for YOU. You're right, there really is no "ideal time"….honestly, whatever time you choose will be ideal for you!
    My recent post This Week I…

  6. Jocelyn says:

    I'm not a mommy but I do keep finding reasons to put it off like finances, goals, career, etc… I think the one advantage that Beyonce and Jay have over all of us non-celebrities is that they've already met those goals or cross the hurdles as you would call them. They both have millions of dollars, awesome careers and can afford the best nannies and whatever else to help them both take great care of their babies. For them, the timing couldn't be more perfect.

    In our case, I think we still have some work to do however, if we were surprised by a little bundle we'd gladly welcome it as a generous and extreme blessing from God. I think whenever pregnancy happens for any married couple it's the right time. When it happens, especially if it's unplanned, you just gotta roll with it and make it work. It just requires you to readjust your plans so that they are in line with God's plan (i.e. a baby).
    My recent post Are Bert and Ernie Getting Married?

  7. Alexis says:

    Not a mommy yet but I totally understand you with all of your “hurdles”! Every last one I am extremely organized and want things in place long before it’s even a thought for myself and WP (who has said why plan let’s just do it) and since you know him you know that is a stretch for him! There are things as an unmarried woman that I would like oh like be married first. But I can’t plan that either lol I wish them and us luck. Xoxo

  8. TheProDiva says:

    Ok, I am currently childless, and I have the same questions you posed. Please allow me to shut up and read what others have to say about how they knew they were ready!
    My recent post Don't Sleep On Healthy Options!

  9. Tiffany In Houston says:

    I don't have the luxury of time right now. I'm 38 and we want kids so we actually have been trying since getting engaged to be quite honest and are getting REALLY serious about it now coming up on our first anniversary. Unless you are using contraception within your marriage, there is always the chance that you can get pregnant (unless you biologically cannot). So you can never be ready to have a baby, even if you "plan", you just have to do with the flow.
    My recent post Link Love

  10. well, not a mom yet – but we have had the talk. I guess if/when it happens we are ready for it…. Good Luck. It seems that you and your Man are in a great spot in your lives… ;) ;) You can do it!
    My recent post Life Before Kids

  11. nylse says:

    i think you are making it too hard.
    you've heard "man plans, God laughs" – i think you understand the sentiment. We can talk ourselves or rationalize ourselves out of anything (new job, house, etc) including children.
    it's good to have plans and goals – but i would say go with the flow. children are one of the best unexpected blessings you can ever have – and I speak as a tired, exhausted, yet blessed and loved mother of 4.
    My recent post LOL

  12. cam says:

    I didn't think I was ready because I wanted to accomplish more. My husband and I talked it through and he was right about something: it will never be the perfect time. He said if we keep waiting on the perfect time we'll be 50. With all the goals I have he was right. We decided we were as ready as we were going to be and I couldn't be happier that we are parents now. My son just makes me even more motivated because I want us to be his examples of what is possible. You can do it!
    My recent post Beyonce + Baby

  13. I've been feeling super maternal lately, planning every aspect of a pregnancy in the future. It may be near and it may not be (we're not trying yet but we talked about how soon it would happen). When I heard this, I really started thinking when is a good time. I heard there's never a "perfect time" to have children, but with Beyonce & Jay, it sounds like they made a perfect time. I gotta think about when's the best time for us.
    My recent post Marriage Speed Bumps: Cleaning the House

  14. i think i was feeling like a baby and then i saw her glow and i was like mmhm maybe i am ready. but then i thought wait a minute i still have debt to pay! and a savings to add to! i wish them well though!
    My recent post The 7 year Itch…

  15. hannamay says:

    Cool!! They made a perfect time to have children….

  16. Hi Wifey! Its been a while but I have still been faithfully reading your blog. I share the same sentiments. So many goals to achieve and we still want some little ones. We said we were going to start trying after aunt flow came. (I have been waiting for depo to leave my system) Well low and behold 1 day after our 1 year wedding anniversary and aunt flow came this past Sunday. Now im like ohhh sh*t. Umm am I really ready…clamming up a little….. Glad to see Bey and J start their family
    My recent post Introducing Legal Grinding Wifey

  17. Lossidele says:

    Plan….I had one of those once. LOL I learned years ago that life happens whether you plan for it or not. And sometimes, it's those unscipted moments that allow you the most growth. But…there's always a but…

    Having children is no joke. Plan for them (and stick to that plan) if you can. But don't put off parenthood for so long that you give your best years to your career and not your family. Just my opinion :)

  18. Mimi says:

    Our first was unplanned, but we did plan our 2nd. We made the plan in March of 2009 that I would work until August, we would go on summer vacation and come back and start trying. I had the baby itch bad it was so hard to wait those 6 months but we did and I got pregnant immediately. I found out I was preggers on Sept 10 and my last day at work was a few days later. It all worked out perfectly.

    I say plan within reason, but honestly nothing can ever compare to being in a great marriage and raising children with the man of your dreams. It's just perfect when you are in a happy space.

    With that being said..please have a baby!
    My recent post Heart of Haiti

  19. Quiana says:

    Like you I'm a HUGE planner! Seeing Beyonce as a fellow Virgo (and a year younger than me!), and recognizing her ambition when she got engaged after me but married before me I started sweating thinking she was going to have a baby before me. Yes, I know this sounds silly, but that's how us women can be sometimes doing stupid things like comparing our lives to celebrities. Anyway, I knew I wanted to have a baby before 30 as I remember my mom as a young mom and having the energy to chase me and play with me and seeing that energy wane as she had subsequent children spaced closer together but waaay after me due to health issues. Anyway, I completely agree that there is never a right time and one can go on forever making excuses and luckily we got pregnant very quickly. People like to ask, "Was your baby planned?" and in the sense that we deliberately went off BC, she was but we definitely weren't expecting for it to happen so quickly. We're thankful though as we can't imagine not having our beautiful now 1 year old in our lives!
    My recent post When Floorplans Make Sense

  20. Anna says:

    The “right time” does not exist. If the baby is not planned but comes anyways then THAT is the right time, I believe. If we keep postponing getting pregnant all the time because we need to get things done before, the right time will never come. This is what I experienced anyways.
    My recent post Wordless Wednesday – Brushing teeth is important for toddlers too!

  21. fahmi says:

    While there's no such thing as a "right time" I firmly believe that there has to be a good place mentally to be in before having kids. If you get pregnant, you will find that it works out, but I see people who struggle so much because they weren't prepared at all, and it seems to make so much more sense to achieve some goals before you take a break – parenting becomes such an all-encompassing life change that there needs to be some prep work beforehand. I always say people should wait a bit after getting married before having a baby, so that there's some "you" time as a couple. You will be a family forever – enjoy the coupledom a bit.

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