I’ve been behind on blogging and on responding to the mail I get in my box. (Sorry girls!) I got an interesting email from someone (who shall remain nameless, per her request) the other day that I’d like to respond to here on the blog. A wife messaged me complimenting me on my openness on the blog and asking if my husband and I talk all of our problems out the way I describe on the blog, and if so when we find the time. She shared with me that so many times she’s too busy being a wife and a mother to make time to say what’s really on her mind. I think her question is a great one and I want to address it here just in case my answer can resonate with anyone else who might read this.
Yes, my husband and I do “share” a lot and we try our best to “talk all of our problems out” but I don’t know that talking is the answer to everything. We used to discuss things until we were blue in the face because we agreed to always be “communicators” but over time we’ve learned there’s an art to successfully keeping the lines of communication open without overkill. What I mean is that there are some things that a simple look can handle, and nothing more is needed. For instance, my husband likes to chat (a lot) and if I’m annoyed with his “friendliness” with the store clerk I can just flash him this look while we’re at the counter and he knows exactly what’s on my mind. By the time we’re leaving the store he’s usually saying something like “sorry babe, you know I can’t shut up” or “I was just trying to see if she could give us a discount”. My one look replaced the whole “baby I need to tell you something” moment where I say (yet again!) that there’s a thin line between friendly and flirting and he’s dancing on it. Could I say all of that? Sure! Do I need to? Nope. The Look yields the same results. I’ve also left him a note on the mirror in the morning saying something like, “what you did last night wasn’t cool” or “you suck, but I still love you”. In both cases I feel like I expressed my feelings in a way he could understand without monopolizing the time we have together with a full blown discussion neither of us had the time or energy for.
Now, on the other hand, if I’m feeling unappreciated or hurt by something he did, I’ll send him a text or a private Facebook message letting him know I want to talk when we get home. He knows that’s never good but it also gives him time to mentally prepare himself for what could prove to be an emotionally heavy conversation. They’re never fun, but sometimes they’re just necessary and there’s no way around it.
I say, when you don’t have much time but there’s something eating you that you need to express, find another way to say it. It works for us and maybe it could work for you if you find it hard to make time to communicate. Thanks to the miracles of technology and the beauty of getting to really know the person you married, you’re either an eye roll or a text away from getting something of your chest if you must.
How do you communicate your feelings with your husband? Does your schedule play a role in how you address them?