When There Is No Me In Us

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pos it me time noteLet me first just say that I adore my marriage and my husband more than a blog post could ever express and I absolutely could not in any way shape or form imagine my life without him in it. That being said, I must confess that lately I’m feeling what I’m going to call the “marriage squeeze hold” on my life and I’m finding it a little bit hard to deal with at times. Because I am one half of “us” lately it feels like there are so many things that I want to do for us that I can’t seem to find the time for me.

Sure, my husband is super supportive of my individuality, but I’m learning that having the support alone is not enough to get you to the point where you take the inch you’re given. If I had a dollar for every time he said “Baby, go ahead and blog, or go get your hair done, I’m just going to hang out” and I said “I could but then I wouldn’t see you before bed and it’s important to spend time together” I’d be loaded. I had a real “aha” moment the other day in the nail salon regarding these little feelings I’d been harboring. I got in the chair and the lady looked at my feet and said, “oh no! big job!” I was mortified at the thought of just how right she was, even if she was a little rude in going about it. I hadn’t had a pedicure since my wedding – NO JOKE! We’ve been married for six months now! It’s not that I haven’t done anything I wanted to do since saying “I do” but I don’t think I’ve done enough of it to feed my soul the “me time” nutrients it really needs.

The truth is sometimes there feels like there’s an invisible force pulling you toward your marriage, even if in fact the person you’re married to is encouraging you to spread your wings and fly. I have a book that I’ve been trying to write for over 7 months now and I can’t figure out for the life of me why I haven’t gotten past chapter two. On one hand, I’ve been putting a good amount of effort into making my marriage as healthy and as happy as can be, and I’ve seen the payoff in that department. On the other hand, I’m not sure that right now I am as happy as I can be. If I were shopping my book around to publishers I would be – that’s for sure. So, why the heck can’t I just pull myself away from love long enough to remember to do the things I love? I don’t have an answer for this one ladies, but I would like to pose the question. Have you had success in doing this? Will you share your secrets? Do I sound selfish? When you’re married when do you find the time for yourself you need, and do you take it when it’s offered?

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16 Responses to When There Is No Me In Us

  1. 2Commentaristas says:

    You're only as good to others (including The Man) as you are to yourself! Don't worry about taking that time for yourself, he will only love you more for it. Remember, he fell in love with you before there ever was the "married us."
    My recent post Obama Trumps Trump

  2. I lasted in a marriage for 7 years without a balance of "me vs us" time. I wasn't allowed to have my own life, or my own friends. Everything revolved around her. Her friends, her family, her hobbies.

    I somehow managed to escape with some of my individuality intact.

    While bonding as a couple is extremely important, equally important is taking time for yourself and remaining an individual. It is healthy for all parties to take a break now and then, stop, and breathe.

    You sound like you have the chance to do it, just not the time. I can't stress how important it is to *MAKE* time to ensure your mental health. Try scheduling something in the calendar, whether it's a few hours or one specific day of the week. Once a routine is established, it'll become second-nature.

    I wish you the best of luck.
    My recent post Do you see the good in people

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Thank you!! It's so nice to get a man's opinion on the matter sometimes. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story. I'm glad you were able to break away from that situation. Interestingly enough my husband wants me to do more "me stuff" and it's like I'm somehow smothering myself with our marriage sometimes. I really can't wait to hear him weigh on this post. Again, thanks so much for stopping by!

  3. Sonia says:

    You know I have thought about that too. Not married, but I had to set up a time schedule of when I blog and when I don't. I hate sitting at home and seeing us both on our laptops. I try to make sure when I get home that I have days when I am in blog mode and other days when its family time. My doggies demand, (NOT ASK) for attention, so its a bit difficult on where I actually blog. Most times I crank out my posts at work on my lunch. I have to find a place at home where I can do it with no distractions.

    Having me time is always nice, you just have to manage what works best for you both and eventually it all balances out. Girl, I just got my feet done….I hate crusty crap on my fee.t That's just wrong!

    • ManWifeDog says:

      I totally understand the doggie needs part. The Dog just will not let up some nights. She will literally sit on my laptop and stare at me like "are you serious?" Between that and The Man going "baby watch this part on TV" or "what do you think about…" i sometimes find it almost impossible to blog around them. Then when i go into my office I feel like I'm isolating myself from my family. Tough call, always! Finding the balance is both the struggle and the key.

  4. Christina says:

    I never take my “me” time when it’s given, so I try not to complain about never getting it, lol! It’s even harder when you’re trying to balance time between husband and baby! I’ve come to the same conclusion, that I HAVE to make time for myself. I’m having some dental work done tomorrow, and Byron has taken the day off, so I’m going to make myself just relax, whereas I would normally be up and about, taking care of people!

    • ManWifeDog says:

      The thought of adding kids to the mix makes my head spin girl! I need to mentally prepare for that sacrifice. I know it can be done, and I look forward to the challenge, but I recognize that it will be JUST that — a challenge! Enjoy your Me Day!!!!

  5. nylse says:

    Have you had success in doing this? I am a WIP (work in progress), getting better all the time
    Will you share your secrets? see responses below.
    Do I sound selfish? No, but we women put a lot of guilt on ourselves when we don't need to. I've learned not to feel guilty about doing the things I love, esp. when I have a supportive spouse. PS this guilt can get worse when you add children to the mix.
    When you’re married when do you find the time for yourself you need, and do you take it when it’s offered? You make time because its important and yes I take it when it's offered – don't have to tell me twice. Remember Happy wife, happy life.

    My recent post A Chapter a Day – Proverbs 3

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Ha! Thanks for answering ALL my questions. You're so kind. You are SO right about the guilt. I was plagued with it when I wrote that post — and for what? My husband is literally telling me to get a life sometimes and yet I sit there feeling like if I do I'll miss out on something. I don't always do this but it's become commonplace these last few months and I need to practice your "you don't have to ask me twice" policy!

  6. Donyetta says:

    I'm going to recall this story the best I can, but it's true nonetheless. 

    I remember a friend of mine telling a story about how she met a widow in the grocery store who had been married to her husband for 50+ years. They began chatting in the checkout line and my friend informed the woman that she was a newlywed. The woman smiled at my friend and told her to take care of herself so that she could take care of her family. 

    When you think about it, she's 100% correct. Only a happy woman can love and nurture her family the way she should. So don't feel guilty about enjoying a little "me" time as long as you don't neglect your Hubby. I know it's easier said than done. I've been married 3 years and my husband is hands own the #1 person I want to be with 24/7! 

    Good luck!

  7. simplykita says:

    I use to have me time before kids that was about 5 yrs ago. Hubby and I have not even been on a date in about a yr. Its hard to have me time and balance kids, school, home life, cooking, and a husband. Not to mention not having a babysitter for those me times but I always say one day I will have time for me and be able to enjoy life a little more. I look forward to those days. Have a little me time before the kids come and remember me time can just be closing your room door for an hour or two.
    My recent post Throwing out a business idea

  8. Jenny says:

    You're lucky you get "me time". I mean it's that you do I don't mean or want to be rude. I envy you xD The only "me time" I seem to get is when no one is home or they are in bed. And I don't get to do anything but sit around (cause I can't drive) and play games or blog or surf the 'net. I feel like my time is useless and there is no point. Plus having no one other then my mom to hang out with doesn't help either.

  9. alovelydai says:

    Oh sweetie. There is no shadow of a doubt that you are building a successful happy healthy marriage. That said don't ever forget about building a successful happy healthy you too!
    My recent post MusiqInTheMagiq- Review

  10. I never take my "me" time when it's given, so I try not to complain about never getting it, lol! It's even harder when you're trying to balance time between husband and baby! I've come to the same conclusion, that I HAVE to make time for myself. I'm having some dental work done tomorrow, and Byron has taken the day off, so I'm going to make myself just relax, whereas I would normally be up and about, taking care of people!

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