…there would surely be a lot of laughs. I imagine the show notes would probably go a little something like this:
– Two camera cords must be replaced because The Dog snacked on them while the cameramen were taking a lunch break.
– The Man does his testimonials while taking his scheduled nightly number two. Sadly, this is when he likes to get chatty and yell through the door to tell me about his day.
– Use footage of The Man and The Wife’s car fights for episode teasers – it’s when they’re at their most raw an uncut finest.
– The camera guy who has to follow The Wife’s every move is constantly nodding off because in doing so he never actually gets any sleep.
– Note: A confrontation with the neighbors is sure to be brewing because The Wife now sleeps through both extremely loud alarm clocks and The Dog barking at her nonstop in the mornings for a good twenty minutes.
– Best night vision moment: The Dog biting and pulling at The Wife’s hair scarf in the middle night in a desperate bid to get her attention. Close up on The Wife sleep swatting and The Dog expertly avoiding a major smack down.
– Season opener scenes: 1. The Wife grabbing a butter knife and hiding behind the kitchen trash can when a peeping Tom came to the window and The Man jumping up out of sleep and accidentally running straight into the wall after hearing her scream. 2. The Man and The Dog snoring in loudly in unison while sleeping side by side on the couch and The Wife putting funny hats and clothes on them while snapping blackmail photos.
– Guaranteed Laugh Moments: 1. The Wife and The Man arguing over why he doesn’t feel comfortable walking their small dog in public if she’s wearing a little yellow raincoat. 2. The Man finding out The Wife bought the dog a Snuggie to match her own and immediately losing his mind and vowing to burn it or make it go away forever. The Wife as retaliation hides his infamous torn and ragged “man shorts” and watches him suffer and search for days before fessing up.
We’d never allow cameras into our home but when I sit back and think about the nonsense that goes on inside these walls I do often wonder what the ratings might be like. I’m guessing I’d ask them to call it An Actual Real Housewife of New Jersey. Has a ring to it, right? Admit it, you’d watch! (Smiles!)