I don’t call Gibran a keeper for no reason. Lucky for me, my husband lets me be myself and each day loves me just as I am, good or bad. That’s one of the qualities I love and appreciate most about him but I realized back when we got engaged that although this type of 24/7 support is beyond wonderful, it can also provide a false shelter for you to hide behind if you’re not careful. Though I weighed 170 pounds when we met in 2004, by the time Gibran was on bended knee in our living room on Christmas Eve 2009 I weighed a whopping 245 pounds. (No joke!) We’d both put on a few couple-comfort pounds when we first started dating by staying in, ordering in, and frequently going out to eat. But it seemed like for every 5 pounds he gained, I put on 15.
Now I must give Gibran immense credit for never once during those five years making me feel like I was any less beautiful or sexy in his eyes, but the truth is, I felt less and less attractive every day. He would tell me I was beautiful almost every day and for a while I thought I agreed. But then, I started to like what I saw in the mirror less and less and his compliments began to feel more like words I thought he felt he had to say. I don’t think he ever stopped meaning it, but I stopped believing it. I was thankful each day for having someone in my life who saw my beauty despite the season, the hairstyle, or the size, but I still felt incomplete.
He loved me but I had stopped loving myself. I’m naturally a very confident person, so this wasn’t easy for me. The worst I felt about it the more supportive he became but for some reason it took staring at an engagement ring for me to finally snap out of it. He asked, I said yes, and then the next day I joined New York Sports Club and Weight Watchers. My mission to love myself as much as my man loved me began. Over the course of 2010 I fought the urge to demolish every brownie in sight and I chose Continue reading