Could Your Commute Hurt Your Marriage?

train commute commuter troubles rush hourI work a long day. I have to get up at 5AM to make it onto the 6:11AM train just to be sure I have enough time to take the forty minute ride into the city then hop on the subway and make it to work on time for 8AM. On the flip side, it takes me an hour and fifteen minutes to get home. That’s a total of three plus hours a day I spend commuting to and from work. For now neither me nor The Man mind it so much, but according to a new study eventually we might. The Swedish study the risk for divorce goes up 40 percent for commuters who travel more than 45-minutes or longer to get to and from work. In their study most of the commuters were men with wives and young kids at home, and they attributed this increase to women being stuck at home with more child rearing and household duties and therefore becoming increasingly more frustrated and resentful. You know, this study may not have been done on Americans but it is something to think about it. No?

Honestly, because my days are so long and my husband goes in earlier and gets home in the afternoon I do depend on him to do a lot more than he should honestly have to. We like to eat dinner before 8:30pm, so he usually has to cook the meals because I’m not home in time to do it. Things like mid-week laundry, grocery store runs, and evening dog walking also fall onto his plate because of it. By the time I get home, I’m tired and he’s even more beat because he’s gone to work and come home and “done it all” before bedtime.(And would you believe I come home and have the nerve to wanna blog? Ha!) Luckily, he supports my career goals 100 percent for now, and I’m so thankful for that. On the flipside, on the weekends I try my best to get things done and let him take on more of a laid back role. Continue reading

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Sex As A Bargaining Tool: When to Hold and When To Fold

sexual frustration in marriage wife doesn't want to have sexWARNING: Potentially controversial statements ahead!

I met a wife the other day who said she felt a power shift in her relationship once they were married. I asked why she felt that way and what she meant exactly and her response was as follows: “It’s as if once he married me he felt like he’d done the one thing I really wanted so he no longer feels like he has to do much else that I ask.” My response: “Well what about sex? Isn’t that the ultimate bargaining tool?” To my surprise she seemed surprised that she hadn’t really thought of that. After being married for five years she’d forgotten that although he put a ring on her finger, she still held power over something he will always want – sex!

Ladies, in this area, don’t we always have the power? Especially when it comes to dissolving marital woes! Like many sensitive issues involving marriage, I believe working this tactic correctly is an art not a science and it takes some perfecting. As many of you have figured out by now, I like to gamble. So when I think about the idea of using sex in your marriage to get what you want, I think of poker, and the calculated risks involved before each play. Put simply, you have to know when to hold, and when to fold. So, I present to you, my little non-scientific guide. Enjoy, and I hope it proves helpful. (Let’s just say it’s working for me!)

Sex: When to Hold

When it’s been two weeks since you asked him to do something and he still hasn’t, yet he’s complaining that “it’s been days” since you two had some fun. Hold tight, girls. That door lock will get fixed and those boxes you need sent will make it to UPS, promise!

When you realize he’s blocking you out and no longer listening to what you’re really saying. Men will always speak the language of “love” (wink!) so if he’s stopped communicating your way, why communicate his?

Sex: When to Fold

When you realize you’ve held your “cards” (get my analogy here?) so long he’s stopped asking to play the game. There’s a thin line between punishment and utter cruelty. Walk it if you dare, but be sure to watch your step. Continue reading

Posted in Lets Talk About Sex, Married Life, The How-To Guide | Tagged , , , , | 18 Comments

POP QUIZ: The 7 Questions Every Wife Should Be Able to Answer

marriage pop quiz for wivesDisclaimer: This is not at all scientific. It’s just a little something I believe to be true. If you’re married, my guess is you too can answer them without hesitation. (Post your answers in the comment section below if you agree!)

1. How does your husband make you better?

2. What was the exact moment when you knew your husband was the one?

3. What’s the biggest challenge in your marriage?

4. How do you best communicate your love to each other?

5. When all else fails, what can you do to get him to crack a smile?

6. What does your husband love most about you?

7. Do you remember what you said in your vows? Quote a line!

I’m a team player – see my answers after the jump!

Continue reading

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Love Homework: This Week Make Up Your Own Love Mantra

couple's couple award love homework man wife and dog Class is in session once again ladies! Last week I asked that if you hadn’t already, you say exactly what’s on your mind. This week’s assignment still involves communication, but this time there’s a bit of a twist.

The Assignment

We’ve all heard the slogans: “Happy wife, happy life!” “The wife’s always right!” Create a love mantra you can share! It’s simple, fun if you allow it to be, and definitely something that can come in handy in the future. What will your mantra be? When will you use it? Is it something you’ll say at the beginning of the day? Or maybe it will work best at the end? Will you use it together (during a disagreement, or a great moment in time)? Or will you use it when you’re apart? Come up with you official love mantra and how you plan to make it work for your marriage. Then right about it. It’s as simple as that. Can’t wait to read about your mantras. (And if you’re not a blogger, be sure to post yours in the comment section below – I would still very much love to hear it!)

My Homework

We came up with our love mantra many years ago. I remember we were riding in the car after coming home from a very awkward dinner with another couple. It was one o those dinners where you ate your meal real fast and passed on the second round of drinks all with the hopes of getting outta there before you witnessed and argument you didn’t want to be a part of. The other couple we had dinner with was clearly having some internal problems and had no problem airing them out in public. We made small talk and pretended not to notice. Somehow we made it out there without letting our moods be affected and on the way home we couldn’t help but talk about how relieved we were not to be anything like that couple. (It was sad, but true.)

We talked about how we felt good about the strength of the bond we shared and eve better about how well we handled the whole ordeal as a team. I joked that it was like we were invincible to bad double dates, and my husband turned to me and said, “That’s because we’re the couple’s couple!” We both laughed and laughed at that one. It was 100 percent true and it’s been our love mantra ever since. When we come out of a sticky situation on top we give each other high five and say “we’re the couple’s coupe!”, and when one of us is feeling the weight of the world the other one reminds us that we’re the couple’s couple. It’s become a little joke between us that works on the good and the bad days. I still smile every time one of says it, especially when we unintentionally say it at the exact same time. It’s amazing what those four little words have done for us.

For the official Love Homework Link Party rules click here. Remember to grab the badge below and to click on “get the code” beneath the link party so you can add the blog link up to your post too!


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New Study Says Less Americans Marry But Those Who Do Stay Married (Thoughts?)

marriage game over divorce rateIt sure does pay to get your facts right! Until I read this article on ABCNews.com I was still 100 percent under the impression that the majority of marriages end in divorce and that the divorce right in our country was steadily climbing. Well, as a recent report from the U.S. Census Bureau reports, fewer Americans get married these days, but divorce is becoming less common. That’s a nice thought, isn’t it?

“Despite the perception that divorce is common place, most Americans marry once and make it work,” the article states. The report reveals that seventy-seven percent of couples married since 1990 reached their 10-year anniversaries, which is an increase from the number who made the mark in the 1980s, when the divorce rate in America was at its highest. It also says that couples who get married in their mid twenties or later are less likely to get divorced and that nowadays there’s more of a “soul mate model” for marriage. That doesn’t surprise me, I married my soul mate at 28 and I have the utmost confidence that waiting the eight years we did to tie the knot only furthers our chances of success. That being said, the fact that less Americans are choosing to get married does. The article doesn’t go into why this may be but if I had to guess I would say it’s because of fears grown from ill-informed information. That and the lack of positive marriage role models out there. I at one point in our relationship feared the idea of marriage because of all the divorces I see and hear about and the stories other women have shared with me. The idea of starting a marriage so many experts have said in the past might be statistically destined to fail could shake anyone – even someone madly in love.

Why did you choose marriage? How old were you when you said “I do”? What are your thoughts on divorce as a whole ladies? Just curious…

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Meet A Wife Monday: Author and Blog Guru Melissa Stops By

A lot of things inspire me to want to keep my marriage healthy and happy. One of them is meeting other wives who are making it work every day, and loving it! I knew quite a few before I said “I do”, and since Man Wife and Dog Blog was born I’ve met so many more. They’re all so fabulous I want you to meet them too. This week, meet blogger Melissa from I Heart Daily!

The Wife: Melissa Walker, 33

The Man: David Grossman, 34

But You Can Call Them: The Walkmans (Kidding–we both kept our names the same)

How She Snagged Him: “At a party at her apartment–convenient!”

Married Since: 7.18,09

The Cats: Swayze and Winnie

The Kid: “One girl, to be named when she arrives in August 2011″

Place They Call Home: “The garden apartment of a brownstone in Brooklyn, NY”

How She Pays the Bills: Author of teen novels; magazine writer; co-founder of iheartdaily.com

How He Pays the Bills: Director of Business Development, Inc.com

What Makes Her Man Hot: “He cooks great meals, he lets me watch really awful TV (and secretly likes it), and he feels like home.” Continue reading

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Posted in Married Life, Meet A Wife Mondays | Tagged , , , | 9 Comments