Ladies Should Your Man Get a “Dadchelor” Party Before Baby?

I read about a new “trend” today. It’s called the “dadchelor party”. Think: Baby shower for men with shots instead of champagne and a side of strippers. Not kidding! Now, when I first read what it was all about before watching the video, I though to myself, why not? Parenthood is a big and exciting change, so why can’t men celebrate it too? But I also thought most men wouldn’t care enough to want to have one. Then I watched the below video of a dadcehlor party in action and had a slight change of heart. This guy’s wearing a “it’s a boy” sash and throwing them back like know tomorrow with a stripper pole in sight — complete with diaper kegs and all.

Not quite sure a man “deserves” to go out and behave like a college frat boy just because his wife is pregnant with their first child. If I told Man that me and my baby bump were headed to the club to dance the night away in celebration of the child’s impending birth he might think I’d lost my mind. Wouldn’t yours? Ladies, what say we? Are dadchelor parties silly? Or just something new? Watch and tell me…men, you’re welcome to weigh in too!

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Posted in Hot Topics, Man vs. Wife, News and Notes | 16 Comments

Just Asking: Did Premarital Counseling Work for You?

When we got engaged a lot of people recommended that we speak to a counselor or reverend before we tied the knot. We weren’t necessarily against it but we just never got around to making an appointment. Neither of us felt unprepared at the altar so I can’t see how we missed out, but I’m open to hearing whether or not you felt it helped you. Did you “talk to someone” before you got married? What did you talk about? Did it help you feel more prepared in some way? If you didn’t do so, was there a reason? Enlighten me ladies!

Posted in Hot Topics, Married Life | 18 Comments

The Wife Turns 29 Today (Thoughts on Your 20s, Marriage Before 30, and Dreaming Big!)

I’m 29 years young today (well, technically at 10:38pm officially) and my husband tells me if I put up birthday announcements for him and The Dog I just must do the same for myself. So, why not? Here’s my official little birthday announcement!

I thought that for today’s post I’d summarize the thoughts I had last night about turning 29, approaching the one-year mark of my marriage next month, and just the whole idea of being “young and married” (as the mature crowd calls us). Here are my notes.

When You Know, You Know

I don’t regret meeting my husband-to-be at the age of 21 and spending my entire 20s (AKA the supposed “good years”) in love with one man. I’d had enough heartbreak already by that age – no need to go out looking for more! When you meet the man who loves you more than you love yourself and as much as he loves his momma he’s a keeper; no matter what age you are.

It Just Gets Better

I thought being this close to 30 would scare me but I’m excited to make my last year in my 20s rock and become a member of the 30 and Fabulous Club. Youth is always something we feel we need to “hold on to”, but truthfully, I love and understand myself more and more each year I spend on this earth  — Every year is better than the one before it.

Dreams Do Come True

As I’ve said many times before I’m a bit of a workaholic and a very big dreamer. If I say I’m going to do it, I do it. When I was 16, I laid out a detailed plan for my life. Think: Where I’d go to college, at what age I’d get my master’s degree, and when I’d get married. I raised the bar even higher by vowing to do most of it “before 30”. (It was optimistic, to say the least.)

Here comes the horn tooting part. I recently realized that I’ve accomplished every single thing I said I would do before 30 except one. That one being to earn a six-figure income. Now thanks to the recession I’ll never know if it was a realistic goal or not, but hey, who cares? Nine out of ten goals achieved before 30 isn’t half bad right? I married my dream guy, got two degrees, landed a job where I’m actually appreciated and respected for what I do well, and I started something just for me (this blog!).

I feel so good about the many blessings the last 29 years has brought to me. I’m thankful for the amazing friends who offered undying support and love to help me keep pushing. I’m thankful for my amazing, amazing, amazing family who always has my back — even when I don’t see them back there. As you all hear about quite often, I’m incredibly thankful for the wonderful and damn-near perfect husband and best friend I have in The Man. (He’s my everything — forever and for always!) And, most importantly, I’m thankful to God – I seriously could not have done it all with out Him.

Okay enough of all that mushy stuff. Time to par-tay! I’ll be celebrating my birthday all week day, but in the meantime you should enjoy today’s Meet A Wife Monday featuring smart and beautiful NYC wife and mommy Quiana.

Bye for now, guys!

Posted in Happy Holidays, Hot Topics, Married Life | 13 Comments

Meet A Wife Mondays: NYC Mom Quiana Stops By

Harlem Love Birds on Meet A Wife MondaysNow as you know, a lot of things inspire me to want to keep my marriage healthy and happy. One of them is meeting other wives who are making it work every day, and loving it! I knew quite a few before I said “I do”, and since Man Wife and Dog Blog was born I’ve met so many more. They’re all so fabulous I want you to meet them too. This week meet fab New York wife and mommy Quiana from Harlem Love Birds and her man!

The Wife: Quiana, 30

The Man: Uka, 30

But You Can Call Them: The Agbais

How She Snagged Him: “A real life Love and Basketball experience that spanned 10 years.”

Married Since: 6.26.09

The Kid: Virginia “Nia”, 1 year old

Place They Call Home: Harlem

How She Pays the Bills: Budding entrepreneur

How He Pays the Bills: Finance

What Makes Her Man Hot: “His humor, smile and height (6’8″!)” Continue reading

Posted in Married Life, Meet A Wife Mondays | Tagged , , , | 13 Comments

Problems Married People Have: Are You Still Friends With An Ex?

The Man and I honestly don’t fight about much, but one of the biggest blowouts we’ve ever had was over an ex boyfriend of mine. Back then we weren’t actually married, just seriously dating, and he didn’t like the idea of this ex (who, admittedly, he despised from day one) calling me up from time to time to say hello – usually twice a year at best.

I’m not an evil person and things between this ex and me didn’t end on bad terms, so I didn’t fill that obliging my then-boyfriend’s wishes to “pretend as if I never knew his name” was the mature thing to do. I stand by my personal morals, always, and I felt that was both cruel and unnecessary. To me what mattered most was that we had trust in our relationship and the he believed me when I said we were just friends and there was nothing to ever worry about. This, of course, did not sit well with him and after he got tired of arguing with me about it he decided to put his foot down and “demand” I never speak to him, or any other ex of mine, again. Now, I’m not going to lie to you guys…

As much as I can understand why your new love would want you to forget all about your old ones, I just don’t agree with the idea of erasing someone from your life, not because you feel it necessary, but because someone else insists that you do. Seems lame and totally out of line. I felt that way back then, and I still in so many ways do today as well. That said, at the time he made this “request” of me, I knew I loved The Man more than I’d ever loved any man in this world and that he’d be my husband one day. I had to make a decision I didn’t agree with in order to make the person I care deeply about happy. Continue reading

Posted in Hot Topics, Learning the Hard Way, Married Life | Tagged , , , | 34 Comments

7 Reasons to Believe In the Power of Marriage

marriage proposal cartoonIf you let most newscasters and bloggers tell it, marriage isn’t “in” anymore. Everywhere I look there’s a new study or story on why people aren’t getting married, waiting much longer to get married, or just plain miserable in their marriages. Yet, as a newly married woman all I can think about some days is how happy I am in my own marriage and how blessed I feel to have found a wonderful man willing to take that journey with me. The truth is, like it or not, marriage can be wonderful if it’s with the right person at the right time. I can’t tell you who or when to marry, but I can give you seven damn good reasons why you should at least believe in the power of marriage. Read them before you pass any judgments, please.

I’d like to think that if I’m only about a year into this thing called marriage and I can already find seven reasons to tell you it’s worth the work, that’s got to be a good sign. Without further ado, here’s my list. (Note: If you’re reading this you’ll love What Marriage Was Designed For over on How Mama Got Her Swag Back) Would love to hear your thoughts and reactions after reading this list – be sure to share below.

1. It can heal you.

Sometimes I realize my husband’s love has slowly but surely healed parts of me I never even knew were broken. If you let it, the love your spouse has for you will repair the pain other parts of your life has caused you – this I promise.

2. Marriage motivates you.

Just like becoming a parent makes you want to be better for the sake of your child, getting married makes you want to be a stronger more present person in your relationship and with your God. You share a life and beliefs with your spouse – the achievements and the consequences – and knowing that your failures are theirs as well makes you want to succeed for the both of you.

3. It’s a test you’ll want to take.

Remember those times in your life when you walked away from something prematurely only to wish later on that you’d at least given it a try? Marriage is a test of your inner will and your devotion to yourself and another human being. How can you pass on a chance to better yourself in a way unlike any other?

4. There is someone for everyone.

Yes, it’s true, and if you don’t believe that, you’re nuts. There are billions of people in this world and when you find that one needle in this humongous haystack we dwell in you’ll feel so truly blessed and so lucky that it will be hard not to want to give all you have to them and to the love you share. Marriage is one of the first steps along that road.

5. A good marriage = true honesty.

In life you can lie to everyone else but yourself, and who knows you better than you know yourself? Your spouse, if you let them in fully. They will be the ones to call you out on your bullshit when no one else will – not your best friend, a family member, no one else! When everything else in your world seems confusing and out of place, if you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with the right person, they will be there to help you put it all into perspective – even if you don’t particularly like what they have to say. Like it or not, you’re gonna need that at some point in your life. When they commit to you they commit to a lifetime of openness and honesty with you. That’s a gift.

6. Marriage is resilient.

Yes, you may know of quite a few older people who are still reeling from failed marriages – they might even be your parents, aunts or uncles. But, I bet you also know at least one younger couple who is happily married right now and working hard to keep it that way. Studies will have you believe that marriage is something that used to be a good idea but isn’t so smart today. But marriage has taken a beating over the years yet if you look around so many people still want to tie the knot. Why do you think that is? How can you not want to try something that despite what negative aspects others see or hear about in their own lives, they still feel compelled to try and are willing to fight for?

7. It reopens parts of your heart you never even knew were closed.

Remember the joy you felt when you were a kid and you road an amazing ride you hoped would never end? Or how excited you were to unwrap that giant birthday gift you’d been staring at all week? Can you remember the last time you felt that good? Trust me when I tell you marriage can warm your heart in those very same places and really make you feel that alive and vulnerable again. Your spouse’s love goes there, promise.

What would you say in defense of marriage?

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Posted in Enjoy Your Marriage, Married Life | Tagged , | 42 Comments