Give Your Husband The Respect He Deserves (The Nick and Mariah Lesson!)

Like many of you, I’m sure, I just tuned in to tonight’s episode of 20/20 on ABC hoping to catch a glance at #dembabies (AKA Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey’s 6-month old never before seen twins Moroccan and Monroe). Yes, the world did get to see those adorable (and chic!) little babies, but it’s what we witnessed before that moment that has me scratching and shaking my head.

Barbara Walters asked Mariah Carey if she trusts her husband Nick. Her immediate response: “Sometimes”. Both Barbara and Nick seemed perplexed by her answer, as was I as I sat watching from my bed at home. Nick’s response? “Sometimes!?” Mariah then says, “Do you think I should trust you?” Nick, says, “Of course.” Mariah goes: “Okay than I trust you.” Seriously, Mariah?!? When Barbara asked her why she felt that way, all she could come up with to cover her foolishly reckless and disrespectful comments about her clearly devoted husband was, “Come on Barbara, he’s a man. Let’s call it what it is.” Again, I say, “Really, Mariah?!” Wow….I’m speechless…really dumbfounded.

There are SO many women in the world who’d give anything to have a husband that adores them and tolerates their over-the-top diva-like behavior, and Mariah is lucky enough to have one who has adored her since he was a teenager watching her videos and she can’t even be bothered to pretend to like him on 20/20? I will always love Mariah as an artist, but every time I look she’s failing majorly as a wife. I doubt Nick would ever leave her, but I have to ask, doesn’t he deserve better? He should see that he does. You couldn’t pay me to go there. I love my husband too much to question his love for me and trustworthiness, period, and certainly not in front of others. Case closed!

UPDATE: Here’s exactly how the convo went down. (I found a transcription.)

Barbara: “Do you trust him?”

“Sometimes,” Mariah said.

“Sometimes?” Nick asked.

“Alright, can I trust you more than sometimes?” Mariah asked. “You tell me.”

“Absolutely,” Nick replied.

When Barbara asked if they are happy together?

“We are,” she said. “Especially when he’s nice. When he’s nice, he’s the best guy in the world.”

“Yeah, you know. He’s a man, Barbara,” Mariah said. “Let’s call it what it is.”

There you have it folks..blatant disrespect. If she feels that way, fine. Just say it to Nick behind closed doors in your home…not on 20/20.

Posted in Hot Topics, Wives Gone Bad | 36 Comments

10 Things I Will Tell My Daughter About Love and Marriage (What Would You Tell Yours?)

Wife's baby picture!

Unfortunately I lost my mother at a very young age. I try not to focus on the void her passing left in my life, but sometimes I do wonder what it would have been like to grow up with her by my side sharing her love and wisdom.

She was a woman who fell in love, got married, and handled life’s ups and downs with pride and grace. I’d give anything to know what advice she would have shared with me when I met the man I knew I’d love like no other, on the day he asked me to marry him, or the moment right before I said I do on my wedding day.

I’ve imagined many different versions of how the conversation would play out. My favorite is the one where she tells me to love fiercely and fearlessly with all my heart and to put my faith in God and my efforts into my marriage. It’s my favorite because it’s what I plan to tell my daughter or son, should I be blessed enough to have one in the future. I’m not a mother just yet, but I know when that day comes I’ll be overjoyed to have the honor of being the one to introduce them to the world and to hold their hand as they learn life’s easy and hard lessons.

I wrote this letter for my future daughter…

Dear (Future) Daughter,

You’re going to hear a lot of things about love and marriage before you’re ready to understand them. That’s okay. That’s what you have me for. There’s more to tell and teach you than one letter could ever hold, but for starters, here are a few things I need you to remember most, and understand early.

1. Love is going to kick your ass before it helps you up.
2. Not every man who says he loves you will mean it – in fact, most won’t.
3. The first time you think you’re in love, you probably aren’t. (Sorry!)
4. If he doesn’t know what he has, don’t wait around for him to realize it.
5. Marry the man who loves you as much as he loves his mother.
6. If you don’t respect yourself, he won’t respect you.
7. Sex can wait, but one day (like when you’re older and married) it will be important. Handle it with care.
8. If a friend’s dating life is a hot mess, she’s not the one to take advice from – ever!
9. If he loves you he’ll want the best for you – even if it means he loses.
10. If he asks you to marry him and you feel any hesitation before you answer, say no. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and no man should rush you to it.

Okay, enough for now. We will certainly talk more about this. Oh, and never forget. I’m here for ANY question on your mind. Even the hard ones! That’s what mom’s are for.

What would or will you tell your daughter? Share your advice below. (If you blog about it, be sure to let me know and share the link!)

Posted in Hot Topics, Lists to Live By, Love Homework | Tagged , , , | 16 Comments

4 Marriage Moments When You Should Shut Up and Count to 10

zip your lips illustrationIf you’re married, you’ve been there, at least once or twice. You know, that moment when you realize a series of words just flew right out of your mouth that you wish, more than anything, that you could just suck right back in and pretend never happened.

Marriage and loss of control sometimes come as a package deal – it’s just the way it is, sorry folks. (Trust me, I’m learning this from experience.) Yes, there will be times saying exactly what you’re thinking can help you overcome an obstacle or work through an issue in your marriage. But, there will also come a time (or two!) when you probably should have just shut the hell up. Only, you realized it about two minutes too late and now your day has gone from bad to awful. These are a few of those times:

When you know you’re mad at someone else…

Whether it’s your boss, or the bill collector who keeps calling you at work – it doesn’t matter – it’s not your spouse you’re really mad at, and you have to try to remember that before you unleash your anger on them. Anger is best directed at those who caused the grief, not the person who loves you so much they’d do anything to take it away.

When you’re about to quote their worst enemy…

Remember that time during pillow talk that your husband told you about what that co-worker he despises said to him that nearly made him go postal in the office? It’s not to be repeated! I call this using a “borrowed insult”, because you’re taking someone else’s mean words and using them as a weapon to hurt your spouse because you’re sure it will work. This, my friends, is a very, very bad idea.

When other people are around…

We still practice the Never Fight In Public method in our marriage and I highly (highly!) recommend it. If what you’re about to say will embarrass your husband in front of someone else  — even a complete stranger – and knock his pride down a notch or two, you’d better think long and hard about whether or not you want to go there. He’ll be much more likely to forgive you when there are no other witness to your crime.

When things could get worse…

Marriage is one crazy-long mega coaster. At certain times you’re high above the world and the thrill is amazing, and, well, others are terrifying and you just close your eyes and pray it will end soon. It’s when you know you’re marriage is in a valley, not a peak, that you should be most careful what you say. It’s in these moments, when I’m furious and ready to explode, that I try to stop and ask myself, “could I make this worse?” If the answer is yes, I do my best to keep my lips sealed and the drama under wraps awhile longer. Neither you nor your spouse will sleep well if you’ve put another thing to “deal with in the morning” on your already heavy plates.

When do you recommend keeping quiet in your marriage? What’s your indicator it might be time to shut up.

Posted in Learning the Hard Way, Lists to Live By, Married Life | 15 Comments

A Very Special Meet A Wife Monday: One Year Ago Today I Married My Best Friend

charli and gibran's wedding at the stonehouse at stirling ridge

One year ago....a new chapter began!

Today is a very, very special day here on Man Wife and Dog Blog! It’s Man and I’s first wedding anniversary!!! We’ve hit the one-year mark and we couldn’t be happier with how wonderful our first year of marriage has been.

One year ago today I married my best friend. We have been a blessing to each other since the beginning, but this first year of marriage was so precious to us.

We dove in with smiles and paddled our way through it with love, hope, and encouragement. We learned so much about marriage in just the first 365 days (post to come later!) and we look forward to the many lessons the future holds.

This week’s edition of Meet A Wife Monday is a special one. I’m dropping by to share some marriage wisdom this time. Get to know us a little better! Happy Monday!

The Wife: Charli, 29

The Man: Gibran, 31

But You Can Call Them: The Watkins

Stonehouse at stirling ridge weddings Charli and Gibran october fall wedding new jersey

The moment we'll never forget

How I Snagged My Man: A mutual friend who thought we’d be “perfect for each other” introduced us at a barbecue and I played (very) hard to get. He patiently and persistently pursued me until I gave in and let him take me on the my last and best ever first date.

Married Since: 10.17.10 (One year ago, today!)

The Dog: Karma the Yorkie, 3

Place They Call Home: A two-bedroom apartment in Bloomfield, NJ with a great closet!

How She Pays the Bills: Relationships Editor for ESSENCE.com and founder of Man Wife and Dog Blog

How He Pays the Bills: Manager, Home Depot

What Makes My Man Hot: He has a huge heart, a stacked body, and the sexiest laugh I’ve ever heard.

bride getting ready for wedding with bridesmaids

I was so excited to meet Gibran at the altar.

A Wife Highlight: There’s nothing like being married to your best friend. When I come home from a bad day, Man always has a “good surprise” waiting for me. He’s like chocolate – he always makes things better! Continue reading

Posted in Married Life, Meet A Wife Mondays, The Big Things | Tagged , , | 30 Comments

Party Perfection: A Thomas the Tank Engine Birthday Party to Remember

Remember when my godson Liam turned one and his mother (my bestie) threw him that fabulous sesame street themed birthday party I shared? Well, he turned two last month, and my friend, the party-planner extraordinaire, is at it again. This year the theme was Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends. As usual, she outdid herself. Here are all the lovely details. Hope it can provide some inspiration for your kid’s next birthday party. We don’t even have any yet, and she’s got us wanting to pop one out and throw them an awesome part. Okay, enjoy! Here’s a little birthday party eye candy for ya’!

thomas the tank enging birthday party birthday boy

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Continue reading

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5 Things No One Tells You About Marriage (But Should!)

As I’ve said before, I’m always writing lists…some worth sharing, others, well, not so much. This list came to me on the train ride home last night and I think it’s well worth the heads up. I present to you five things no one tells you about marriage before you get hitched….take notes if you haven’t said “I do” yet, okay?

1. You will have to smell more farts than ever before. (Seriously!)

It’s like a marriage license is an all access gas pass. I knew my husband could clear a room, but I never knew being a wife meant I had to be the one to stick around and “take it”.

2. Making new friends of the opposite sex will never happen again.

This one’s coming purely from a wife’s perspective. Thank God I had a few awesome guy friends in my life B.H (before hubby) because since he’s been around there is never — I repeat never – a legitimate reason to make new ones, as far as my husband’s concerned of course. I’m cool with it, but I feel all women should be warned.

3. You’ll need to save some room on your credit card.

Sometimes there just aren’t enough rooms in your home to get away like you need to when you just need a little “quiet time”. Hopping in your car and escaping to a nearby hotel room is an idea that will pop into your head a time or two and you’re going to want to have the credit (or cash) to do so. Doesn’t mean you’re running, but you’ll soon learn, it’s normal to occasionally want more space than your home allows.

4. Your single friends won’t ever want to hear your advice again.

They’ll say, “you landed your man, what would you do in my situation?” But they’ll really be thinking, “you’re not single, what do you know?” Save your breath!

5. There are always a few hidden expectations.

Sure my husband said it was okay that I didn’t know how to cook when we started dating, and he even asked me to marry him knowing I still ruined more meals than most women – but, when I became his wife he absolutely expected me to figure out how to whip up at least three home-cooked meals a week. No matter what he says before you tie the knot, there will be some inconsistencies between his definition of “wife” and yours.

What would you add to this list?

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Posted in Hot Topics, Lists to Live By, Married Life | 21 Comments