Meet A Wife Monday: Funny Girl Justine and Her Man Drop By

I’m thrilled to bring back our popular Meet A Wife Monday series and excited to introduce you all to Justine from Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One. (Hope you find inspiration in her story and wifey wisdom.) Ladies, be sure to show her some comment love!

The Wife: Justine, 24

The Man: Joey, 26

But You Can Call Them:
The LoMonacos (also the J-Los, but only if we’re friends)

How She Snagged Him: “I dazzled him with my Midwestern charm and appreciation of Aqua Teen Hunger Force.”

Married Since: 4.10.11

The Kids: “We have a pact not to discuss children for at least 4-5 years…although we already have a few names picked out.”

The Pet: “Sigh…still none yet. Though we like to torture each other by emailing pictures of rescue dogs at local shelters back and forth during the day.”

Place They Call Home: A one-bedroom garden apartment in Long Island.

How She Pays the Bills: Social Media Specialist for a kitchenware development company

How He Pays the Bills: Network Administrator for a school district (I usually just say he’s an IT guy)

What Makes Her Man Hot: “He does hilarious impressions, plays guitar and hockey, and loves the crap out of me.” Continue reading

Posted in Married Life, Meet A Wife Mondays | 7 Comments

Having Problems? Give It a S.E.C (Sex, Excitement, and Communication!)

Make it work!

Every Wednesday night I participate in the best free counseling on the planet – better known as Black and Married With Kids’ Marriage Chat twitter party (#marriagechat). Last night’s topic was improving your marriage – one of my favorites. My husband and I are always up for learning how to love each other better and stay committed to our marriage.

When the group was asked how we strengthen our marriage, I lifted my eyes from my laptop and asked my dear hubby what exactly it is we do to “boost our connection” during a rough patch. We both responded at the same time, “Communicate!” Then he goes, “We have more sex!”, just as I was saying, “We up the excitement factor.” We both had huge smiles on our faces, just thinking about how much of a difference those things make. There it was. We’d identified our formula for reviving those dead spells in our marriage. So, I say to you, if times are tough, give your marriage a S.E.C.! Here’s how:

Sex Things Up A Bit
Let’s be honest, sex plays a large role in any marriage. You should be having as much of it as you can squeeze in and hen it’s good, usually big smiles and happy thoughts follow. Now I’m not saying great sex will cure your problems, but a lack thereof can cause a little “tension” in your marriage. Hit the sack, together, and get back to the loving. Need inspiration? Play those songs that always “take you there”, act out a shared fantasy, or maybe start the night off with his and her massages. Whatever works for you – just do it! (Pun intended!)

Excite Each Other
Like it or not, sometimes the day-to-day routine of your marriage can get a little mundane. Don’t fret, it happens. We’ve all been there. The key to turning this around is making a conscious effort to liven things up a bit. There are so many ways to do this. On a small scale, you can decide to cook your favorite meal together or book a baby sitter and plan that date night you keep putting off. If you’re really in need of some action, try stalking deal sites like LivingSocial or Groupon and look for a romantic weekend getaway that’s a steal. Boredom can be the enemy in your marriage. Real talk? Have some fun! Every marriage needs it. It’s worth making the time for. Continue reading

Posted in Hot Topics, Lets Talk About Sex, Married Life, Wifey Wisdom | 15 Comments

Busted: 10 (Funny!) Things I’ve Caught My Husband Doing

Never mind the kids – men say and do the darndest things too! Here’s a sampling of some of the crazy/silly/funny/just-down-right-wrong things I’ve busted my husband doing recently. Fee free to read and laugh along!

1. Sneaking leftovers in the corner of the kitchen in the middle of the night. (Usually the ones I neatly packed away in a container to take to work.) When I catch him he tries to act like he was just getting some milk.

2. Stealing my fuzzy Christmas socks when he woke up late and couldn’t find two of his own that match.

3. Checking out the lady with the gigantic butt in IKEA, only for me to catch him doing it and call him on it and he say, “I thought I knew her from somewhere.”

4. Trying to cut the extremely long line on Saturday morning at Dunkin Donuts by telling people he has to rush and pick up his kids up from gymnastics class – we have no kids yet.

5. Googling “how to win a fight with your wife” – true story. Google history can tell you a lot in a marriage!

6. Using a Scattegories game box to hold up one side of the couch to fool me into thinking he fixed it like he said he would, so he can buy himself another day.

7. Singing Michael Jackson’s Beat It in the shower – loudly – when he didn’t know I’d come home.

8. Trying to teach the dog to bring him his car keys. (Never gonna happen!)

9. Calling the pharmacist to ask if it’s “really that dangerous to drink while on the medication” he’s taking after I throw out his beer. (I can’t make this stuff up!)

10. Stockpiling water bottles and canned food in the trunks of our cars “in case shit goes down” any time we watched an end-of-the-world type movie the night before.

Is your husband this crazy? Do share!

Posted in Hot Topics, Married Life, My Husband's Bright Ideas, Wife Gripes | 13 Comments

Give Your Husband The Respect He Deserves (The Nick and Mariah Lesson!)

Like many of you, I’m sure, I just tuned in to tonight’s episode of 20/20 on ABC hoping to catch a glance at #dembabies (AKA Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey’s 6-month old never before seen twins Moroccan and Monroe). Yes, the world did get to see those adorable (and chic!) little babies, but it’s what we witnessed before that moment that has me scratching and shaking my head.

Barbara Walters asked Mariah Carey if she trusts her husband Nick. Her immediate response: “Sometimes”. Both Barbara and Nick seemed perplexed by her answer, as was I as I sat watching from my bed at home. Nick’s response? “Sometimes!?” Mariah then says, “Do you think I should trust you?” Nick, says, “Of course.” Mariah goes: “Okay than I trust you.” Seriously, Mariah?!? When Barbara asked her why she felt that way, all she could come up with to cover her foolishly reckless and disrespectful comments about her clearly devoted husband was, “Come on Barbara, he’s a man. Let’s call it what it is.” Again, I say, “Really, Mariah?!” Wow….I’m speechless…really dumbfounded.

There are SO many women in the world who’d give anything to have a husband that adores them and tolerates their over-the-top diva-like behavior, and Mariah is lucky enough to have one who has adored her since he was a teenager watching her videos and she can’t even be bothered to pretend to like him on 20/20? I will always love Mariah as an artist, but every time I look she’s failing majorly as a wife. I doubt Nick would ever leave her, but I have to ask, doesn’t he deserve better? He should see that he does. You couldn’t pay me to go there. I love my husband too much to question his love for me and trustworthiness, period, and certainly not in front of others. Case closed!

UPDATE: Here’s exactly how the convo went down. (I found a transcription.)

Barbara: “Do you trust him?”

“Sometimes,” Mariah said.

“Sometimes?” Nick asked.

“Alright, can I trust you more than sometimes?” Mariah asked. “You tell me.”

“Absolutely,” Nick replied.

When Barbara asked if they are happy together?

“We are,” she said. “Especially when he’s nice. When he’s nice, he’s the best guy in the world.”

“Yeah, you know. He’s a man, Barbara,” Mariah said. “Let’s call it what it is.”

There you have it folks..blatant disrespect. If she feels that way, fine. Just say it to Nick behind closed doors in your home…not on 20/20.

Posted in Hot Topics, Wives Gone Bad | 35 Comments

10 Things I Will Tell My Daughter About Love and Marriage (What Would You Tell Yours?)

Wife's baby picture!

Unfortunately I lost my mother at a very young age. I try not to focus on the void her passing left in my life, but sometimes I do wonder what it would have been like to grow up with her by my side sharing her love and wisdom.

She was a woman who fell in love, got married, and handled life’s ups and downs with pride and grace. I’d give anything to know what advice she would have shared with me when I met the man I knew I’d love like no other, on the day he asked me to marry him, or the moment right before I said I do on my wedding day.

I’ve imagined many different versions of how the conversation would play out. My favorite is the one where she tells me to love fiercely and fearlessly with all my heart and to put my faith in God and my efforts into my marriage. It’s my favorite because it’s what I plan to tell my daughter or son, should I be blessed enough to have one in the future. I’m not a mother just yet, but I know when that day comes I’ll be overjoyed to have the honor of being the one to introduce them to the world and to hold their hand as they learn life’s easy and hard lessons.

I wrote this letter for my future daughter…

Dear (Future) Daughter,

You’re going to hear a lot of things about love and marriage before you’re ready to understand them. That’s okay. That’s what you have me for. There’s more to tell and teach you than one letter could ever hold, but for starters, here are a few things I need you to remember most, and understand early.

1. Love is going to kick your ass before it helps you up.
2. Not every man who says he loves you will mean it – in fact, most won’t.
3. The first time you think you’re in love, you probably aren’t. (Sorry!)
4. If he doesn’t know what he has, don’t wait around for him to realize it.
5. Marry the man who loves you as much as he loves his mother.
6. If you don’t respect yourself, he won’t respect you.
7. Sex can wait, but one day (like when you’re older and married) it will be important. Handle it with care.
8. If a friend’s dating life is a hot mess, she’s not the one to take advice from – ever!
9. If he loves you he’ll want the best for you – even if it means he loses.
10. If he asks you to marry him and you feel any hesitation before you answer, say no. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and no man should rush you to it.

Okay, enough for now. We will certainly talk more about this. Oh, and never forget. I’m here for ANY question on your mind. Even the hard ones! That’s what mom’s are for.

What would or will you tell your daughter? Share your advice below. (If you blog about it, be sure to let me know and share the link!)

Posted in Hot Topics, Lists to Live By, Love Homework | Tagged , , , | 15 Comments

4 Marriage Moments When You Should Shut Up and Count to 10

zip your lips illustrationIf you’re married, you’ve been there, at least once or twice. You know, that moment when you realize a series of words just flew right out of your mouth that you wish, more than anything, that you could just suck right back in and pretend never happened.

Marriage and loss of control sometimes come as a package deal – it’s just the way it is, sorry folks. (Trust me, I’m learning this from experience.) Yes, there will be times saying exactly what you’re thinking can help you overcome an obstacle or work through an issue in your marriage. But, there will also come a time (or two!) when you probably should have just shut the hell up. Only, you realized it about two minutes too late and now your day has gone from bad to awful. These are a few of those times:

When you know you’re mad at someone else…

Whether it’s your boss, or the bill collector who keeps calling you at work – it doesn’t matter – it’s not your spouse you’re really mad at, and you have to try to remember that before you unleash your anger on them. Anger is best directed at those who caused the grief, not the person who loves you so much they’d do anything to take it away.

When you’re about to quote their worst enemy…

Remember that time during pillow talk that your husband told you about what that co-worker he despises said to him that nearly made him go postal in the office? It’s not to be repeated! I call this using a “borrowed insult”, because you’re taking someone else’s mean words and using them as a weapon to hurt your spouse because you’re sure it will work. This, my friends, is a very, very bad idea.

When other people are around…

We still practice the Never Fight In Public method in our marriage and I highly (highly!) recommend it. If what you’re about to say will embarrass your husband in front of someone else  — even a complete stranger – and knock his pride down a notch or two, you’d better think long and hard about whether or not you want to go there. He’ll be much more likely to forgive you when there are no other witness to your crime.

When things could get worse…

Marriage is one crazy-long mega coaster. At certain times you’re high above the world and the thrill is amazing, and, well, others are terrifying and you just close your eyes and pray it will end soon. It’s when you know you’re marriage is in a valley, not a peak, that you should be most careful what you say. It’s in these moments, when I’m furious and ready to explode, that I try to stop and ask myself, “could I make this worse?” If the answer is yes, I do my best to keep my lips sealed and the drama under wraps awhile longer. Neither you nor your spouse will sleep well if you’ve put another thing to “deal with in the morning” on your already heavy plates.

When do you recommend keeping quiet in your marriage? What’s your indicator it might be time to shut up.

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Posted in Learning the Hard Way, Lists to Live By, Married Life | 14 Comments