The Trouble With Love Is…

Share the Love

Judging from the many emails and tweets I have received about my rather extended blogging hiatus (thanks for the love, guys!), it’s safe to say my little “break” had started to concern a few of you. Not to worry; We’re fine, and I wasn’t giving up on my commitment “to blog my way through marriage, openly and honestly,” but instead just pausing for a private moment of reflection…

You see, Man and I have been together for almost nine years, and this October we will have been married for two. That means the marriage is still considered “short” but our time together, living and working as a team, has stretched for almost a decade. That means the “newlywed phase,” for us, wasn’t quite what we expected. It wasn’t bad, or terrible — just different.

The thing is, when I started this blog, I said I would share my marriage, both the “good and bad,” with you all, no matter what. But about a year into blogging, I realized something: I wasn’t totally keeping up my end of the bargain. I was sharing almost daily, but only the good, the awkward, and the funny – never the bad or the ugly. (You know, things like: One morning I woke up and told my husband “I feel like I don’t love you as much as I should today,” or the time he bailed on me on Christmas Eve to spend it getting trashed with his friends – yeah, that sort of stuff.)

This is why when we reached that inevitable “rough moment” married couples inevitably do, I kept staring at the blank blog post entry field in WordPress wondering why I felt I had nothing to say. But the truth is, I did have something to say; I just didn’t think it was what I was “supposed” to say. So instead of sharing our truth in that moment, I kept it to myself – something that has felt so strange for me, since I had become so accustomed to the therapy that is blogging and sharing my life lessons and experiences. The trouble with love is, when it’s going well you have so much to say and so many words and when it’s giving you hell (be it for a moment an hour or a week) you sometimes can’t find the words to say what you mean or feel – many times because you yourself just don’t know yet.

As I expected and always knew we would, Man and I rode out that little “wave” this summer together, holding hands and fighting the current and we’ve made it back to bliss beach – for now. And, I’m okay with that, because that’s what marriage and love is – a series of waves that can sometimes carry you forward and other times hold you back or break you apart. What matters is where you end up when the tide settles and what you’ve learned. That said, I realize now, after much, much consideration, that I have more, not less, to give you all on Man, Wife and Dog, and I’m back to show you exactly what I mean. Of course, I’ll still share my little love lists, our décor dramas and triumphs, our big moments and our learning curve secrets. BUT, between all of that you’re going to get a lot more – the rest of the story if you will. The theme is and always will be positivity and growth, but let’s just say some of the shots we’ll be serving will no longer come with a chaser. You up for it? If so, nice to see you again and I hope you come back soon to read what comes next. If not, and you want to continue to live and operate in a world where marriages are like the scripted ones in the movies, that’s cool too. Only, this isn’t a movie. It’s our reality show –so you may not want to tune in moving forward.

Phew! Now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way: Hello, again! I’ve missed you and I hope to see you again soon. Check back tomorrow and the day after, and the day after that to see what the new and improved Man, Wife and Dog Blog has in store.

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30 Responses to The Trouble With Love Is…

  1. bymochachic says:

    Yay! Love it! I truly understand what you are saying about marriage…even as we approach our one year mark (in October!), there are "waves" that we are fighting against too (perfect analogy)! So glad that I have a "place" to come to, to know that what I feel or think isn't crazy! Thanks and look forward to it


    • ManWifeDog says:

      Happy almost anniversary!! October love coming your way. Ours is the 17th. Thanks so much for all of the positivity. It means more than you know!! See you around the blog my friend.

  2. HarlemLoveBirds says:

    Welcome back! Your history together is very similar to me and my husband's. We had been together off and on for almost 10 years by the time we got married and no married for 3. We've known each other our entire adult life which can be quite daunting when we sit back and reflect on it. Looking forward to more great posts from you!

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Thanks!!!!!!!! Yes, it seems you know EXACTLY what I mean. It's like, we reached our 7-year moment in the middle of our newlywed moment….it was A LOT! But, we weathered…thank God! Glad to see you're still here for me…love my blog sisters!!

  3. Kim says:

    Welcome back!

    I've followed a bit on FB when I was paying attention (sorry, wee bit of a short attention span there) and was wondering when/if you'd return.

    When it comes to marriage I totally get what you are going through. My husband and I struggle, we argue, and sometimes I worry if it's even right for us to be together anymore. But then I pause long enough to realize that at the end of the day I still only want to be with him. The alternative is not as fun and I don't think anyone out there is as capable of putting up with my crap as he is and vice versa. Plus, he's an all around awesome husband despite the fact I'm not always nice to him.

    Anywho, enough of my blabbering. Good to have you back!

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Thanks, Kim!!!! Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Even on the days I wake up and look at him and think to myself, "you and me, forever?!?! Are we nuts?" somehow by the time I go to bed, I know it's right. Thanks for the continued support and reads — I know all about that short attention span — and I appreciate you!

  4. Cheryl says:

    Great to know you’re back! Began following you on twitter. Not married, however I know my time shall come

  5. MellM says:

    Glad to see you back blogging again. It's hard to strip down and talk about the things that don't necessarily make polite dinner conversation. Glad y'all are learning, growing and that you have the courage to share your story with us.

  6. ImGodsTreasure says:

    Welcome back. I started following a few weeks ago so I didn't have very long to wait for you to return. This post resonates with me on so many levels. Hubby & I have been together for what seems like ever, but just celebrated one year of marriage in July. We've hit a bump in the marriage road that wasn't there when we were just 'together'.

    I look forward to your upcoming posts.

  7. irenamilas says:

    thank you for this as we are struggling right now and we are not even married, engaged to be married. He is deployed right now so half of our engagement is spent apart, me here, and him in Kuwait. All we can do is talk, and all I can do is talk about us and all the 'holes' in our relationship that start to show after six months of being apart. All he wants to do is put everything on hold (including any issue) and come home. We are so different. We love differently. We argue differently. We react to things differently. We handle what life throws us at differently. But we do love each other, the best the other person know how, and we are committed to make this work, and learn how to react and love and argue more so by having the other person in mind. So I hope we finally ride this wave and get back to our bliss of our life, routines, laughs, flirting, and being a couple we like being (when things are good). Sorry to talk your 'eyes' off. :)

  8. Countrygal says:

    I came across this site by chance but IMMEDIATELY bookmarked it about a month ago. Glad you started blogging again. My husband and I have been together 7years married 4 and have had plenty of waves that have lasted months but always come out on the up and up. Forgiveness is a must. I’m so happy and refreshed to know i’m not the only wife that l looks at the hubby and thinks me and him forever lol. But when I think about it I don’t think I would’ve made it through those waves with anyone but him. I love your blog!

  9. nylse says:

    yes love your blog; glad you're back. after 23 years we've had lots of waves and we have ridden them and will continue to – but we call them ebbs and flows. I appreciate honest writing.
    My recent post You An Athlete?

  10. myloverswife says:

    I'm glad you're back to blogging! Marriage is a work in progress to say the least.

    Just last week I wanted to strangle mylover. Today, I’m thankful to have him in my life. Life is a big pendulum swinging back and forth between good and bad times and marriage is no different.

  11. I've missed you! And I totally get it. I felt super guilty taking a break from my blog, but life is meant to be lived… and THEN you can blog about it :)

  12. @TheProDiva says:

    Sis, this post is so real and so on point. Marriage is not always roses and lollipops. Every now and again, there are bumps. If you are serious about making your marriage work, you need to recognize that there will be bumps and commit to riding it out. My hubby and I are going on 12 years together (4.5 married) and it takes work to keep everything moving forward. I applaud you and the man for doing the same. After all, the good, the bad, and the ugly are all part of the deal! In other news, so happy you guys are back to bliss and back to blogging!
    My recent post Professional Divas Must Have…

  13. Erika says:

    Great to see you back! I wondered where you are. Glad to hear that there's going to be the good, bad, and ugly of marriage going forward. How refreshing to hear such honesty. Thanks for your willingness to share!

  14. Belinda Smith says:

    Friend, this is big as I do not think I have ever commented on a blog. Who better to start with than my wonderful and talented Char-Bar1. Great post. We are approaching our 1st year anniversary in 6 short days and I have to admit while it has been a WONDERFUL year it has been challenging. I doubt that the challenges you and husband are experiencing are limited to those on those at that so called, 7 year moment. Reality is when you do life with someone challenges large and small come at you all the time and sometimes all at one time. So whether its sayings like the 1st year is the hardest, if you make it through the 1st 5 years you can do it or that 7 year moment the reality is if you remember your commitment and who you are committed to, it will all be worth. Recommitting to learn each other and ourselves daily as we grow and evolve within life's confines, serving one another and loving each other and ourselves when we don't like to equals success.

    I love you and I am sure you challenges will help others be successful. You are the Best. BeBe loves you.

  15. I have a blog too on the relationship with my husband pre and post our arranged marriage. Time and again I feel I don't have enough topics to write on (read: two posts a day). This usually happens when I'm riding the ebb of our relationship (some fight, some lack of time together, some misunderstanding, some incongruity in views etc). I guess I should be writing about what I feel about these too. But I also wonder in this age of people liking only happy news and photos on facebook, who would want to heed to my wailing?:)
    My recent post Good news?!?!?!!!???

  16. pornici says:

    I've missed you

  17. Yay! Love it! I truly understand what you are saying about marriage…even as we approach our one year mark (in October!), there are "waves" that we are fighting against too (perfect analogy)! So glad that I have a "place" to come to, to know that what I feel or think isn't crazy! Thanks and look forward to it


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