Even when you love someone you can sometimes say the wrong things when you’re trying to do the right thing. It happens. Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words can also hurt you – especially when you’re married. I believe this is because you’re so invested in the success of your marriage that you often take things more personally than you might in most other similar situations. It makes sense, right? Hearing certain words or phrases can set off a chain reaction of emotions you may not be ready for – we know, we’ve been there a few times and we’re taking notes.
Our words are so powerful. So much so, that for Man and I, we realize that we need to take a few of them off the table, at least for now, so we can avoid hurting each other unknowingly as we work through the issues that arise in our marriage. Read this list of newly banned words and phrases and our reasons and you might understand why.
Fail
In moments of frustration we’ve both used this one in a sentence and the other has been hurt by it and kept quiet. We don’t want to associate failure with anything we’re doing together. We may not succeed every time, but we’re not failing as long as we’re trying. It’s that simple. So, the word goes.
Regret
We’ve always embraced and cherished the commitment and love between us. We love hard, and we always have. Since the day he first called me his girlfriend, my husband and I have gone with the flow of our love and lived a no-regrets type of lifestyle. Only, we never discussed the use of the word “regret”. If we commit to our actions, good or bad, for now at least, we don’t need to use it. It goes against our beliefs about love and the way we’ve always chosen to love each other.
Stupid
Sounds like a no-brainer, I know. But, you may have used it to refer to your spouse’s actions, thoughts, or decisions once or twice before without even realizing you’d let it slip. I know we have. This one hurts like a bullet, but you barely even heard the shot. It’s best left out of things. Don’t you think?
Force
Forcing actions and emotions in a marriage is the perfect way to start a war – and when you do, no one wins. Love can’t be forced and neither can the duties of matrimony. If someone needs “forcing,” they’re just not ready to do whatever it us you’re asking of them. We refuse to force our progress because we want it to be genuine; and we want it to stick. You know?
Are there certain words and phrases you avoid or have banned from conversations within your marriage? Add to my list or weigh in below.
regret is a part of life as is failure and so is stupidity – we do things that we regret, that don't work out and are stupid…doesn't mean you love the person any less; you just weren't too keen on their actions.
Now forcing/manipulation – i agree with that sentiment.
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We're not eliminating the emotions, we're eliminating the use of the words. They cause us to instantly react negatively. Instead, we'll find a better way to say these things when they occur.
Great post, I would add a 5th one: LIES.
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I am not married but recently learned the lesson about "force" and as with all things I had to learn the hard way OUCH!
loved it ….. nice one
"I'm sorry IF". This is such a huge one. I feel like it discredits how the other person is feeling. Either apologize for doing something or don't apologize at all. Saying "I'm sorry if I made you feel that way" isn't taking proper responsibility for what happened.
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Excellent advice! I shared this with my husband…I share all your post with him,who am I kidding…lol! We loved it! The Blissful Wife, Nicki G. http://www.blissfulvida.com
My wife and I haven't banned certain words…yet. But I really like the idea of doing this. Recently we've started writing little notes to each other on our grocery list white board. And while it's certainly a nice addition and brightens our days when we see notes from one another, I really think implementing a strategy like eliminating words will really improve communication, especially during times when we aren't exactly seeing eye to eye on a topic.
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Great post!!!! I personally took HUGE offense often when hubby would say "that doesn't make any sense!" I would especially get angry that was spoken in relation to MY FEELINGS!!!
I have had to stop doing plenty of things. Sometimes he said I asked to "not talk about this right now" too often. Or I would say "I have nothing to say." I still use it sometimes, but I let him know that honestly my emotions are getting the best of me and if I speak now I don't think what I say is going to be what I REALLY mean, and I need time to gather my thoughts.
The 4 words that you have mentioned here has a meaning and I understand why. i may not have a husband at this point of time but I know I will also realize this in the future when i get married.
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a great well written blog with loads of great advice thank you will be returning to read more
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This inspires me to propose that my husband and I take a few words off of the table, too, like "always", "never", and "you don't". Those can really get the blood boiling!
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Great post!!!! I personally took HUGE offense often when hubby would say "that doesn't make any sense!" I would especially get angry that was spoken in relation to MY FEELINGS!!!
I have had to stop doing plenty of things. Sometimes he said I asked to "not talk about this right now" too often. Or I would say "I have nothing to say." I still use it sometimes, but I let him know that honestly my emotions are getting the best of me and if I speak now I don't think what I say is going to be what I REALLY mean, and I need time to gather my thoughts.
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