I Didn’t Have to ‘Think Like A Man’ to Get Mine, Did You?

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My husband and I just got home from the movie theater. We went to see the new movie Think Like A Man, and let me just go ahead and say, we did enjoy it. It was funny, smart, and way more realistic than we expected it to be. Now, that said, it was still a movie…not real life. We must always remember, there is a difference, so the “lessons” the film is dishing out should be taken with a grain of salt.

I’ll admit that I didn’t read Steve Harvey’s best seller “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man” when it first came out; not because I’m a hater, but rather because I’d already met a good man by then and wasn’t totally sold on the idea that I needed to read the book to keep him around. I read it a few years later, mostly out of curiosity. I’d heard so many women swear they’d “turned the tables” on the men in their lives by using a rule from Harvey’s playbook, so you know I had to see what all the fuss was about. I was impressed with the empowerment behind much of his advice, I’ll admit. But, I wasn’t convinced enough to walk around preaching Harvey’s sermons to the masses. Why? My reason is simple: I didn’t have to “man up” to meet a good man who respected me, cherished me, and was willing to put in the effort required to earn my love and trust.

When I met Man, I didn’t approach dating thinking like I thought he did, I thought like me because that’s all I knew how to do and I wanted to be true to myself and date within my comfort zone. The book (and the movie) will tell you that thinking a step ahead of the guy you want to be with will get you to the relationship you want faster, or filter out the losers. Maybe…but that’s not always the case. Not every man is a conniving genius who strategically plans out every play or pass he makes at you. If you believe that, I think you’re giving some men too much credit.

Yes, there are plenty of jerks, dogs, and deadbeats out there trying to get your “cookies,” and faking interest, affection, and in extreme cases even love, just to score them. But then there are the decent men out there who ask you out because they want to get to know you better, not because they’re testing out a pickup line. The ones who want to be intimate because they genuinely find you attractive and feel it’s okay to make a move; not because they think that’s all you’re good for. The ones who don’t give a shit how successful or beautiful you are if you’re ugly on the inside. The ones who think a woman who throws her rules and standards in a man’s face before he can even get the check on a first date are more man than they could ever be and pretty scary.

Call me crazy, but based on my own personal experiences with love and dating, I do believe that for every three manipulating men out there, there is one who’s keeping it real with you. So, I ask, why not play it straight with that guy? If you’re playing mind games before you two have even gotten into each others’ heads, you’re not starting off a relationship on the right foot. When you meet a man, the question isn’t, “What is his angle?”; it’s does he have one at all? Keep an open mind here and the answers might surprise you. After it occurred to me that I was actually falling for my husband, what was most refreshing about being with him was the realization that I didn’t have to try manipulate his actions to fit my needs or play mind games to get him to say the things I needed to hear – he just did. True, no man is perfect, but finding one who’s giving you the real him and enjoying the real you is a great thing.

Think about it, ladies. That’s all I’m asking. If you’re into a guy and you’re in the “dating phase”, ask yourself one (or all) of these questions: Am I judging him based on what’s in front of me or what I think I know? Am I searching for faults or are they really there? Does he expect me to be anything other than what I am? Do I have to change me to change him? That’s not thinking like a woman or a man; that’s thinking like someone who wants to fall in love for real and for all the right reasons. That’s a unisex skill we can all hone….

Married? In a serious relationship? Did you have to “think like a man” to get the commitment and love you wanted from him?

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15 Responses to I Didn’t Have to ‘Think Like A Man’ to Get Mine, Did You?

  1. HarlemLoveBirds says:

    I feel mostly how you did – had no interest in the book or movie, but am kinda curious now to see it after seeing all the positive feedback popping up on my timeline. I completely agree with this: "Not every man is a conniving genius who strategically plans out every play or pass he makes at you." That's exactly how I felt about my husband when I first met him. He just seemed so transparent and real compared to many other men I had dated. He is very much that way still and when women ask for my relationship advice I tell them seek out someone who doesn't play games and is straightforward. Maybe I'll catch the movie on demand later but for now no need for me to see it.
    My recent post My Heart's in Harlem

  2. BrothaTech says:

    Isnt this just another romantic comedy? Should WE really take this movie (like we seem to do all OUR movies) so seriously?

    I’ve seen a buch of reviews before and after the movie was released, and the one thing I got from the reviews of both the book and the movie is:

    Sometimes WE take OUR entertainment a little too seriously. 

    I mean, Steve Harvey is an entertainer right? So why are WE taking to heart what he wrote in the book that was adapted into a movie?

    Sure, some women can learn a thing or two on how some men think, while others will brush it off their shoulders. Honestly, I think that’s all WE should take from all this. 

    When WE go watch OTHER romantic comedies and read OTHER books, are WE so up in arms? My hunch is we don’t – We laugh, we cry, we learn…and the we go home. Why should it be different when WE put out a movie?

    Maybe i’m too non-chalant about life in general, but I think the effort WE put in OUR entertainers surprises me sometimes.

    • glossedmimi says:

      This is such a valid observation. I'm not really sure why we take our entertainment so seriously. It is what it is. I have never felt the need to think like a man. If anything I just learned to compromise.

      I truly feel like people are reaching for anything that they feel will increase their chances of finding the one. I guess each to his own. But no, I didn't have to think like a man.

    • daisy1998 says:

      OMG THANK YOU I tweeted the same thing about black folks taking ET way to serious. It is a freaking movie for crying out loud. If I saw one more comment about " I didn't see myself in the movie" I was going to scream esp. when as many men as said women have dated I bet you there is a man who will say otherwise. I have not used any advice from any romantic comedy black or white I just watch to be entertained.

  3. Allie says:

    Charli,

    A couple of years ago my mom came over (she lives far from me) with her new Kindle. I was intrigued and asked if I could read something on it. Randomly she chose Steve's book.

    Now I was to only read a sample of how it looked on the Kindle, it didn't matter which book. After reading one page I was hooked. I read about 1/3 of the book before she had to leave. I wanted more but I don't read offline often so never finished it.

    I was very impressed with his insight. All I knew of Steve was that he was a sitcom guy. The book really helped me see him in another light. Not to mention men and women in a different light.

    I honestly can't remember details but what I do remember thinking was "thank you Steve for bringing respect into relationships." But from what I read above the book might have taken a different direction after I stopped. I would not want to manipulate anyone. We need books that are neutral to the sexes and help relationships flourish without trickery.

    I have been married 17 years and we have molded each other into what is now our relationship. So I don't really need the book, lol. But I wish I read more about men, relationships and communication when I first got married.

    Glad I came by from Sonia's. :-)

    ~Allie
    My recent post The Second Leg of My Online Journey: Starting to Feel That Sense of Accomplishment

  4. terry says:

    I have to agree with the article (even with my limited dating experience). I don't know why a woman needs to man up or whatever. Why is it such a game when plain old honesty and knowing what you want and don't want is really what it takes?

    And then again, it's just a book, a movie and Steve Harvey (who's getting a paycheck at the end of the day). Use your head and your heart, they're the only one's who's intentions you can be sure of.

  5. Another great article, Wife!!! Like you, I definitely did NOT have to "think like a man" in order to get and/or keep him…I simply tried to be the best me I could be so that he would strive to be the best "he" he could be. I really agree with the points you made in this article, and yes, it's very important for the viewers of this movie to remember that there is a fine line between reality and movies that portray real life events. We must take Steve Harvey's advice with a grain of salt because he's not a relationship coach, he's a comic. :)
    My recent post Why Worry? 3 Tips Towards Eliminating Your Anxiety

  6. @SimplyB says:

    I am a big fan of romantic comedies and I just saw this one as another to add to the list.

  7. Pingback: Charli Penn: I Didn’t Have To ‘Think Like A Man’ To Find Mine

  8. Sam says:

    I think that these flipped aspects of the situation ore totally useless, we CANNOT think like a man, and actually, we don't have to. Men love us because we are women, they want us act like a women and think like a women. Although it could function as a filter for jerks, love isn't like a business plan.
    My recent post How to Lose Weight Fast through the Best Natural Ways

  9. Tazzee says:

    I started reading the book the day I met my husband and I thought it was pretty good at giving women insight on how a man thinks. I never once thought I had to think like one. The part that stood out to me was the signs that a man is into you. This was over 3 years ago but I think it was Proclaim, protect and provide. I watched my hubby do ALL whereas other guys I dated wouldn’t.

    It was something I always knew and expected but I must admit it was great having it confirmed by a man. This is from a woman with no brothers and an absent father. So I think the book benefitted some women.

    I haven’t seen the movie but that’s because I was traveling. Hubby and I have a date night coming up.

  10. Georgia Daniels says:

    I liked this movie a lot. It was totally hilarious.
    I'm happily married and never had to act like a man to get the love that my husband gives me now.

    -Georgia
    My recent post click here

  11. We saw this movie this past weekend. It was cute but like you said it was a movie not real life. I never even heard of the book, didn't know it was a real book. I didn't have to think like a man to get my man and I am glad. Too much work. You can only be who you are and if that is not good enough than neither is he. You do have to kiss a lot of frogs though to find your prince. And when you do it is worth it and you will know pretty quickly when it is right.
    My recent post Mother's Day Giveaway!

  12. Happiness says:

    Happiness
    comes to them who opens their door for small treats that life provides to them. So be happy and live longer!

  13. Bloom says:

    Wife I am really, really, really enjoying reading your posts, so much so that I am still not out of bed this morning. Your site is refreshing and fun and insightful. I loved both the book and the movie and I think that the point of the book that the movie is based (what Steve is trying to share with women) is that we should stop chasing after men and being aggressive in our pursuit of them, because when they want to be with us, when they are "into" us, they will pursue us, and we will not have to beg or scream or look desperate in order to get their attention. He provides us, in the book, insight into the man's mind, and I for one, am very very grateful for that because when a guy did not follow through on his word or call when he said he would or blew me off, I used to internalize that and think something was wrong with me, but now I know that is not the case. Steve emphasizes with consistency on both his show and in that book, that women are the prize, worth more than any precious jewelry and that we need to start realizing and feeling our own worth and value, and start showing that and embodying that when we interact with men. We are worth more than diamonds, our beauty is so precious, and we need to start being discerning about who we share that beauty inside and out, emotionally, spiritually, and physically with. That is Steve's main point, and he has helped me to believe that there is someone out there for me, someone special like my sisters both have now, someone who will cherish, and do the 3 Ps (that Steve talks about) profess, provide, and protect like a real man does and should. The movie, takes many liberties of course, and really draws out some of the stereotypes, but the main points in the actual book are very valid and real and have made me stop "chasing" men because I know the one who is going to want me, who is going to want to claim me and scoop up this preciousness will chase me and pursue me and want to get at me and get my time, love, and affection, not the other way around, which contradicts everything in nature. That is the beauty, in a nutshell, of the book and the show. Thanks for reading, Wife, and I would love to hear back from you and dialogue a bit. Your wedding pictures are lovely and you rock. Thanks for starting this awesome blog!!!! It is truly refreshing.

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