I picked the right guy. (Thank God!) But, he wasn’t the guy I thought I’d choose to spend forever after with – seriously. But, trust and believe, he’s better. I’m thankful every day that I chose well. I remember fantasizing about my good-on-paper guy constantly; he and I were going to meet in college (A Different World/Hilman style!) fall madly in love, grow together not apart, and then meet at the altar to continue our fairytale. I met that guy in college, but the love wasn’t real and he certainly wasn’t the prince I thought he would be. He didn’t treat me like his princess, much less his queen. I stayed around longer than I should have waiting for things to magically change and then fall in line with my fantasies. That never happened. I moved on….
Then I met Mr. Supposed-Dream Guy toward the end of college and he told me everything I wanted to hear, but never meant a word of it. He said the things I imagined he would, but his actions almost always fell short. Again, I stuck it out longer than i should have, but not quite as long as the last time. I was getting the hint, slowly.
Then I met The Guy, whom I now lovingly refer to as my husband, and he was nothing like the prince charming I daydreamed and doodled about all my young life, instead he was every kind of better…I just needed to remove my rose-colored glasses long enough to see it…
Right before Man and I walked down the aisle I spent a lot of time reflecting on all the frogs I had to lock lips with and wait up for, before I met up with my destiny. Most of them walked and talked like a dream guy, but it was all a disguise. They weren’t all bad, but they weren’t at all what I needed. They knew and I knew it, but sometimes it’s easier to pretend when you want right now to be the right time. The thing is, as much as we’d like to, we just can’t rush love, or fate.
Blessings come in all sorts of packages and styles, and mine walked into my life at the most inconvenient time possible – an exes’ family function for Christ’s sake — and I nearly succeeded in blocking my blessing with my own misguided visions of real love. He didn’t want to do the things for me I thought I wanted, he lived to do the things I needed instead. They’re two very different thing, and somewhere hidden amongst those differences is what I believe to be the definition of true love.
I don’t have the gall to lie to you ladies and pretend I knew he was The One as soon as I should have. Fibbing just isn’t what I do here on Man Wife and Dog. You know, Man kept on calling, coming back, and carving out his own place in my life until I wised up and finally broke down those emotional walls. It was then that I let go of the man I thought I was “supposed to marry” and opened myself up to the possibility of letting the one I was meant to marry love me the way he wanted, and the way I deserved. It’s deep stuff ya’ll. When this kind of epiphany hits home you feel it, and you know you’ve changed.
We women so often get caught up on our “wants” and “must-haves” and blatantly overlook and disregard our own true needs. (I got into all that in a little more detail here, remember?) Why, oh why, do we do that? A lot of single women ask me how I found the caliber of man I did and how we found love and happiness in each other. I always say the same thing: I cleared my mind, and therefore my vision, so I was finally able to see him standing there. I don’t know many married women who would tell you their husband is exactly who they thought he’d be, but they will all, I’m sure, tell you the man they chose is most certainly better. You just can’t always know what’s best for you, but you can be prepared to know it when you see it.
If you’ve found The One, I ask you, isn’t he different, yet way more awesome than the man you dreamed up in your mind? If you haven’t found love just yet, but you’re looking, I ask you, do you love and know yourself enough to truly see him when he finally arrives? Think about it…Happy Friday my darlings!