Marry the One You Really Love, Not the One You “Always Thought” You Would

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I picked the right guy. (Thank God!) But, he wasn’t the guy I thought I’d choose to spend forever after with – seriously. But, trust and believe, he’s better. I’m thankful every day that I chose well. I remember fantasizing about my good-on-paper guy constantly; he and I were going to meet in college (A Different World/Hilman style!) fall madly in love, grow together not apart, and then meet at the altar to continue our fairytale. I met that guy in college, but the love wasn’t real and he certainly wasn’t the prince I thought he would be. He didn’t treat me like his princess, much less his queen. I stayed around longer than I should have waiting for things to magically change and then fall in line with my fantasies. That never happened. I moved on….

Then I met Mr. Supposed-Dream Guy toward the end of college and he told me everything I wanted to hear, but never meant a word of it. He said the things I imagined he would, but his actions almost always fell short. Again, I stuck it out longer than i should have, but not quite as long as the last time. I was getting the hint, slowly.

Then I met The Guy, whom I now lovingly refer to as my husband, and he was nothing like the prince charming I daydreamed and doodled about all my young life, instead he was every kind of better…I just needed to remove my rose-colored glasses long enough to see it…

Right before Man and I walked down the aisle I spent a lot of time reflecting on all the frogs I had to lock lips with and wait up for, before I met up with my destiny. Most of them walked and talked like a dream guy, but it was all a disguise. They weren’t all bad, but they weren’t at all what I needed. They knew and I knew it, but sometimes it’s easier to pretend when you want right now to be the right time. The thing is, as much as we’d like to, we just can’t rush love, or fate.

Blessings come in all sorts of packages and styles, and mine walked into my life at the most inconvenient time possible – an exes’ family function for Christ’s sake — and I nearly succeeded in blocking my blessing with my own misguided visions of real love. He didn’t want to do the things for me I thought I wanted, he lived to do the things I needed instead. They’re two very different thing, and somewhere hidden amongst those differences is what I believe to be the definition of true love.

I don’t have the gall to lie to you ladies and pretend I knew he was The One as soon as I should have. Fibbing just isn’t what I do here on Man Wife and Dog. You know, Man kept on calling, coming back, and carving out his own place in my life until I wised up and finally broke down those emotional walls. It was then that I let go of the man I thought I was “supposed to marry” and opened myself up to the possibility of letting the one I was meant to marry love me the way he wanted, and the way I deserved. It’s deep stuff ya’ll. When this kind of epiphany hits home you feel it, and you know you’ve changed.

We women so often get caught up on our “wants” and “must-haves” and blatantly overlook and disregard our own true needs. (I got into all that in a little more detail here, remember?) Why, oh why, do we do that? A lot of single women ask me how I found the caliber of man I did and how we found love and happiness in each other. I always say the same thing: I cleared my mind, and therefore my vision, so I was finally able to see him standing there. I don’t know many married women who would tell you their husband is exactly who they thought he’d be, but they will all, I’m sure, tell you the man they chose is most certainly better. You just can’t always know what’s best for you, but you can be prepared to know it when you see it.

If you’ve found The One, I ask you, isn’t he different, yet way more awesome than the man you dreamed up in your mind? If you haven’t found love just yet, but you’re looking, I ask you, do you love and know yourself enough to truly see him when he finally arrives? Think about it…Happy Friday my darlings!

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26 Responses to Marry the One You Really Love, Not the One You “Always Thought” You Would

  1. ChristianChameleon says:

    Love this!!!! Very vaild points in this article. Well written.

  2. Yes, yes, yes…I love this. My man is totally not who I imagined. Everyone use to always wonder how we got together since we are pretty much two completely different people. I thought I was going to marry some skinny-nerdy-soft spoken business man(urkel type). My J is so not skinny! I love his masculinity or "roughness"….a true laborer. He is a nerd at heart though. I love that he is a man's man. He is so charming and cool. He is the man and definitely more awesome than the one I once dreamed of.
    My recent post Random Rambles: Screwed Up

    • Pam says:

      Thanks for posting this comment. It is a great article. I came across this through Google because the man that I just started seeing is not at all who I have been attracted to in the past and not who I imagined being with. I've always been into tall engineer/ tech type guys. But they were all frogs. All jerks who I had to constantly chase after for attention, then they each lied to me and broke my heart. But this man I met by chance. He approached me in a respectful manner and introduced himself and talked to me. Because he's different than other guys I've dated (still cute, but a different metro type style) he's had to do some chasing with me (been asking me out for 6 months). But I am finally ready to give him a chance and not let my own head get in the way of something that could be great. I am glad to know that it is very common that who you are meant to be with is different than who you thought you would be with.

  3. Loved this post! My pastor always used to tell us to focus on how a guy treats you and not so much on the perfect guy list you may have made for yourself. That's what I finally did with my husband. He was always that guy who was my friend that I never thought anything romantic about because I was so busy chasing after the same frogs that you mentioned. ;) It wasn't until another friend's wedding, that I actually stopped and paid attention to the man he had become and the wonderful way he treated me when we were just friends. Now, we are newlyweds and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. It's funny how life ends up like that. If only we could go back in time & tell our younger selves that! Lol!
    My recent post The Broken Ornament Mystery

  4. Kyla says:

    thank you for this. very honest and no, the man I found is not what I expected but hes amazing

  5. Stephanie says:

    OMG, this is soooooooo true. My husband of 7 weeks:) is not who I thought I would end up with, but yes he is wayyyyy more awesome than all those jokers I dated before. Plus, he is exactly the man I need. I can't imagine being with anyone else. He truly fills up my gaps and I his. We were made for each other, and that couldn't have been better expressed than on the day we got married. It's like the windows of heaven opened up and everything just fell right into place. He is the greatest and I feel abudantlly blessed :-)

  6. Suzan says:

    excellent article…woman of all ages do the same…even the second time around……took me awhile to realize the man that was best for me was not the one who was telling me he was …but…the man who acted like he was…Amen

  7. Alisha says:

    Sounds very similar to my experience. Thank God I wised up as well!
    My recent post What Do you do When Divorce Has Become an Option

  8. nylse says:

    after i was married for maybe 10 years, i had an epiphany one morning – i have the man that i need; the perfect man for me.

    this was wonderfully written!
    My recent post Maranatha

    • Aja says:

      This is different. How did you feel for the first ten years of the marriage? What made you finally realize that you had who you needed?

  9. Thank, Q says:

    This was very good! I enjoyed it. I'm so glad I didn't marry Ms. Gotta Body back in the day. She was so fine that I literally saw her cause two accidents just from walking down the street. And she didn't wear provocative outfits either. She was just naturally sexy, even in flannel. But, she lied like a rug. I wanted her to be "the one" so badly, but luckily, I was mature to realize that she wasn't going to work. She was the last ex-girlfriend I had before I started dating The Mrs. I'm so glad that I didn't settle on the one I wanted instead of the one that I needed.
    My recent post You So Nasty!

  10. WoW! I love this… I am waiting patiently for The One. I guess I was like you chosing busters and staying to long at the fair and hoping things would work…I am really working on keep my mind clear and not have these preconceieved ideas. I beleive that God will hlep all the way.
    My recent post Get A Life!

  11. Rita says:

    O-M-G this entry speaks to me. I literally had this thought a few days ago as I've recently started dating someone I never thought I would, he was supposed to just be my friend. Instead I've been having the best dates of my life and I'm genuinely enjoying myself. It's been A LONG time since a man has been a gentleman and taken the time to enjoy my companionship. He is nothing like the guys I usually date and isn't close to being anything like the one I thought I would marry, and yet I DONT CARE. I'm loving this moment right now between us and its all that matters
    My recent post Fashion Friday

  12. {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After says:

    Was just talking to a friend about this yesterday. She recently let go of a man who was perfect on paper (literally met all the checklist criteria), yet still wasn't the one. It was so crazy to see that even the "perfect" guy isn't so perfect if he's just not the one.
    My recent post Mommy and Me.

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Exactly!! Our definitions of perfection, ultimately, must evolve and grow as we do. Denying this fact will really block our blessings. Thanks for the comment love JeLisa, I've missed you!

  13. High five, amen, all of that! My husband wasn't supposed to be my husband. He was just supposed to be a guy I talked to, a good fiend. He became so much more than that. Even when I fell for him, I was so overly infatuated, I still didn't believe he'd be my husband. At 17, he told his boss I was going to be his wife and the future mother of his kids. While that made me blush, I didn't believe him. 3 1/2 years later, here we are! Married and in love. He's not who I thought I was going to marry. I thought I was going to marry a guy who always loved to go, go, go, not a homebody. I thought I'd marry a guy who was too cool for school. Not that my hubby isn't, but he doesn't let anything slide by him, especially when it comes to anyone hurting or disrespecting me. He's so much more that I needed than I could ever want.
    My recent post 2012 Goal: Batch Cooking

  14. normawrites says:

    This was so me. My husband was what I needed! He is a hard worker, treats me with love and respect and gives me his best. My story would have played out like Whitley and Dwayne too (hopeless romantic) but I got my personally designed love story (I met him after I cut my hair to go natural – my new stylist played matchmaker…4.5 years later, hair grew back (perm again) and we're married). Love the blog…
    Norma Jarrett, author & blogger (Brunch Lady)

  15. Lyneece says:

    Love this article. I’m 19, never dated. I’m simply waitin 4 the right guy- I don’t have a list of the perfect man. I just want a relationship with reciprocal love. So far, I’ve met many idiots. Recently I was told by some guy who I really thought had potential that I’m “too much of a good girl” and “too innocent to get down busy”. #l’m left disillusioned

  16. Love this!!!! Very vaild points in this article. Well written.

  17. I agree with your ideas :) I think love is the beauty of the world and your lucky of you find our love.I wish you all the best :)

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