The Man You Know Can Change (The Herman and Gloria Cain Discussion)

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gloria and herman cainBy now you’ve all heard Gloria Cain’s reasons for supporting her husband Herman Cain, whose campaign for presidential candidacy has been seriously stalled by numerous allegations from women that he sexually harassed them in the past. Put simply, she feels that since her husband “respects women” and always has, the man she knows couldn’t possibly do the things his accusers say he did.

Although Mrs. Cain did seem remarkably genuine, most of America isn’t buying it, and have as a result, labeled her “naïve”. I agree, but for different reasons. Sadly, when it comes to cut-throat politics it’s hard to know when you’re being sold the truth or a lie. Did Cain do it? I don’t know. It would seem like it, but who knows?

This blog isn’t about my thoughts on politics or the presidential campaign, so I’ll move on to my point here. I think Mrs. Cain is “naïve” to think that the man she married could never ever do a complete 180. You shouldn’t go into a marriage expecting the person you love to change, but let’s fact it here, sometimes people do. As a wife, yes, it is your duty to stand by your husband and support him, but at what point does truth trump loyalty? Had her argument been that she’s certain the women are known liars, or received payment for their “accusations” to help take down his presidential aspirations, I might have understood her more. But if her only adamant justification for supporting him “200 percent” was because there’s no way the man she knows could do those things, I can’t help but want to ask Mrs. Cain, are you sure you dear hubby Herman couldn’t change?

Now I’m not part of their marriage, so I can’t make a call on this one either way. Not my place. But I do feel compelled to at least point out here that sometimes a man isn’t what you think he is – even if that man’s your husband. And, as much as it’s your duty to stand by him, it’s your duty to dig for facts to support your loyalty and not ignore the writing on the wall if things go wrong. Are you being a “good wife” if you’re ignoring the signs that the man you married may not be who you thought he was, or has, in fact, changed? I don’t think so. Now, let me say again, I expected her to do nothing less than defend her husband on national TV, but I do wonder how she’ll feel watching this tape again later if she finds out the allegations were in fact true and she had just an inkling that she was defending an abuser of women? How will she sleep at night?

I’ll leave you with this question: When, if ever, should you stop standing by your man?

Here’s a clip….

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6 Responses to The Man You Know Can Change (The Herman and Gloria Cain Discussion)

  1. I have no idea what the truth is in this case.
    But let me tell you, if it was my husband and it was true…………AIN'T no way, I am going on TV to defend him. I wouldn't bash him, but my face would tell it all (without me saying a word). ;)
    Moving on, people do change and I believe in marriage we have to be aware of those changes and find ways to remain connected.

  2. shewrote says:

    what i think is naive is going into a marriage thinking 1) that your partner won't change–why wouldn't your partner change?? aren't you going to change? are *you* the same person you were 10, 5, or even 1 year ago? in our premarital counseling we were instructed to expect change. And 2) assuming that you know everything there is to know about a person. I think it always looks naive when people assert that they know a person so well that they know he/she would never do xyz. . .how could you know that? once again, many people find themselves doing things they themselves thought they wouldn't do, aren't proud of, and/or indulged in in a moment of weakness–how can you discount someone else's ability or inclination toward the same just because he/she is your spouse? we are all only human.
    as a wife, i think your loyalty means you should initially be biased toward his side of the story but recognize that bias and don't let it preclude your ability to be open to facts and evidence. no one takes a vow to be ignorant.

  3. Great topic of discussion…I guess we will never know the real truth whether he did or he didn't…but some wives will choose to stand by their husbands even when they have the ability to change…i think the media referring to her as "naive" is a little strong because we don't really know what she is saying to him behind close doors. she was probably forced to come out and speak which is another topic all by itseld. Additionally, i am keeping in mind that this is politics and marriage and although it's not always right…women will stand by their men for political gains ..let me not forget hilary standing by her man…if not literally…she is still with him…

  4. myloverswife says:

    You should stand by your man until you have proof that he has done wrong. The fact that Herman Cain has so many accusers should give his wife a reason to pause and reconsider their relationship. I’m not sure how one would execute a search for truth in this situation, but that’s what she needs to figure out real quick. Everybody changes, to think otherwise is silly.

  5. integratedmemoirs says:

    I can't speak for anyone else, but I would stand by him until my spirit can't hold me up anymore. If I can't live my life with him, fogive him, and still be able to accept him, then I have to leave. A spiritual test is the hardest test, and it's the one that will ultimately show your strength.

  6. {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After says:

    My personal feelings about Herman Cain aside, I can't imagine what it would be like to be the wife of someone in such a scandal. I bet it's incredibly, incredibly hard. I feel for her.
    My recent post Well, those days are over!

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