Having Problems? Give It a S.E.C (Sex, Excitement, and Communication!)

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Make it work!

Every Wednesday night I participate in the best free counseling on the planet – better known as Black and Married With Kids’ Marriage Chat twitter party (#marriagechat). Last night’s topic was improving your marriage – one of my favorites. My husband and I are always up for learning how to love each other better and stay committed to our marriage.

When the group was asked how we strengthen our marriage, I lifted my eyes from my laptop and asked my dear hubby what exactly it is we do to “boost our connection” during a rough patch. We both responded at the same time, “Communicate!” Then he goes, “We have more sex!”, just as I was saying, “We up the excitement factor.” We both had huge smiles on our faces, just thinking about how much of a difference those things make. There it was. We’d identified our formula for reviving those dead spells in our marriage. So, I say to you, if times are tough, give your marriage a S.E.C.! Here’s how:

Sex Things Up A Bit
Let’s be honest, sex plays a large role in any marriage. You should be having as much of it as you can squeeze in and hen it’s good, usually big smiles and happy thoughts follow. Now I’m not saying great sex will cure your problems, but a lack thereof can cause a little “tension” in your marriage. Hit the sack, together, and get back to the loving. Need inspiration? Play those songs that always “take you there”, act out a shared fantasy, or maybe start the night off with his and her massages. Whatever works for you – just do it! (Pun intended!)

Excite Each Other
Like it or not, sometimes the day-to-day routine of your marriage can get a little mundane. Don’t fret, it happens. We’ve all been there. The key to turning this around is making a conscious effort to liven things up a bit. There are so many ways to do this. On a small scale, you can decide to cook your favorite meal together or book a baby sitter and plan that date night you keep putting off. If you’re really in need of some action, try stalking deal sites like LivingSocial or Groupon and look for a romantic weekend getaway that’s a steal. Boredom can be the enemy in your marriage. Real talk? Have some fun! Every marriage needs it. It’s worth making the time for.

Communicate Every Chance You Get
If you’re having issues with your marriage that you haven’t discussed with your partner, then you’re not actively trying to fix them. Coming clean when times are the roughest can feel like an instant weight lifted. Instead of resenting your spouse every morning for doing that same thing you constantly ask them not to, just tell them they’re driving you nuts. It may come out a little harsh, but at least it’s a conversation starter. Not discussing what’s really got you ticked off will only allow the anger to fester. More anger and frustration leads to less sex and there’s nothing exciting about bickering. Communication is the key to any success you’ll have in working through it and a necessary tool in your Make-It-Work kit.

What are the strategies that work best for you when you’re trying to make your marriage work? What’s in that tool box?

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16 Responses to Having Problems? Give It a S.E.C (Sex, Excitement, and Communication!)

  1. RosesDaughter says:

    I love this! Great advice!

  2. Pingback: Having Problems? Give Your Marriage A S.E.C (Sex, Excitement and Communication) | Black and Married With Kids.com - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

  3. I like that. Give your marriage a S.E.C. – great advice!

  4. Anna says:

    These are very good advices. And even the order of them is so important! You got me!
    My recent post Can a tooth bonding fall off the front tooth when biting into an apple?

  5. I love it! Very solid advice. :)
    My recent post Mess with my Child? Are you serious?

  6. Debra says:

    Great post and so true…
    My recent post The Burden

  7. Cam | Bibs & Baubles says:

    great advice… one usually leads to the other. communicate then you're feeling better and the loving usually follows!
    My recent post Fashionably Speaking…

  8. This is 100% true. I never thought about it that way. Now it's easy to remember… S.E.C!
    My recent post Rx

  9. Mrs.pancakes says:

    These are great suggestions! Thanks for sharing! I might have to participate in this one day..sounds fun!
    My recent post Inspire Me Series: Alida/Blackpurl's Knitpickings!

  10. Darren Miller says:

    These are three things that I always advise people to work on. Often, when a marriage becomes stuck in a rut, sex is one of the first things to dwindle. I believe sex is important in a marriage. It strengthens the bond between you, you feel closer and more connected to each other.

    It is important to keep the excitement in your marriage. Try not to get bogged down with day to day life. Do things together, share experiences.

    My partner and I take one day a week where we actively go and do something together, whether it is going to the movies or a day trip somewhere. This helps us to relax and enjoy each other's company.

    Finally, communication really is key to a long-lasting marriage. Talk about and solve the little issues before they become big problems.

  11. Mrs_Mommy_MD says:

    Thanks for the tips and that acronym is great so you won't forget it! That's med school GOLD…we use mnemonics and acronyms for everything LOL
    My recent post Music Monday

  12. Lemuel says:

    Another great reason why I follow.

  13. Lisa says:

    It's great advice and also written very nicely…but I think that when a marriage suffers a crisis, you are going to need to do some more than this. But, for minor problems it's great!
    My recent post How to Save Marriage From Divorce – 3 Uncommon Ways to Save Your Marriage

  14. Marcella says:

    oh i just love your post, i'll be getting married next year and this is a great advice from you.
    My recent post Kill black before it kills you

  15. Pretty great post. I simply stumbled upon your blog and wanted to mention that I’ve really enjoyed surfing around your weblog posts. In any case I’ll be subscribing in your feed and I’m hoping you write again soon!

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