5 Things No One Tells You About Marriage (But Should!)

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As I’ve said before, I’m always writing lists…some worth sharing, others, well, not so much. This list came to me on the train ride home last night and I think it’s well worth the heads up. I present to you five things no one tells you about marriage before you get hitched….take notes if you haven’t said “I do” yet, okay?

1. You will have to smell more farts than ever before. (Seriously!)

It’s like a marriage license is an all access gas pass. I knew my husband could clear a room, but I never knew being a wife meant I had to be the one to stick around and “take it”.

2. Making new friends of the opposite sex will never happen again.

This one’s coming purely from a wife’s perspective. Thank God I had a few awesome guy friends in my life B.H (before hubby) because since he’s been around there is never — I repeat never – a legitimate reason to make new ones, as far as my husband’s concerned of course. I’m cool with it, but I feel all women should be warned.

3. You’ll need to save some room on your credit card.

Sometimes there just aren’t enough rooms in your home to get away like you need to when you just need a little “quiet time”. Hopping in your car and escaping to a nearby hotel room is an idea that will pop into your head a time or two and you’re going to want to have the credit (or cash) to do so. Doesn’t mean you’re running, but you’ll soon learn, it’s normal to occasionally want more space than your home allows.

4. Your single friends won’t ever want to hear your advice again.

They’ll say, “you landed your man, what would you do in my situation?” But they’ll really be thinking, “you’re not single, what do you know?” Save your breath!

5. There are always a few hidden expectations.

Sure my husband said it was okay that I didn’t know how to cook when we started dating, and he even asked me to marry him knowing I still ruined more meals than most women – but, when I became his wife he absolutely expected me to figure out how to whip up at least three home-cooked meals a week. No matter what he says before you tie the knot, there will be some inconsistencies between his definition of “wife” and yours.

What would you add to this list?

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20 Responses to 5 Things No One Tells You About Marriage (But Should!)

  1. Brenda says:

    haha Love it! How true they are!

    Brenda
    My recent post Who’s Titan?

  2. Number 2 is untrue in my marriage. I've still made friends of the opposite sex since we've been married. I may have a husband but that doesn't mean I should stop making friends regardless of gender.

    Number 4? Eh. Sometimes. I still have friends who come to me for advice but it's often unrelated to relationships. I dealt with all the "Why does my relationship suck?!" drama when I was in college the first time.

    Number 1: Farting is a sport in my house. 'Nuff said. LOL
    My recent post Back to High School – A Trip Down Memory Lane

  3. so true! especially number 4. My friends are all "you don't know, you're married!" It's as if I were never single! :)
    My recent post Beautiful Brown Girls: Get Ready

  4. 1. Lol. I've found that if I make him smell mine, he will stop!
    2. YEP. I didn't really have any before we got married, but it is clear I will not be making any male friends ever.
    3. My fantasy
    4. My single and married friends actually ask for my advice on everything dealing with love. When did I become the expert?
    5. Oh yes! When we were dating, I cooked a couple of meals here and there and we mostly ate out. I quickly learned in my first week marriage that I better get to cooking everyday.
    My recent post Your Loss Defines Me

  5. #5! He knew I did not like cooking when we dated. After 4 years, every few months he makes a comment saying I should try… ummm I don't want too!
    My recent post Designer Consignment

  6. fran says:

    LOL… when I got married I could not cook. I got tired of eating the same thing and hubby began to complain..I learned to cook! So I understand #5!

  7. blackandmarried says:

    You're married so no need for new mail friends. Tell them dudes to keep it moving – nothing to see here LOL

    • ManWifeDog says:

      HA! Something tells me that's coming from Lamar and not Ronnie. I honestly don't see the harm in having a male friend. A friend is a friend, no? Why is it assumed that all men want to sleep with your wife? We don't assume every woman wants to sleep with you, do we? Oh, wait, do we? Ha! Ladies?

  8. Thank, Q says:

    #1 is absolutely funny to me, but #2 doesn't apply to me for some reason. I've made tons of new female associates on my job and it's not changed anything within my marriage. In fact, The Mrs. has even become friends with a couple of them. Given the nature of my job, people come to me for so much and I guess given my personality and how I treat people, they always try to befriend me.

    Is that bad, Charli? I've never experienced problems in almost 10 years of marriage from any women, but I also try to be selective of who I may associate with regularly.

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Hey Q! No, I don't think that's bad at all. Honestly, my husband has made new female friends at work — quite a few over the years. Some I like, some I don't. I think there's a double standard for sure. If I come home and say, "oh Dave and I went out for lunch today" he immediately goes on the defense (i like to tell myself it's because I'm a great catch he doesn't want to share or lose!) but if he were to come home and say, "Michelle and I went to grab coffee" I don't feel the same defense mechanism kick in. To be honest, I think it may be a bit of a trust issue we're dealing with…on his end of course….so, answer me this, Q. Would you be totally comfortable with a new male friend in your wife's life? My husband always says "i know men, and no man just wants to be your friend"…i could say, "no woman just wants to be your friend" in return, but the truth is, i don't believe that and I'm not big on lying just for the sake of drama. i don't think all women are that thirsty. Ha!

      • Thank, Q says:

        I don't mind at all. As long as they're not shady (in a criminal sense), I'm cool with it. I trust her and as long as she's not trying to hide it, then I don't have a problem with it. Will I pay attention if it occurs more times than not, then maybe I'll make a comment. I know that men want to sleep with their friends. They may never act on it, but they think about it and I get that. But, that has nothing to do with her having lunch with a dude. Now, if it's anything more personal like a house visit or a more intimate setting, then "Houston, we have a problem."
        My recent post Man Training 101

  9. Vonne F says:

    #6 – No one told me about the honeymoon weight newlyweds gain (10-15 lbs. for me) right after marriage because they're so focused on being all lovey-dovey that the gym becomes a distant friend. Once I gained the weight, my family was like "I thought you knew," like I've been married before (and I haven't been)!

    #1- So true! I had to bust out laughing on that one. I just asked him last week if he passed this much gas around his exes, of course the answer was no. I guess I'm just blessed! LOL

    #2- I've made new friends of the opposite sex and some of them have become friends with the hubby boo. I think that depends on the person. However, he's still very protective, so if he becomes a friend with my male friend, that's saying a lot about the person.
    My recent post Love & Expectations

  10. Quiana says:

    Ha ha! More farts for sure. LOVE it!
    My recent post Life with Nia: 14 Months

  11. I love this list. I know I have more to add, but kind of drawing a blank. lol
    I wasn't a great cook before marriage and have greatly improved. But every once in awhile hubby still will ask can you get the recipe from, one of his relatives, and make it like them.
    With that said, I would encourage dating couples to keep it real…….. I wasn't cooking like that during dating, so he doesn't expect that much now. LOL Win for me. ;)
    I still try not to fart in my husband's presence, so he really doesn't do that too much either. Probably because he doesn't want me giving him gross looks…. Yes, we are weird like that. 8-D

    My recent post You don’t check your breast? Are you Serious?

  12. Tiffany says:

    I can totally relate to number 4. That's why I'm a HUGE advocate of making an effort to meet other married women.

    One thing I never heard (or maybe I just never paid attention, lol) is that marriage is HARD WORK! You really do have to put in effort to make it successful. Even when you don't feel like it.I'm not sure I've heard anyone really delve into that. Then again, I'm not surrounded by the best examples of marriage…
    My recent post Reader Request: Cheap Date Ideas

  13. myloverswife says:

    I have to agree with you on the farts…but in my situation I'm the one farting. I know…yuck! It's the fiber.

    Another thing that I've found since getting married is that I have less time (and desire) to gab on about nothing with my girlfriends. I can totally see why when I was growing up my mom only had a few good friends. Free time is a rare and I'd rather spend it with mylover.
    My recent post DATE NIGHT POST #1

  14. Marcella says:

    haha these are pretty cool actually, very true. great post!
    My recent post Get Your ChexSystems Report

  15. John says:

    I love this, but can only comment on #5.
    I really, REALLY wish all single women would understand that men will accept certain things in a girlfriend than they will accept in a wife. When a man considers a woman a girlfriend material, he evaluates her for the “wife” position, and will NOT “promote” her until he is satisfied that she qualifies for the “position”. Thus, a man may date a woman for donkey years, but will not propose to her for this reason. I hope this clarifies to some women why a man won’t “commit” even though he has been with her for a long time.

  16. williesha says:

    I know this was intended as tongue-in-cheek, but these seriously have all been true in my relationship. We are getting married in less than a month, so I'm glad I came across your blog. :)

  17. KJF says:

    Everybody farts. Why do woman have this thing that only men fart. Try being pregnant. You will fart alot more than him.
    I am friends with his guy friends. My partner is my friend!
    I studied to be a chef. I don't like cooking every night. He cooks better than me but i am left to generally cook or we get take outs.
    I escaped in the beginning but soon realised when i got back we still had to sort it out so why run away. sit down or fight about it just sort it out and move on. It;s the best way. If you want to get away get away when you're not fighting and just have me time.
    Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you got their instantly. You were single, you went through shit. Getting married should make you loose your individuality.
    I am not married been together for 7 years and expecting a baby.

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