Over the weekend The Man and I had a lot to juggle and we knew the only way we’d get it all done was to work together as a team. Teamwork has never been a problem for us but sometimes division of labor is. We both want to do what we’re good at and the things we’re not so good at sometimes tend to be the tasks we put off or avoid altogether. Ideally a marriage is said to be a “fifty-fifty”, but is it really? There are so many moments where someone in the partnership is giving or doing more than the other, and sometimes these “moments” turn into weeks or months. It really all depends on the circumstances.
For instance, my husband is a better cleaner and has way more time on weekdays to cook, so he does more of both during the week, and ultimately overall. I feel a lot guilt over this but then I think about my career and how much time it takes away from my marriage. It’s not that I don’t want to do those things; it’s really that I can’t seem to find enough time in the day or week to get to them all. In those moments I feel like my husband’s doing 70 percent of the work needed in our marriage and I’m online doing thirty. Then, on the other hand, I think about the times when my husband’s working two jobs (like now) and because of it is exhausted most of the time when he’s not at work. When he’s sleeping, I’m knocking out what needs to be done (grocery store runs, dog walking, etc.) Those days I feel like I’m the one giving 70 percent to compliment his thirty.
Yes, they say a good marriage is 50/50, but I don’t agree. I think a healthy marriage varies between being 70/30, 60/40, and all the other combinations, and ultimately what matters instead is that together your efforts make 100 percent and the scale shifts often. No one should bare the heavier side of things for too long at once, that’s just not healthy or smart!