A New Sex Game For Married Folks You May Not Want to Play

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the forty beads bookI overheard two women giddily talking about something called the “forty beads” game in line at Dunkin Donuts the other day and using the word “sex” quite frequently in the conversation. I seriously couldn’t wait to google what the heck these women were so damn happy about. I’m thinking, is there some new sex board game out or something?

Nope, note quite. It’s actually a new book by Carolyn Evans called Forty Beads; The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage that offers a token system for married couples who want to improve (or save) their sex life. The “game” goes as follows: Your man gets forty beads that he’s allowed to give to his wife one at a time. He’s supposed to give her one every time he’s horny and his wife must in turn respond within 24 hours with sex. Yup, those are the rules. Evans claims, “There’s nothing to fight about when everybody is happy with their sexual situation.” Wow, if it were only that simple.

The book’s website promises: “The Method dissolves the negative tension that builds around sex in a marriage and replaces it with the sex life you always thought you should have, which in turn creates the relationship you’ve always wanted.”

I had quite a few initial reactions to this “theory”. The first was why don’t women get forty beads? We want some lovin’ sometimes too! Plus I’d love to hand my husband a bead that means take out the garbage and go to the bank by the end of the day and just be able to relax knowing that’s all it would take to make him get it done.

My second thought was, who the hell decided 24 hours was the maximum time frame a man could go without sex before it starts creating drama? Really? Just a day? I can think of at least 10 perfectly acceptable reasons off the top of my head that would cause a couple not to have sex for at least a week, sans drama. Can’t you? But lastly, I wondered if in fact my husband would agree with the thinking behind this so-called-game. So when I got home I asked him about it…

His reaction: “What if I give you two beads? Does that mean you have only 12 hours instead?” And there you have it, just what I ultimately suspected… My husband immediately interpreted this  “method” as a new way to get what he wants when he wants it – my needs nowhere in the picture – and now I might quite possibly have yet another thing for me to worry about getting done on time in a life already too full of rushed deadlines. Yeah, so um, I’m gonna pass on trying this craze. But you should know girls, there are LOADS of raves and praises going around about this method so if any of you are actually down to try it, please do. Then, of course, report back to Man Wife and Dog readers. (Seriously, I want to know if it works for you.)

In the meantime, I just can’t put anything else in my life on a schedule right now. Sorry Ms. Evans…

Thoughts on this “game” wives? It sounds a lot like using sex as a bargaining tool and if you remember most of you weren’t down with that.

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39 Responses to A New Sex Game For Married Folks You May Not Want to Play

  1. WOW! That is pretty interesting…..Seriously, where are my beads? lol There is work to be done in the house, that I would offer up some bead rewards for.
    I do agree couples should appreciate each other's sexual needs…just not sure if this is the method. Very interesting. Thanks for enlightening me. ;)
    My recent post Near Drowning

  2. How could we spin this so that it works? Cuz really, I would do just about anything to make things better in this department.

  3. Buddahkitty says:

    Wow, pretty insulting, no doubt it was invented by a man. I don’t think it’s just the man always begging for sex. Why don’t they just put a bell in the box and when they ring it we can salivate like Pavlov’s dog.

    I agree a take out the trash beed or go run an errand beed would be great too. Seriously don’t know how some people can think this to be a good idea. I think I have a few ideas on where they can stick their beads.

  4. Life As Wife says:

    I think the game needs to be a little more complicated. Each partner should get 40 beads but also get 10 different color beads that mean no-way Jose not happening!! That way each side has ten time were try don’t have too and both sides can learn to give and get a little…

  5. Denise says:

    I guess if your sex life is on track and this helps, then by all means. You do bring up some good points, particularly about where your needs fit in. I'd have to thoroughly look at the game to make a better assessment.
    My recent post Scheduling Sex… The End of Spontaneity?

  6. TheProDiva says:

    Ummm……NO! I am not an advocate of 40 beads. It actually sounds a little silly to me. How does "requiring" a wife to have sex withing 24 hours of getting a bead improve your sex life? And what happens when the beads run out? I'm not interested! On another note, I miss you!
    My recent post Martini Break!!!

  7. Angela says:

    I don't know about this one. I would have to adjust some of the rules like breaking up the 40 beads and give us 20 a piece. Or adjusting time frame of sex because things may very well come up within 24 hours. But I wouldn't be opposed to trying it.

    I don't think I'd have to buy this though. I can just use 40 beans at home, or 40 pennies or 40 scraps of paper…

  8. Tiffany says:

    Hmm… It sounded like a cool idea at first, but I hate that the wife doesn't get any beads. Can we say WACK? So I guess married women don't have sex drives. Smh.
    My recent post What Have You Done for Your Spouse Lately?

  9. *Sha* says:

    I just happened upon your blog through google – and this post made me die of laughter.
    I agree – I would like to have few beads to give to the manfriend so he can do what *I* want.
    Can't wait to read more!!

  10. You've got to be kidding me.

    Why give a bead? Why not just ring a bell, clap your hands or snap your fingers? Or just drop trow and look down…cuz your ever obedient wife will know what to do.

    This "game" sounds like bullshit.

  11. stefanieward says:

    First off, anytime I hear sex and beads I immediately think of anal beads and frankly, 40 of them is a lot. Also, I'm pretty sure my husband would misplace his beads. I dislike this "game" because it implies that only women need to change to have a better sex life with their spouse.

  12. bill says:

    I am a little older and not sure I can perform later when she is ready. Performance comes and goes, So after I think about it and I am aroused does not mean I can do it later in the 24 hours. May be days before urge again. Not so simple.

  13. Daphne S. says:

    I will probably make a lot of people mad here, but it is time someone pointed out the sometimes inconvenient truth.

    The bottom line is, you just can't change biology. Our husbands are always going to want it more than us, and if they can't get it from us, then they WILL be tempted by other women. That doesn't mean they will cheat, It really IS that simple. And no matter how much you may find sex "distasteful" or how firmly you hold to the ridiculous notion that you should only have sex when YOU are in the mood, you cannot change the facts.
    Now, if you are married to a man with a lot of integrity, he may well be tempted and not cheat–but when it comes down to it do you REALLY want to test your husband's integrity like that. There is a lot at stake. Why go there at all.
    Come on ladies, sex with my husband never hurt me and it won't hurt you (unless he's into whips or somthing like that). You really ought to try it sometimes. I might not always start out in the mood, but I usually end up enjoying the experience. And the best part is the effect it has on him. He's just crazy about me. I've got him eating out of my hand. I listen to my friends complain about their husbands and I think "I've got mine doing the cooking, washing the dishes, taking me on romantic dates several times a month, and so on. So, who is the "doormat" here?

    • Rebecca says:

      Actuailly,you are wrong right off the bat.
      My husband’s sex drive is not NEARLY as, lets say, active as mine, and that sortof renders the rest of your argument moot.

      Sorry love. Women can want it just as much, or more than men.

  14. Star says:

    This book is being way oversimplified. I actually read entire book before judging and although sceptic at first realized many points in book were valid and legitimate. There are many things we would like our partners to do for us, and vice versa. What’s so wrong with you, the wife making that first step? I was willing to try it and a satisfied husband acts very different than an unsatisfied one. Don’t bash the book until you’ve read it. It may not work for everyone but if your marriage needs a shot in the arm, what have you got to lose?

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Star, I didn't "bash the book," I shared my husband and I's reaction to the theory behind it. If you had read the post as carefully as you're suggesting I read the book, you'll see that I encourage my readers to give it a try and mention that it has received rave reviews.

  15. Nikki I. says:

    I heard about this book on a T.V. program, I forget which one. The lady invented the "game" as a gift to her husband. There are 40 beads, because it was her husbands 40th birthday. It was meant as a gift to him from her, to use when he wanted….
    The show had a couple on where the lady had to have a total hysterectomy, and although she wanted to be with her husband, it was rather painful for her. By using the 40 beads idea, she had time to prepare to make love to her husband, and in that way it helped their sex life.
    So, if a couple is having difficulties in that department, maybe there are other ways to help their "issues" but if they have tried other things, like myself and my partner, the 40 beads deal might be something new to try. Think about it- if you try it and it doesn't work for you, throw the stupid things away when he isn't at home. :)

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Hi Nikki. Yes, of course, there are certain situations where this game could be a plus. It depends on your marriage. I say, if you think it can work, try it — of course! Thanks for comment love!

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