I overheard two women giddily talking about something called the “forty beads” game in line at Dunkin Donuts the other day and using the word “sex” quite frequently in the conversation. I seriously couldn’t wait to google what the heck these women were so damn happy about. I’m thinking, is there some new sex board game out or something?
Nope, note quite. It’s actually a new book by Carolyn Evans called Forty Beads; The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage that offers a token system for married couples who want to improve (or save) their sex life. The “game” goes as follows: Your man gets forty beads that he’s allowed to give to his wife one at a time. He’s supposed to give her one every time he’s horny and his wife must in turn respond within 24 hours with sex. Yup, those are the rules. Evans claims, “There’s nothing to fight about when everybody is happy with their sexual situation.” Wow, if it were only that simple.
The book’s website promises: “The Method dissolves the negative tension that builds around sex in a marriage and replaces it with the sex life you always thought you should have, which in turn creates the relationship you’ve always wanted.”
I had quite a few initial reactions to this “theory”. The first was why don’t women get forty beads? We want some lovin’ sometimes too! Plus I’d love to hand my husband a bead that means take out the garbage and go to the bank by the end of the day and just be able to relax knowing that’s all it would take to make him get it done.
My second thought was, who the hell decided 24 hours was the maximum time frame a man could go without sex before it starts creating drama? Really? Just a day? I can think of at least 10 perfectly acceptable reasons off the top of my head that would cause a couple not to have sex for at least a week, sans drama. Can’t you? But lastly, I wondered if in fact my husband would agree with the thinking behind this so-called-game. So when I got home I asked him about it…
His reaction: “What if I give you two beads? Does that mean you have only 12 hours instead?” And there you have it, just what I ultimately suspected… My husband immediately interpreted this “method” as a new way to get what he wants when he wants it – my needs nowhere in the picture – and now I might quite possibly have yet another thing for me to worry about getting done on time in a life already too full of rushed deadlines. Yeah, so um, I’m gonna pass on trying this craze. But you should know girls, there are LOADS of raves and praises going around about this method so if any of you are actually down to try it, please do. Then, of course, report back to Man Wife and Dog readers. (Seriously, I want to know if it works for you.)
In the meantime, I just can’t put anything else in my life on a schedule right now. Sorry Ms. Evans…
Thoughts on this “game” wives? It sounds a lot like using sex as a bargaining tool and if you remember most of you weren’t down with that.