So I Tried That Marriage Trick Will Smith Taught Me

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will smith on marriage essence marriage adviceBy now I’m sure many of you saw (either on Twitter or Facebook) that I recently got the chance to sit down and talk candidly about marriage with Will Smith. (I love my job!!)

The experience was truly surreal and eye opening in so many ways. You can read my article about what Will taught me about marriage over on ESSENCE.com for a full recap but today I’m just going to highlight the most valuable tip he shared with me: The art of giving your man the space he needs to stay sane.

“If you don’t give your husband thirty minutes to himself when he first comes home he’ll stop coming home,” Will said.

It was a doozey of a statement but since he and Jada have been happily married for like ever I figured it was totally worth a try. I’ve been guilty many a nights of bombarding my husband with questions/comments/requests the minute he or I walk in the door. Sure he usually looks annoyed but I never really cared that much until now to be honest. I figured it came with the whole marriage territory thing. But after Will dropped his wisdom on me I thought to myself maybe I’m wrong. I want The Man to keep coming home, obviously.

So alas I gave it a go. The Man gets home from work before I do so it’s not quite the same scenario. However, I can tell that he feels attacked often times when I would come home with verbal guns blazing. In an effort to keep the peace (and listen to a bonafide expert like Will), for the last week I’ve given my husband exactly thirty minutes of utter peace when we first see each other in the evenings. After the kiss and the hug we keep to ourselves a bit. It felt a little odd at first, almost like I was ignoring him, but the felling passed and in rolled the peace. I can honestly say that even on nights when we did have something “deep” to discuss there was less tension in the air overall. So much so that I’m thinking we can make this a regular thing in our house. We’ve joked about calling it a “temporary timeout”. What do you think of that phrase? Either way I just had to share it with you all because as it turns out, Will Smith isn’t just an awesome actor, he’s a pretty darn good marriage counselor too. Go figure!

Do you need to attempt this “trick” in your marriage? If you try it, as always, would love it if you come and report back.

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15 Responses to So I Tried That Marriage Trick Will Smith Taught Me

  1. Tiffany In Houston says:

    It took me a while to figure out that hubs needed bit a "me" time when we got home and as it turned out, I did too! I've gotten much better at this!
    My recent post The Ex-Factor

  2. Denise says:

    I don't need to try it on my husband… I need it for MYSELF! LOL. He and I commute to work together so we're ALWAYS together after work. When he picks me up, we get the baby and she's talking incessantly. Sometimes I just need a time-out. Like yesterday I only wanted to sit at my vanity and play around with makeup for a little while — alone. Homie wanted to be up in the mix and talk and joke. I love my baby, but right then I just needed him to GO AWAY! LOL
    My recent post REVIEW: Maybelline New York® EyeStudio® Color Explosion™ – Pink Punch

  3. nylse says:

    when you live it, its easy to share it. i think we now both recognize we need "we" time and each of us tries to give it to the other.
    My recent post Prayer Partners

  4. bossygirl1980 says:

    Yes we have been doing this for awhile and it works for us. There are days were we come home and we just need to decomprese and this does it. After we have had time to ourselves then we can share our day!

  5. This is genius of course. I have a hard time remembering it. My husband works with customer service so he's on the phone getting talked at for ten plus hours a day and the first thing he gets when he comes home, is a wife who continues to talk. Sometimes he's had to go, "Honey, I love you, I want to hear later, but please, please . . . shut up." LOL! I've been trying to give him that half hour.
    My recent post Hot Stuff

  6. Wow…what interesting advice. But it makes a ton of sense. I don't think this will be easy, but I'm going to give it a try.

    And you do have the coolest job ever!
    My recent post So, you think you're cooler than me?

  7. Chasing Joy says:

    It's good to hear things from a man's point of view. I think this is good advice. I'll try to remember this when I am married. :-)
    My recent post Joy On My Hands – Giveaway!!!

  8. Angela says:

    That's cool. The funny part was that my hubby said the same thing Will said and then told me he thought I knew about it. Now I've got a new rule to add to the marriage playbook. I can dig it!
    My recent post Puppy Love

  9. I probably work just as hard looking after the little one and producing and promoting my blogs, yet I don't notice him giving me a rest when he gets in. I have, however, always tried not to let the little one jump all over him when he first gets in.

  10. Date Girl says:

    First off, how freaking cool is it that you got to talk with Will Smith? I love that man! And I love that he has one of those truly happy marriages that seem so elusive in Hollywood. I like that advice, and it's actually something I learned from a platonic roommate I had. He would come home after a long day and he described me as a puppy wanting to play. I would bombard him with energy and talk and he would get overwhelmed. So I learned early on that I need to give my husband some quiet time. He thanks me for it and loves that I understand his need to unwind. I love that "temporary timeout"!

  11. Great idea. Ok sounds like Will Smith knows somethings. I used to live with a guy and he would come home and not speak. Like actually walk in the door and pass by me and not speak. I thought that was like the craziest think ever. Now after this maybe he was needing his time. Interesting
    My recent post Are You In Love OR Is It Just Love?

  12. I have tried this tactic and it totally works. The kiss and hug always come first, but after that I finish up stuff at home that I have neglected and after about 30 minutes I am cooled down and the chemistry between myself and my partner is much better.

  13. Thank, Q says:

    I think there's some truth to what Will said. Although The Mrs. and I generally start talking when I get home from work, it is nice to just unwind sometimes. A nice hug and some peace and quiet can help relieve stress for anyone. Man or woman.
    My recent post Basketball Baby Mamas

  14. Lynn says:

    Yes I agree that this is definitely a necessary thing. Separation makes the heart grow fonder right? After awhile after both of us has decompressed then we are eager to see each other and discuss the days happenings.

    My best, Lynn
    My recent post Baking Soda Say Wha…??

  15. So, does this work with both the man and the dog? The logic is there, I'm wondering if it works though.

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