Stumbled across a crazy interesting article on Jezebel recently and I couldn’t wait to spark some discussion on this one. In her new book “Marriage Confidential” author Pamela Haag breaks down five types of marriage that she believes exist today. I haven’t read the book, but after reading Jezebel’s summary of the “types” and their feelings that they make marriage seem like “happiness funerals” I’m thinking I won’t be adding it to my summer reading list.
Here’s a quick recap of the types (per Jezebel) so we can review and discuss girls. Warning: You might want to sit down for this one.
The Semihappy Marriage
You’re bored with each other but don’t leave because it’s comfortable. You’re going to get a divorce.
The Parenting Marriage
You have kids, so you stay together for them, even though you’d like to get divorced.
You should not have married that sculptor because sculpting doesn’t pay the bills and now the woman is going to have to do all of the work. You’re going to go insane, and then get a divorce.
Ed McMahon Syndrome
You agree with your spouse because you’re fucking sick of arguing. You seem to agree with Johnny Carson a lot. You want a divorce.
You don’t really love each other, but you don’t dislike each other enough to break up. So you don’t. You’re not ballsy enough to divorce, but you want to.
Now that you’ve read them and probably found your jaw locked in the dropped position, let’s review here. Is this lady basically saying that either you can’t stand your husband, can’t stand to start over, can’t deal with wearing the shorts in your marriage, OR you never loved him anyway? Wow, are those really the only answer options in a “what’s your marriage like” multiple choice question? I should hope not. Now, I’ve only been at this marriage thing for eight months now , so I can’t say I’m an expert, but I do highly disagree with these new labels Haag is promoting.
Doesn’t marriage have a bad enough rep these days as it is? Geez lady, haven’t you ever met a happy couple? No? Okay, allow us to introduce ourselves: They call me The Wife, my husband’s The Man, and we share our home with The Dog. If we had to type-cast our marriage we’d probably say the following:
The Healthy Happy Marriage
Some days are better than others but at the end of the day you love each other oh so much. You don’t always agree, but you can agree to disagree. You’re best friends, partners in crime, and each other’s better halves. You both know that marriage takes work and you’re willing to put in the time. You don’t buy into books like “Marriage Confidential” because you don’t believe in letting negativity attack your marriage.
Okay, my rant has ceased. Care to join me anyone?