Does Your Marriage Fit Into One Of These Five New Types? (Ours Does Not)

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Marriage Confidential Book Pamela Haag Review CritiqueStumbled across a crazy interesting article on Jezebel recently and I couldn’t wait to spark some discussion on this one. In her new book “Marriage Confidential” author Pamela Haag breaks down five types of marriage that she believes exist today. I haven’t read the book, but after reading Jezebel’s summary of the “types” and their feelings that they make marriage seem like “happiness funerals” I’m thinking I won’t be adding it to my summer reading list.

Here’s a quick recap of the types (per Jezebel) so we can review and discuss girls. Warning: You might want to sit down for this one.

The Semihappy Marriage
You’re bored with each other but don’t leave because it’s comfortable. You’re going to get a divorce.

The Parenting Marriage
You have kids, so you stay together for them, even though you’d like to get divorced.

Workhorse Wives
You should not have married that sculptor because sculpting doesn’t pay the bills and now the woman is going to have to do all of the work. You’re going to go insane, and then get a divorce.

Ed McMahon Syndrome
You agree with your spouse because you’re fucking sick of arguing. You seem to agree with Johnny Carson a lot. You want a divorce.

The Semimarried
You don’t really love each other, but you don’t dislike each other enough to break up. So you don’t. You’re not ballsy enough to divorce, but you want to.

Now that you’ve read them and probably found your jaw locked in the dropped position, let’s review here. Is this lady basically saying that either you can’t stand your husband, can’t stand to start over, can’t deal with wearing the shorts in your marriage, OR you never loved him anyway? Wow, are those really the only answer options in a “what’s your marriage like” multiple choice question? I should hope not. Now, I’ve only been at this marriage thing for eight months now , so I can’t say I’m an expert, but I do highly disagree with these new labels Haag is promoting.

Doesn’t marriage have a bad enough rep these days as it is? Geez lady, haven’t you ever met a happy couple? No? Okay, allow us to introduce ourselves: They call me The Wife, my husband’s The Man, and we share our home with The Dog. If we had to type-cast our marriage we’d probably say the following:

The Healthy Happy Marriage
Some days are better than others but at the end of the day you love each other oh so much. You don’t always agree, but you can agree to disagree. You’re best friends, partners in crime, and each other’s better halves. You both know that marriage takes work and you’re willing to put in the time. You don’t buy into books like “Marriage Confidential” because you don’t believe in letting negativity attack your marriage.

Okay, my rant has ceased. Care to join me anyone?

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15 Responses to Does Your Marriage Fit Into One Of These Five New Types? (Ours Does Not)

  1. OK I'm with you sister. I totally dig my husband. NO, we don't perpetually get along and always have fireworks exploding when we kiss… but we love and support each other and are friends and partners in the life we're building together for our family.
    I realize that the stats for divorce are major. The most recent ones I've read said 60% of marriages end in divorce. But still… is that a bad rap for MARRIAGE? Or is it possible that people getting married have weird/unrealistic expectations for what marriage is supposed to be?
    If EVERYONE is ONLY unhappy and wishing they were divorced… why do people keep getting married?
    I'll stick with the Healthy Happy crowd.
    My recent post You Can Get Punkd at Any Given Moment

  2. The Student says:

    Good grief! Wife bloggers we have a responsibility to change the view of marriage for the average person. This is shameful.

    Two hands up for adding the category: Healthy Happy Marriage! :)
    My recent post 10 Lessons Khloe and Lamar Odom Teach Us about Marriage

  3. great post – I think that maybe in every marriage there maybe some trait of each of these you described. The difference for a happy healthy marriage is that you are able to resolve, get over, forgive, apologize, and learn from your differences… Makes ya think a little.. XOXO Keep the great posts coming =)
    My recent post What are your favorite apps

  4. Shontae says:

    It sounds like maybe Jezebel may have been through a/some bad marriage(s) so she's just uber bitter and doesn't believe there can be happiness in a marriage or she's never been married and goes by what she's seeing/hearing/believing to be true from other failed/miserable marriages. Either way, I feel sorry for her inability to believe in a good marriage. I agree with SingleLife2MarriedWife that 'maybe in every marriage there may be some trait of each of these" because goodness knows I know people who fit the description. But in the end, they loved each other enough to work on themselves and their marriage and it can only get better when you put your best in.
    My recent post 1000 Things 11-20

  5. the MRS. says:

    That all sounds terrible.
    I guess we would fit into the Happily Married category.

    Still even that sounds a little like dooms day here….
    My recent post summer weather makes me lazy in the kitchen

  6. nylse says:

    yes..this is a very negative take on some typical scenarios in marriage…
    my marriage doesn't fit there either…how about marathon marriage? (this too is a happy marriage).
    My recent post Reflections on The Proverbs Challenge

  7. Kim says:

    There must be some seriously bitter, angry people out there if all they can do is find the negatives in marriage.

    Is marriage a walk in the park? All roses and sunshine? Hell no. My marriage is not perfect and we do argue at times but I love my husband dearly. We may be struggling but at the end of the day I am happy with who I married and am so grateful he's in my life.

    Why people feel the need to dis marriage all the time is beyond me. All it does is tell me they're miserable people who have nothing better to do. Anyone who actually buys this garbage is likely just as miserable and bitter as the author.

    Hey ladies, any one of you up for co-writing a counter to this book? Now THAT would be fun. Real Wives. Real Marriage. Real Happiness. Ooh. I like that. Hmmm.
    My recent post Characteristics of a Writer

  8. Jess says:

    That sounded like it was written by a woman who hasn't gotten over her divorce. Marriage is what you make it. Mine has it's moments where it sucks or is just a tad boring, but most of the time it is amazing and I love that he's my husband. I fit none of those insane categories.

  9. Oh! **picking up my face off the floor!!!!** now, I’ve been married for 15 years and I am still a Happy, Healthy married woman! I MUST agree with you! All of our days aren’t wonderful, but it does not change the fact that I am committed to love him and he is committed to loving me; I’m happy to do it too!!!! I won’t be adding this to my summer reading list either!!! Thanks for the share!

    • I forgot to add, BUT I WILL BE ADDING THIS AUTHOR TO MY PRAYER LIST! Sounds like she has a way to go to healing from a bad marriage and/or divorce……smh

  10. Tiffany says:

    This was obviously written by someone who's NOT married. Maybe if they's done some official research and spoke to a few of us married folks, that list wouldn't be so negative. Such trash!
    My recent post Netflix Burned My Steak

  11. WTH? Those are the only five marriage type options the lady gives? How sad. Is she even married? She's sure clueless, that's for sure. Not sure how she arrived at those 5 types, but…I think she forgot a few types. (I do see those types, and often, but my marriage is not one of them.) Great post and share!

  12. Gala says:

    I am not offended by this book whatsoever. I have been married for 13 years now. It is my and my husbands second marriage. It is a marriage in name only, even though I thought I was in love at the time. We are like roommates or possibly siblings. He helped me raise my 3 kids. Why did I stay? To keep a stable roof over their heads. Why am I still here? Because I can't afford to live on my own. I'm 50 years old, not a spring chicken. We do not cheat on each other-however we haven't had sex for probably 10 years. So much of this is probably so foreign to many of you, and 20 years ago I would have told you you were crazy if you suggested ANYONE lives like this. I do believe in true love, and marriage. Do I preach marriage to my kids? no, not really. Would I like them to get married? sure. But, I'm more worried about them being happy. My first marriage was for love, lasted over 10 years, and still ended in divorce. I can admit that we should have tried harder. But, that takes two.

  13. failedatforty says:

    OMG, I was a workhorse wife…which probably explains why I am now failed at forty!

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