Could Your Commute Hurt Your Marriage?

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train commute commuter troubles rush hourI work a long day. I have to get up at 5AM to make it onto the 6:11AM train just to be sure I have enough time to take the forty minute ride into the city then hop on the subway and make it to work on time for 8AM. On the flip side, it takes me an hour and fifteen minutes to get home. That’s a total of three plus hours a day I spend commuting to and from work. For now neither me nor The Man mind it so much, but according to a new study eventually we might. The Swedish study the risk for divorce goes up 40 percent for commuters who travel more than 45-minutes or longer to get to and from work. In their study most of the commuters were men with wives and young kids at home, and they attributed this increase to women being stuck at home with more child rearing and household duties and therefore becoming increasingly more frustrated and resentful. You know, this study may not have been done on Americans but it is something to think about it. No?

Honestly, because my days are so long and my husband goes in earlier and gets home in the afternoon I do depend on him to do a lot more than he should honestly have to. We like to eat dinner before 8:30pm, so he usually has to cook the meals because I’m not home in time to do it. Things like mid-week laundry, grocery store runs, and evening dog walking also fall onto his plate because of it. By the time I get home, I’m tired and he’s even more beat because he’s gone to work and come home and “done it all” before bedtime.(And would you believe I come home and have the nerve to wanna blog? Ha!) Luckily, he supports my career goals 100 percent for now, and I’m so thankful for that. On the flipside, on the weekends I try my best to get things done and let him take on more of a laid back role. It’s certainly not an ideal situation but we’re making it work. I don’t think we’ll resent each other because of our schedules – we live in NYC metro and it comes with the territory, and we know that – but I do think it’s not the schedule we’d like to sustain throughout our marriage. Moving on to a slower way of life is certainly in the plans for our future.

What roles does your commute play in your marriage? How much time do you spend away from your spouse traveling to and from work? Do you leave them with more work to do at home because of it? Let’s discuss girls.

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25 Responses to Could Your Commute Hurt Your Marriage?

  1. Tiffany says:

    I believe that study is definitely valid, although my situation is a little different. My hubby travels for work, so sometimes I go a few days without seeing him, which means everything at home falls on my shoulders. Then when he's back home, he's completely exhausted from traveling, so everything STILL falls on my shoulders. It's tough, but I believe that couples who love and appreciate each other will do what it takes to turn this type of situation into an opportunity instead of a constant problem. http://www.knotchocolate.blogspot.com
    My recent post The Engagement

  2. Dana says:

    My husband and I work different shifts, so we really do not see each other but on the weekends. I do think that it hurts our marriage because we have always worked different shifts. It allows both of us to take part in the different tasks in the household, so it works out.

  3. Amy says:

    We both work from home so I think no commute is just as hazardous. ;)

  4. I had a very long commute and lots of overnight travel for many years. It was OK for us (with two kids) because we talked about it and agreed to our priorities. It makes life more of a challenge, but it can work.
    My recent post Walking for a Cause and Yourself

  5. trininista says:

    In my high heeled life aka employment, my day started at 3.30am and ended anytime after 10pm. I guess God kept me single to stave off the inevitable divorce cause my husband would be hungry, and sexless. lol. It all comes down to the partnership and the strength of compromise. Good job.
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  6. we both do 10 minutes in different directions. I do enjoy to arrive home and he is not here yet. I am unwind, let the dog out, think about dinner, maybe even lay down for a quick minute!
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  7. The Student says:

    I have a pretty short communt, maybe 20 minutes if there is trafffic. I guess I should count myself lucky.
    My recent post Being Happily Unmarried- Marriage Is Not for Everyone

  8. ames says:

    My husband used to commute ~40 miles. He could get to work in 30 minutes because he left very early but getting home could take 2 hours.We moved and the commute became 25 miles and against traffic. Those miles made a drastic improvement in my life. He had a car allowance so moving also made money.

    I was a SAHW back then and I was so tired of all that alone time that I went back to work and would hang out at the office.

    Now he can commute by bike and does for exercise. He is ~3 miles away. He can come home for lunch, the kids and I can visit him and we do. Life without a commuter spouse is grand. We live in a good location, and on days when I have to appear I usually travel against traffic. The distance doesn't bother me as much as time wasting away in the car.
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  9. Sonia says:

    My man works from home so it's not an issue, but I do know some people that commute (it's like an everyday thing in California) and you end up spending more time in your car then you do at home. Once you get home, your so exhausted from sitting for an hour or too that you don't want to do anything else but go to bed.

    It's the price you pay I guess if your job is located at a distance and in Silicon Valley, you either can afford to live here or you live on the outskirts of town. It's wear and tear on allot of things: your car, your relationships, your money and most of all your time.
    My recent post How Do You Protect Your Brand

  10. rushessay says:

    It is really worth of appreciating for the effort that you have been making for the earning to feed the whole family. We should be working hard to have all the luxuries of life.

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