I met a wife the other day who said she felt a power shift in her relationship once they were married. I asked why she felt that way and what she meant exactly and her response was as follows: “It’s as if once he married me he felt like he’d done the one thing I really wanted so he no longer feels like he has to do much else that I ask.” My response: “Well what about sex? Isn’t that the ultimate bargaining tool?” To my surprise she seemed surprised that she hadn’t really thought of that. After being married for five years she’d forgotten that although he put a ring on her finger, she still held power over something he will always want – sex!
Ladies, in this area, don’t we always have the power? Especially when it comes to dissolving marital woes! Like many sensitive issues involving marriage, I believe working this tactic correctly is an art not a science and it takes some perfecting. As many of you have figured out by now, I like to gamble. So when I think about the idea of using sex in your marriage to get what you want, I think of poker, and the calculated risks involved before each play. Put simply, you have to know when to hold, and when to fold. So, I present to you, my little non-scientific guide. Enjoy, and I hope it proves helpful. (Let’s just say it’s working for me!)
Sex: When to Hold
When it’s been two weeks since you asked him to do something and he still hasn’t, yet he’s complaining that “it’s been days” since you two had some fun. Hold tight, girls. That door lock will get fixed and those boxes you need sent will make it to UPS, promise!
When you realize he’s blocking you out and no longer listening to what you’re really saying. Men will always speak the language of “love” (wink!) so if he’s stopped communicating your way, why communicate his?
Sex: When to Fold
When you realize you’ve held your “cards” (get my analogy here?) so long he’s stopped asking to play the game. There’s a thin line between punishment and utter cruelty. Walk it if you dare, but be sure to watch your step.
When both your stress levels are so high the tension is spilling over into your everyday interactions. This can ultimately cause more trouble than it’s worth (trust me, I learned this the hard way). If you find yourselves having a full blown argument over who drank the last of the milk, it’s probably a good idea to hit the sack – together!
Note: The recommended “wait time” will vary with each husband (you know his needs better than I ever could) and wife, but trust me, if you’re not getting what you want right now, he will pay closer attention if you stop giving him what he wants!
Have you used sex as a bargaining chip in your marriage? What has/hasn’t worked for you? Spill those tips and tricks girls!