Last week we practiced a separate but equal love policy and worked on mastering the art of coexisting. (Big thanks to all the NBA widows who participated.) This week we’re going to keep it simple.
When you’re married it’s not always a good idea to say exactly what you’re thinking. In my experience thus far a big fight usually follows this sort of accidental slip up. Saying things like “Yes, you should spend a little more time in the gym these days” or “this meal could use a little more salt” usually doesn’t end well and can often cause way more harm than good, even when your intentions were good. But, this week I’d like you to throw what you know out the window and just try saying exactly what’s on your mind for once. Now speak with love and don’t be hurtful, just honest. What did you say? Why did you say it? Was it something you’ve really wanted to say? What was your spouse’s reaction? Did it spark drama or conversation? Are you glad you got it out?
Disclaimer: Obviously, I want you to proceed with caution on this one ladies and remember what I said: Speak with love and be honest not hurtful!
We don’t always plan to blurt out what’s really on our minds, but in my case last week it just happened that way. One minute we were participating in our usual argument about whether or not we could afford to care for a second dog and before I knew what had happened, I’d somehow blurted out the following doozey of a sentence: “Maybe if you were better with managing your money you wouldn’t be so opposed to new expenses.” Wayment!! Did I really just say that out loud!!?!! To my husband!!?!! With ‘tude!?!! I thought for sure this was about to be the beginning of a battle royale between us but then the unexpected happened. He stopped talking and stared at me with his jaw dropped, eyes wide, and this strange shock-and-awe expression on his face. I froze too, as I took a deep breath and wondered about the many, many different responses he might have to the truth I’d just served up and what I might say in response. Then I watched as the corners of his lips started to head north and what was once an exaggerated look of surprise was slowly becoming a smirk, and would then go on to become a smile – yes, a smile! I was about to tell him that I didn’t mean that in a hurtful way, but rather that I was just being frank about the my feelings on the matter at hand, but he cut me off and said instead, “Wow. I didn’t see that one coming, but I’m actually glad you said it. Whether I like it or not, or agree or not, I still want to know exactly what you’re thinking. It’s better that way. Okay, now let me process, ok?”
Had I really just dodged that bullet by donning my honesty shield? Had I just told the truth and nothing but the truth about a touchy subject and come out of the situation drama free? Yes, I had, and it got me to thinking: What else can the truth get us? And when is the right time to speak these truths? Ultimately it is always better to tell the truth right? Or is it? Did I just get lucky? This is a tricky one. What’s interesting to me, is the Man’s use of the phrase “Stepford Wife” in this case. Is that what I’d be if I hadn’t spoken my mind? Is not saying what you really think to avoid a fight, the same as giving your husband his way? I don’t think so. I’m glad I spit it out, but I don’t think not doing so would have made me complacent – just smart enough to know when to pick my battles, in my opinion. Ladies, what say thee?
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