When Good (Single) Girlfriends Give Bad Marriage Advice

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cameron diaz maxim cover photo picturesIn recent laughable celebrity news, actress Cameron Diaz attacked the idea of marriage in her newest Maxim interview. Known for bouncing from one Hollywood hunk to another, when asked about her thoughts on tying the knot Diaz told the magazine, ” I think we have to make our own rules. I don’t think we should live our lives in relationships based off traditions that don’t suit our world any longer.” Well now, that’s interesting, because I think married life suits me just fine and I’ve certainly been known to break a rule or two in my relationship.

Now I’ve already made it clear that I don’t think all women want to get married, and that’s perfectly fine with me. Why should they have to feel they should? But, on the flip side, who can say that no woman should want to get married? I find it fascinating that someone who’s never even been asked for her hand in marriage feels comfortable commenting on why being married doesn’t “suit” the modern day woman. (Plus, I think we all know at least one woman who claimed she didn’t believe in marriage until someone asked her, and then she was your regular ecstatic bride-to-be.) If you don’t get anything else from my daily ramblings and rants please know this, I believe wholeheartedly that your marriage is what you make it and you should customize a marriage to work for you and your spouse. I am pro marriage, but more importantly pro happiness. When it comes to marriage, if you like it, I love it.

Now that that’s out of the way, can I just say that reading this little news bit also reminded me of some great advice I got from a married friend when I told her I was engaged? She said, “When you’re married remember that good girlfriends can give bad advice when it comes to marriage, especially if they’re not yet married.” This is so true, and Cameron’s little quote is the perfect example of this. I do love my girlfriends and they so often give guidance and insight that does help me within my life and my marriage, but sometimes the not-yet married ones’ words aren’t always the gems one might hope they’d be! (Sorry girls, but it’s true!)

Here are some examples of some bad advice I’ve gotten from good girlfriends:

“He screwed up your birthday last year so who cares if you don’t do anything for his this year?” – Love should never be tit for tat. Case closed.

“Your husband doesn’t need to know your every move girl!” – No, he doesn’t need to know, but he should. We’re a team and it’s impossible to function properly as one if one half of that team has gone rogue.

“If you don’t keep an eye on your weight you might lose your husband.” – If I thought my husband was the type of man who would walk away because I went up two dress sizes I wouldn’t have married him in the first place. On the slip side, if I was the kind of woman with self esteem so low that I obsessed about my weight all the time he wouldn’t have married me either.

“If you don’t keep pushing, pushing, pushing, he’ll never do what he’s supposed to do.” Oh yeah? Or I could push to hard and push him right away. Then he’ll be doing what he’s supposed to for some other woman.

The moral of this post? Proceed with caution when acting on advice from friends who can’t yet relate because they haven’t yet walked a mile in your stilettos. Okay? Happy Monday!

What’s the worst advice a single girlfriend ever gave you?

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27 Responses to When Good (Single) Girlfriends Give Bad Marriage Advice

  1. simplykita says:

    Thank you for this I think that this is a good thing because my friends have had the same advice and they are single. I don't have a lot of married friends and neither does my husband and listening to others have gotten us both in trouble a lot of times. We are still learning after many yrs of stuff but we are working towards it and I think all married couples should do the same. Thanks for advice.

  2. MsKaos says:

    Good advice is good advice regardless of the source, but I agree–I take marriage advice from single ladies with a grain of salt. Usually this type of advice is unsolicited on my part because I would rarely ask "what should I do"(regarding my marriage) from someone who has never been married. I'm never one to knock someone for having an opinion that may be different from mine, but there's a lot of nodding and uh-uh'ing to unsolicited advice like the gems you noted in your post (i.e I'm not taking copious notes!).

  3. :::aj::: says:

    Soooo true! So verrryyy true!

    I got soooo much advice from all my single friends when I first got serious with my now Hubs…and it was all pretty terrible. Let's be honest. When you know, you know; and you know that you may mess up and he may mess up, but that's okay. Marriage is different than dating; and it takes get married to find out.

    <3
    aj
    My recent post -travel- St Paul-

  4. Kim says:

    I don't remember much or any "bad" from single girlfriends since I was more of "Hang out with the dudes" kind of gal but I do know some had this attitude that you were supposed to give up friendships (especially long-term male friendships) once you say "I do". That, to me, is a deal breaker. My friends are part of what make me who I am today, male or female. If any man said, "Sorry, I don't approve of your friendships you must get rid of them" then HE would be the one getting the walking papers.

    Other ones I'm sure involved sex such as withholding if your man "misbehaved". I don't believe in withholding or punishing. I think it's cruel, juvenile, and ignorant.

    And I definitely agree with you on the weight issue. I'm a big girl already and even my dad has pulled this one. "If you don't lose weight you're not going to land a good man or any man." I've always responded with, "If a man cares more about the number on my jeans than what qualities I bring to the table then he is NOT good enough for me. Period." Funny how wrong they were since I am happily married to a wonderful man who couldn't care less about the number on my pants.

    Okay, I'm writing a novel yet again on your blog. Sorry. Your posts are often so thought provoking I just can't help myself. :D
    My recent post The First Step is Always the Hardest

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Yeah, I would never have given up my guy friends either — and that was definitely a little bit of an issue with The Man and I in the beginning. It was important to me to push back on that one and I'm SO SO glad I did. P.S. You can write a novel on my blog ANY time! ; – )

  5. ManWifeDog says:

    Taking it with a grain of salt is def KEY. And also to your point it's best not to ask "what should I do" if you really don't expect to hear the right answer. Thanks so much for stopping by for the faithful comment love. :-)

  6. princessofgeekadonia says:

    So, so true! I have the best girlfriends in the whole-wide-world, but almost ALL of them are single. I had to seek out new relationships with other married women for this exact same reason. There's only so much my single friends are able to understand and relate to about being married, much less give me advice on.

  7. Mrs_Mommy_MD says:

    This is such a good post! LOL @ "one half of the team going rogue" HA! ALL of my close girlfriends are single, that's what happens when you get married at 21….so I usually don't seek too much relationship advice from them – it can be somewhat isolating at times because you start to feel like no one knows what your going through – but then I discovered blogs LOL…

    But let it be known that even married girlfriends have been known to give not-so-helpful advice – usually it's because their marriages are in shambles…And even if they do have a great marriage, EVERY marriage is different…

    Moral of the story: Proceed with caution and stay prayed up…LOL
    My recent post Happy Mothers Day!

  8. I don't take advice from single women and women in bad marriages. Period.

    And now that I am married, I am EXTREMELY reluctant to give advice to single women, unless sincerely asked for it.
    My recent post Why Being Married Rocks 658423684

  9. Amber says:

    I like to chat up my single girlfriends for more "naughty" advice than anything. :)

  10. Summer says:

    As a single woman with MANY married friends I think it works both ways — just because you're married doesn't mean you have any special insights into dating or shacking up anymore than I do into the intimate aspects of your daily. What I DO always stress to my married friends are common sense things I think are sometimes easily forgotten — especially for those that have children.

    1. YOU are the heart of the house, and for it to beat strongly you need to make sure your needs are being met and to do the things that make you happy. You were a "me" before you were a "we" and you continue to be for the rest of your life.

    2. Take day at a time and congratulate yourself for what you accomplish and don't beat yourself up for what you don't.

    3. Your children will not be in therapy ten years from now if you don't let them go to a friend's party, lied to them that there weren't any cookies left (so you could enjoy them in peace after they went to sleep), or if you have to work late one night to help ensure they have shoes/glasses/braces/food on the table/a college education down the road.

    4. It's OK not to like your husband's family, but it's not OK to deprive him of the relationship if that's what he wants. As soon as you start setting limits for the ones you love, you create anger tension, and issues for YOUR relationship.

    5. And finally, people rarely change unless because of some significant motivator, so if you think the man you are marrying is lacking something significant and are hoping that's all going to change after you say "I do" think again. Love IS a great motivator, but he needs to do it for him — not for you.

    • ManWifeDog says:

      I love it when you go off on a rant Summer. Your advice is on point — really! Keep dishing it, okay? I most certainly was not referring to you. HA! For a single lady you know A LOT about making a marriage work. How did you get so wise? LOL!

  11. The Student says:

    I chose hit or miss. I usually make it a point NOT to discuss the matters of my marriage with my girlfriends. I'm that friend that listens to my girlfriends complain about their husbands and tries to give them advice (biblical) for how to handle themselves. I have to say also that I don't give advice unless I am asked. Not everyone is always receptive to where I'm coming from when I do give advice.

    Now, I have had friends so frustrated about their own marriages that they have tried to give me advice, pre and post my own nuptials. One married girlfriend told me premarriage, "Girl, just don't get married." I looked at her in shock. It was at that moment, I decided that when I got married, my marriage wasn't going to be your, what she made seem like, typical marriage. We were going to do things differently.

    I got some really bad post-marriage advice from a single friend. "You have to learn how to cook if you plan on keeping that man." Okay, first of all…I hardly ever cook and he ain't gone nowhere yet (bad grammar I know). I got this…oh and did I mention that she cooks all the time. Its been 5 years and he hasn't proposed to her yet.

    Now, there is one point I disagree with here. I am not pro-marriage. I believe people have to be "called" into marriage. It is a huge commitment and if she (Cam) doesn't want to or doesn't believe that this way of life fits her lifestyle then I'm rocking right along with her. Just don't get married. (See my latest blog post). I am pro-happiness however. If anyone equates marriage to being unhappy then don't do it…at least not until you have some sort of life changing experience….because that's what its going to take.
    My recent post Just Don’t Get Married!

  12. “Your husband doesn’t need to know your every move girl!”

    Hehehe, this could be a good or bad thing.

    My girl and I have a completely open and honest relationship. And that works really really well for us. The trust we have built means we don't need to go through each other's phones, or scrutinize "a trip out with the boys." I love it.

    But, at the same time, when you don't know, your mind tends to wander. Because of the established trust, we know we would never do anything to hurt each other. But that took years before it was perfect. Good couples work on it. As equals.

    As far as Cameron Diaz, I agree with her but I don't. 100 years ago, marriage was the only socially acceptable way to live with someone or have children. Not the case anymore. You don't get shunned or outcast if you're a single mom. There's nothing "wrong with you." Is marriage for everyone? No. Probably not for me. But you know what, it still has a place in society.
    My recent post More Blogging Awards – Facts &amp Farts Edition

    • ManWifeDog says:

      As always it's GREAT to get a man's voice on here — thank you. You are SO right, that type of open honest trust between two lovers takes time and effort to build and perfect. But once you have it, nothing can take you two down! ; – )

  13. Angela says:

    I don't seek advice from my single friends, but some of them are very astute when it comes to matters of the heart. These are usually friends who are in, have been in, or are seeking to be in long-term relationships. With other friends of mine, who don't view relationships in the same context that I do, I tend to avoid deeper discussion of marital relations. But all of them give me pretty crappy advice when it comes to matters in the bedroom. That's why I've banned talking about that altogether pretty much.
    My recent post Lessons Kobe Bryant and Lamar Odom Taught Me

  14. Quincy says:

    (Applause) First of all, Cameron Diaz isn't worthy of the cover of any magazine. She's just not good-looking at all to me. Okay, personal opinion aside about her, this is a great post and it will be shared! I do think that people who have not experienced something are capable of offering advice (if they're thinkers), so let me get that out there. I have tons of advice for people with kids and I don't have any. But, I pay attention and think two steps ahead and most importantly (which is where my point has been going all of this time): I don't give advice from the heart. Giving advice through emotions can yield volatile results. Single people tend to give negative advice because it's based on how they feel rather than the actual situation. Those who can give advice based on logic rather than chance are good friends.
    My recent post Let Me See You Slutwalk

    • ManWifeDog says:

      LMAO at your Cameron comment. I actually agree but often have to check myself and make sure I'm not "hating" LOL! I'm ALL about logic. You are SO right. It makes all the difference. My heart would force me to give awful awful advice to some of my single friends. I want them to be happy and I will advise as so. But to your point, we can't afford to do that to the people we love. Love your comment love Q. Thanks!

  15. A girl I knew got gastric bypass shortly before getting married. She got divorced like 5 yrs later and her single friend told her it was b/c she'd lost the weight. If gaining or losing weight is a barometer of relationship success (only for women, of course), I'm not interested. It's just too pathetic the things jealous people will say.

  16. LionGIrl says:

    Guess I am one good single gal who would restrain from giving advices that I have no experiences with. Hmmm, I always believe advices are options you'll listen to make good decisions coz we all make our own decisions for ourselves; be it advices from good or bad, single or married girlfriends. Blame nobody, girlfriend!
    My recent post Ampang- Sunset @ Look Out Point!

  17. Mrs. Wife, you rock. Plain and simple. I've only just started following you the last month or so, but I love your style, wisdom, sass, and most of all confidence. I LOVE the responses you shared to some of the bad advice you've been given. I love your positivity. SO happy to have found you. It's so refreshing to see a woman putting good in the world like this!!!!

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Aww, thank you so much. Seriously, it means more than I can express in this little response box. I appreciate you coming back on the regular to read and support and I hope you always get what you were hoping for. (Hugs!) :-)

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