First let me just say “thank you!” everyone for joining forces with me last week to defend “happy marriages” when our love was attacked via email. I was touched, truly. Luckily, hate mail isn’t the only thing that comes through The Wife’s inbox these days. I also get a few compliments and questions too. Speaking of, tonight I want to share another message that came through and respond to it openly. The message:
“Your blog is an inspiration to all wives. It’s so important to find a healthy balance in life and in a marriage of course. But I have to ask you one thing. How do you manage to juggle writing, cooking, cleaning, and work and all the jazz?”
Honey, I don’t! For every part of marriage I get right, there are probably two things I’m getting wrong these days. It’s work and every tale isn’t a success story! For starters, please don’t assume I cook. It’s a sweet sentiment, really, but the truth is lately the only time I really go into my kitchen is when I’m throwing something in the trash or grabbing a treat for The Dog. I’m not proud of this, but right now it’s just the way things are. The Man gets home six hours before I do and therefore has a lot more “free time” to handle things like cooking meals and daily cleaning maintenance. He doesn’t love the idea but he’s doing his part and some right now. I constantly promise him that I’ll come home and “help cook” or “load the laundry” but nine times out of ten I wind up doing one too many “just one more things” and the night is gone. The last time I cooked a full meal there was snow on the ground! Now, on the other hand there are things I do that he wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole; things like, manage our money and plan/pay bills, run weekend errands, grocery shop, or bathe the dog.
So, no, I don’t balance it all. (I wish!) I balance the things I’m responsible for as best I can and so does he. I think so many times we both secretly wish the other would “help out” more but if you really think about it, right now we’re both doing things the other person can’t or doesn’t want to do right now. Since we know this sort of separate-but-equal responsibilities concept can’t last forever (I don’t see him only having daycare pick up duties or me being the only one that changes diapers) we’re going to just make it work this way for now and enjoy it while we can. It may be a little unconventional, but hey, it works for us – for now!
What’s your balancing act like? Has it changed with marriage? Or are you still splitting things the way you did when you were dating? Just asking…share!