Reader Mail Response: Please Do Not Assume I Cook (And Other Flaws Revealed!)

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dont assume i cook and other wife flaws revealedFirst let me just say “thank you!” everyone for joining forces with me last week to defend “happy marriages” when our love was attacked via email. I was touched, truly. Luckily, hate mail isn’t the only thing that comes through The Wife’s inbox these days. I also get a few compliments and questions too. Speaking of, tonight I want to share another message that came through and respond to it openly. The message:

“Your blog is an inspiration to all wives. It’s so important to find a healthy balance in life and in a marriage of course. But I have to ask you one thing. How do you manage to juggle writing, cooking, cleaning, and work and all the jazz?”

Honey, I don’t! For every part of marriage I get right, there are probably two things I’m getting wrong these days. It’s work and every tale isn’t a success story! For starters, please don’t assume I cook. It’s a sweet sentiment, really, but the truth is lately the only time I really go into my kitchen is when I’m throwing something in the trash or grabbing a treat for The Dog. I’m not proud of this, but right now it’s just the way things are. The Man gets home six hours before I do and therefore has a lot more “free time” to handle things like cooking meals and daily cleaning maintenance. He doesn’t love the idea but he’s doing his part and some right now. I constantly promise him that I’ll come home and “help cook” or “load the laundry” but nine times out of ten I wind up doing one too many “just one more things” and the night is gone. The last time I cooked a full meal there was snow on the ground! Now, on the other hand there are things I do that he wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole; things like, manage our money and plan/pay bills, run weekend errands, grocery shop, or bathe the dog.

So, no, I don’t balance it all. (I wish!) I balance the things I’m responsible for as best I can and so does he. I think so many times we both secretly wish the other would “help out” more but if you really think about it, right now we’re both doing things the other person can’t or doesn’t want to do right now. Since we know this sort of separate-but-equal responsibilities concept can’t last forever (I don’t see him only having daycare pick up duties or me being the only one that changes diapers) we’re going to just make it work this way for now and enjoy it while we can. It may be a little unconventional, but hey, it works for us – for now!

What’s your balancing act like? Has it changed with marriage? Or are you still splitting things the way you did when you were dating? Just asking…share!

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9 Responses to Reader Mail Response: Please Do Not Assume I Cook (And Other Flaws Revealed!)

  1. TheProDiva says:

    Girl! My balancing act is nothing to admire. My hubby and I are on opposite schedules, so when I'm working he's home. During the week, we see each other 2 hours a day (maybe 3). As such, I really don't have the pressure of cooking every night (although I try to do so on the weekend). As for cleaning, I do it when time permits. I work 50+ hours per week, so it gets done when it gets done. Its definitely hard balancing my professional life with wifehood, but it works for us. He always makes it clear that he didn't marry me for my cooking or cleaning skills…so I guess I'm winning! In short, I do the best I can!
    My recent post Preparation Is Key!!!

  2. At the end of the day, I won't really regret time I didn't spend washing dishes and picking up toys. I'll regret the time I didn't spend playing with my kid and snuggling with my husband and wrestling with my puppy. SO much more important!

  3. Dana says:

    We all do what is best for our marriage. We can not all be June Cleaver. Pleaee check out my post tomorrow. I am talking about your email post and response.
    My recent post Weekend Sweeps

  4. Tiffany says:

    Balance? What's that? With hubby's hectic work schedule and him being out of town, most of everything that needs to be done falls on me. I must credit him on a few things though – he takes out the garbage, cuts the grass in the spring/summer, and he washes his own clothes (not sure why, he's just always done it). Of course the biggest one is that he pays the mortgage. No complaints there!
    My recent post Been Around The World

  5. the MRS. says:

    That is how we are. I work full time. theMR. works part time right now and is getting settled with part time school. He does the dishes and most of the day to day house cleaning.

    I do the weekend scrub and maintain the laundry as he recently bleached all our black towels. I also pay the bills and do the grocery shopping. So far we like the arrangement and it will work for as long as our circumstances remain the same.
    My recent post asking a LITTLE help from my friends

  6. At the end of the day, I won't really regret time I didn't spend washing dishes and picking up toys. I'll regret the time I didn't spend playing with my kid and snuggling with my husband and wrestling with my puppy. SO much more important!

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