Reader Mail Response: Yes Happily Married Couples Have Problems Too

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blog email responseI got an e-mail from a reader today who wrote the following in my contact box:

“So you guys don’t have any problems and everything is sooo peachy huh? Yeah right!!!! Tell the whole truth! Not just the candy coated stuff and the nice stuff. Anyone this happy is hiding something I say. That’s not real. — Anonymous”

Now I don’t plan on making it a habit to respond to every piece of negative mail I’ll ever receive (everyone can’t be a fan of the blog) but in this case I feel compelled to share my reaction to reading this with you all. Here’s what I wrote back:

Dear Anonymous,

First and foremost thank you for stopping by and looking around the blog, even if you don’t support nor believe in what I’m doing here. Honestly, I wish you’d hung out and looked around a little more. If you had you’d know that I’ve never once claimed that we “don’t have any problems” or that everything is “peachy” all the time. If it were, well, then it wouldn’t be a healthy marriage. Sure, we fight and we argue and we sometimes damn near want to strangle one another – and I write about that very openly, and honestly — but all the moments in between are truly made up of happiness, love, and peace. If the idea that two people who complete each other could actually find each other, fall in love, work at it and land in a healthy, happy marriage is foreign to you than quite frankly that makes me feel sad. Sad that you think love can’t exist this way and that if it does it must be fake or as you put it “not real”. No, we’re not perfect but what we share is certainly real — trust me I’ve pinched myself quite a few times already and this is still my life. I sincerely hope you get the chance to experience the same thing and in the meantime I encourage you to return to this blog and to keep reading about our good and bad days and the ways in which we work together to work through the tough times and try to come out of it with our marriage in one piece – because trust me, all of it will be here. This blog is about transparency and what you see is (like it or not) what it is.


The Wife

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47 Responses to Reader Mail Response: Yes Happily Married Couples Have Problems Too

  1. christina says:

    See, stuff like that really, honestly pisses me off! If your whole blog was dedicated to bashing your husband, or talking about how awful marriage is, people would be all over teh internetz talking about "real" and "honest" your blog was, but talk about the good side of marriage, and you're hiding something, or being fake? uggghhhh!!! ( This is true in the world of mommy blogging as well)
    Seriously, people think that if you don't blog about every little argument, every little disagreement, every little flaw, then you're being fake. I just don't get it. What's so wrong with making your main focus the positive, pleasant moments?
    Aside from that, I've seen you tweet frustrations, and I've read posts that told your frustrations, and you've also had no problem sharing things about yourself that got on your hubby's nerves! Don't let the negativity deter you from what you're doing. We need more examples of black women who are happy and secure in their marriage. Every marriage doesn't have to be a divorce statistic, despite what some would have us believe.
    I love your blog, and I love what you do. The word "fake" has never crossed my mind for you! (And trust me, I would be silently co-signing the anonymous letter instead of writing this extra-long comment if it had, lmbo!)
    My recent post Check Me Out!

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Wow, you know I didn't even think about the whole mommy blog realm here but I bet that's the case too. I'm sure that you probably get a ton of mail because I KNOW how opinionated moms can be about the right and wrong way to do things. I commend you for blogging openly about those things too and for keeping it "real" in a positive way. It's one of the reasons I love your blog sooo much! Thanks for the support Christina!!! (LMAO @ "And trust me, I would be silently co-signing the anonymous letter instead of writing this extra-long comment if it had")

  2. hiphopmuse says:

    I personally like that your blog puts a positive spin on marriage and relationships – I get sick of reading so much negativity regarding relationships on the web. "Keeping it real" doesn't necessarily mean being negative and airing out your relationship's dirty laundry. Continue to be a breath of fresh air in the web community! We need more accounts of love (especially black love) online imo.

    I think if you keep it positive, you keep the cycle of goodness going. Keep it up!
    My recent post Interesting woman of the day- Stephanie St Clair

  3. For Our Daughters says:

    Since you have haters (which is exactly what "Anonymous" is) you must be doing something right! Congratulations! I love you, love The Husband & The Dog, and love the blog!! Keep up the good work, LS! "Anonymous" probably thought you would go off the deep end and start some drama on the blog…smh…grow up, people.

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Aww, LS!! I love you too. And you're right..I guess life is going pretty well when the haters come out to play. I love you right back honey! MUAH!!

  4. Kim says:

    You know, I'm all about keeping it real and honest in my blog no matter what I post but the ugly side of my marriage is not for people to see. Why? So readers can only see MY side of the disagreement without my husband posting how he feels? It's unfair to me, to my readers, and especially to my husband.

    People who expect you to write only the downsides of your marriage are 1. Delusional and 2. Likely very miserable themselves.

    I suffer from depression and I have my moments where I am very angry and frustrated. But you know what? I strive to be POSITIVE even when venting because I know that eventually things will be okay again. That is how it should be and that is how your blog should be. I don't think it would be right to post anything negative about your husband without him capable of defending himself, be it publicly or otherwise. You know what they say, "Don't wash your dirty laundry in public." This, to me, means it's okay to stress there are days you want to strangle him but you should NOT post every intricate detail for the world to see.

    I'd rather see a happy, loving marriage with a few faults from time to time than yet another miserable marriage. Been there, done that, seen that. Don't need anymore of it thank ya much.
    My recent post Re-Design and A New Tagline

  5. bhrett says:

    I totally agree with hiphopmuse! I love your blog because of the transparency and your openness about working through your conflicts. Keep writing

  6. bhrett says:

    I totally agree with hiphopmuse! I love your blog because of the transparency and your openness about working through your conflicts. Keep writing and we'll keep reading! :)
    My recent post What Im Loving Wednesday

  7. the MRS. says:

    I guess I don't understand the idea of actually writing hate mail to someone.
    If you don't like my blog.
    stop reading.

    move on.
    My recent post We need a new show

  8. Single Life 2 Married Wife says:

    great response!! Keep on bloggin!!!!
    My recent post National Grilled Cheese Month!

  9. Rebecca says:

    Dear The Wife,

    Good for you! That was a great response to a message meant to cut you down. And honestly, I'm with you 100%. Life in our home isn't perfect, but we're happy and in love. Most people see the positive side of our lives because our disagreements (however minor and infrequent they are) are private. There is no reason to air our dirty laundry to our friends, family, OR my blog readers and we know how to work through things respectfully without outside involvement. :) I find it sufficient to say that our lives are happy, even when we accept the less-than-perfect stuff along with the warm fuzzy stuff.

    • ManWifeDog says:

      One of my favorite things so far about this blogging experience has been meeting so many other happy wives. Really! I love that you guys are out there and that you're supporting me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  10. ManWifeDog says:

    I agree Kim! One of the FIRST things I did when the idea to do this blog came about was ask my husband for his permission AND his blessings. Next, we went over the guidelines and the dos and donts to be sure it would never cause a problem in my marriage. I'm so glad we did this because now he's an active part of my blog brainstorming and a willing participant at all times. It's so much healthier that way. We want to lead by example here but never to be the butt of jokes or criticism. Thanks for the support!

  11. Alovelydai says:

    I had soooo much to say in response to this email but u said it all. It’s a shame that people can’t even recognize a healthy balanced marriage when it’s blogged in their face!

  12. LionGIrl says:

    I would have said the same to that Anon! Way to go, girlfriend! It's a matter of take it or leave it and move on with life! Life is too short to spend too much time on some sour grapes. Happy blogging!
    My recent post An Ideal Weight and Weighing Machine

  13. myloverswife says:

    I've only recently started reading your blog and I think it's great! You're doing a fantastic job of sharing the stories that *you* want to share with the world.

    Keep up the great work!!

  14. Holly says:

    You go girl!!! I love hearing the love in your marriage!!! It is nice to concentrate on the loving and not the hating for once!! So many people thrive on all the negativity in the world!

    Anonymous comments always make me laugh! If you are going to right something like that at least "be real" and be yourself instead of hiding!! Stand up for what you say and put your name behind it!!!

  15. thejackpot says:

    Well I just started reading your blog last week and I remember thinking, giving love homework and growing in her relationship…..she is so fake! I kid, I kid. Reading your blog is like a breath of fresh air. I have been married for 3 years and I am committed to making it 'til death and reading blogs like yours which support marriage can only help me out. Relationships take work, everyone knows that and I don't think you are candy-coating what it takes to make it. Keep it up! You are much appreciated :)

  16. Mimi says:

    Everything that I would've said has been written in the above comments. I have been married five years and I have openly let the world know we had a ton of problems but look at where we are now to show a positive image of what happens when two people stick at it and work together. I think some people feel that way about me and my life. My response nobody was there when we slept on the floor because we had no money for a bed or only had one raggedy car with no air, or was there those nights when I cried myself to sleep wondering how the bills were going to get paid. We owe NO ONE an explanation for our blessings. Haters might want to watch closely and take notes!!
    My recent post Wordless Wednesday–Sandwhich Thief

  17. Mrs_Mommy_MD says:

    First of all, this anonymous person reeks of jealousy…

    I have kept a journal from just about as long as I could write a sentence, and honestly I have plenty of journals filled with me being hurt, devastated, or what I thought was depressed about something. And even back when me and my hubby started dating I chronicled all of the ups, downs, and drama in a journal…What I've realized is, going back to read a play by play of our fights, or my anger towards him does nothing to enrich me or our relationship, so why even bother entertaining that. That would be the most Debbie Downer-ish blog ever…

    So thank you for being such a positive influence on the new wives that come across your blog. God intends for marriage to be a blessing and not a burden. The Wife and The Man make marriage look so fun, and make me want that type of fun in my own. Anyone who is happily married knows that you are not being fake, and one of the keys to having a good marriage is to focus on the good in the person you chose to be with because those are the reasons you love them.
    My recent post Wordless Wednesday- Leavin on a Jet Plane

  18. Joy says:

    I've come to realize that people who sign their name as "Anonymous" is really just someone who is jealous of you and everything you are.
    My recent post 2011 MSO Crawfish Boil

  19. Um, wow…so many feelings. We are also going to do a video response to his in a minute, because I am so outdone.

    This marriage blog doesn't seem the least "fake" to me. How do I know? Because I myself am in a healthy, happy, committed marriage. And for all these years, it's not been the least bit fake.

    i love this site because the reality is, not all relationships are horrible. Not all marriages are hateful and filled with negativity. A LOT of people can and do find wonderful people they can partner with and love for life. And they can do it without drama, cheating, negativity and terrible behavior.

    i think people just want EVERYTHING to be like the awful reality shows they see on TV. People have been duped into believing THAT is the true reality, and it is so sad and disheartening that when this has become so prevalent, when people see something good, they can't even believe it is real. I have a 6-year-old niece who just recently told me that her uncle seems to good for us to really be married, because "people in relationships fight and hit each other. That's real marriage" WTF.

    Good marriages DO exist — and I should know, as I have been in one for 10 years. The fact that people can't believe it speaks more to the sad state of current society than anything else. I am too through to respond further at this point, but just know, there are several of us who believe in you, and are fighting the good fight for a great marriage daily, just like you do.
    My recent post Response to “VLOG- The Man Weighs In On The Engagement Chicken Phenomenon”

  20. I think your response to that "negative" comment was so well written. Even if someone's life was perfect, what would be wrong with that? Wouldn't we celebrate and be happy for one another?

    So often, people make snap judgments without understanding that everyone has challenges to deal with in their lives. The key is how we handle what comes to us. If we handle it with dignity, love, humor, respect and nobility then our lives may look like easy to someone else and that's fine. Although life has ups and downs, if we focus on what's good and true, we can get through anything.

    Thank you for commenting on my blog last evening during the SITS #comment hour. I'm glad I was able to learn about yours.

    My recent post Response cached until Fri 22 @ 4:21 GMT (Refreshes in 60 Minutes)

  21. TheProDiva says:

    I think you handled yourself well Sis! Some people are not happy unless they have all kind of messiness in their relationship all the time. I can definitely relate to how you feel about the man, because I feel the same way about my hubby. He is awesome! But his awesomeness does not mean we do not have our issues…what couple doesn't! It's unfortunate that there are folks out there who think that healthy and happy relationships are unattainable. I too am sorry that they have not truly experienced this level of companionship and happiness.

    In sum, later for the haters! Continue to nurture your healthy marriage, and your successful blog, and press on! You handled this well…proud of you!
    My recent post Diva Spotlight

  22. My hubs and I get the opposite reaction some times. Like we've been married for so long people think that we aren't still in love because we're not out in public licking eachothers faces and crap. We fight, and it's entertaining as hell! We're both passionate people, and often very dramatic too. Doesn't mean things aren't "peachy". LOL!
    My recent post Three Men and a Chick Stared at My Boobs What Did You Do Today

  23. The Student says:

    Remind yourself of these two things…

    "No weapon formed against you shall prosper…" Isaiah 54:17
    "…If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

    …and then keep on doing what you were doing because your blog is AWESOME!!! Keep showing the world that being in love and the way in which we choose to demonstrate that love as married couples is a CHOICE! A marriage needs regular maintenance for it to be happy. You can certainly have more happy days than bad if the two of you just make a choice to be happy rather than dwell on the negative.

    My recent post Wee Words Wednesday- Childhood Puppy Love

  24. The Student says:

    My anthem! [youtube Qw3Z8Oa7E3Y youtube]
    My recent post Wee Words Wednesday- Childhood Puppy Love

  25. integratedmemoirs says:

    In the words of James Baldwin, "I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain."

    This person is obviously hurting so painfully that he/she feels the need to come to your happy place and make an attempt to rain on your parade. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Don't let me find out who it is, gather up my Spelmanites, and we all attack with our ADW books upside this person's head (can you believe I still have my books, LOL).

    Keep doing what you're doing! I love the site, and I wish you much happiness. Besides, you know you're doing something right when you have haters :)

  26. Eve says:

    Of course no marriage is "peachy" all the time. That's life. DUH! But why would anyone want to write about negativity day in and day out. That's just bad karma all around. Your blog is awesome! I give you mad props just for putting your marriage out there for everyone to see…and apparently judge based on this silly message you got. You have a wonderful marriage that is based on great communication, love and mutual respect. Those are traits that many other people wish they had in their marriage and I think you do a heck of a job sharing and insiring others!
    My recent post Ease the Tension and Let It Go

  27. Pingback: Response Mail for Man Wife Dog - Geek.Girl.Wife

  28. Lucky says:

    Having known you personally for some years I can attest to the fact that despite the few downs you have, yours is a loving and admirable marriage. The positive energy between you is amazing and inspiring…and the very definition of what a marriage should be.

  29. @CPrincessUK says:

    I read that Anonymous response and it made me angry. I am a new reader of you blog (via GeekGirlWife) and I can't believe that someone would accuse you of being 'fake' becuase you write about the positive aspects of your marriage. All couples have disagreements but everyone does NOT have to live with DRAMA all the time. My husband and I have a lovely marriage and seeing other people happy in their marriage also makes me happy!
    Haters gonna hate!
    My recent post Fabulous Finds 6- Fiorelli Handbags

  30. Kimberly says:

    Wow…sounds like "anonymous" is a terribly unhappy person. I love the positivity of your work. Even though I'm a single woman with only an "it's complicated" relationship status. Keep doing what you do…and know that those who feel they need to tear someone else down only do so to try to bring more people into their sadness so they won't feel so alone.
    My recent post If I make this call…

  31. Penney says:

    Wow, this burns my biscuits! I don't write the negative on my blog. And like Kim said above, it wouldn't be fair to air an argument, dishing out your side of everything. It's not respectful of your spouse or the partnership of your marriage. I love your blog, don't change.

    Talking about this with my hubs he reminded me that maybe this woman is going thru some issues in her own marriage that has her bitter and lashing out. Not that it makes it right but maybe she was just having a bad day and didn't want to "be around" happy couples. I know thru friends that when someone gets divorced or a betrayal sometimes their imbitterment makes them lash out and do some strange things. Things they wouldn't normally do. So sending her a mental hug as well as you. ;)
    My recent post Plate- Finger Lickin Good Honey Mustard

  32. Jess says:

    My Marriage is a lot like yours. We have some amazing times and some not too horrible arguments. While those arguments can be bad, they're never too hard to get through or to laugh at once we've resolved the issue. I think some people like to bash because they aren't as happy, so they think others are lying when they say are. I personally love this blog. I've turned my sister on to it, and she loves it, too. We're both happily married women and know that not everyday is sunshine and roses, but that's what makes the marriage beautiful, we're strong enough to get through those times.
    Maybe she didn't read about the arguing over the TV during basketball or how much he hates your driving (I read this everyday, lol. Work can be really slow sometimes). I find it refreshing to see that I'm not the only one who thinks it's normal to celebrate the highs and understand there are going to be lows, but doesn't make a big deal out of it (aside from grumbling to my sister, of course). I think that's the definition of a happy, healthy marriage.

  33. Pat says:

    Married life is not always a bed of roses. It also has it's ups and downs. The true test of true love is by being there with each other through thick and thin. Be there with each other no matter what. Happiness can only be found through trials overcome by 2 committed individuals to make a marriage work.
    My recent post Types of Curtain Rods

  34. Thank, Q says:

    I think your response was very good! Obviously, that person was just bored and felt the need to stir things up. You did an excellent job of setting him/her straight and hopefully helping them at the same time. It's obvious that they need to read your blog more to learn how to be better to other people.
    My recent post Move Over Oscar-Mayer! Theres a New Weiner!

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