Dear Husband: I Am So Glad We Agree On Not Having Kids Yet

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Charli Penn-Watkins Writer Editor Blogger Media SpecialistDear Man,

Can you believe how much the whole topic keeps coming up? We keep hearing, “So when are you guys getting pregnant?” or “Is the baby on the way yet?” It’s a riot! Even when I’m around friends the conversation usually goes something like, Me: “I’m tired!” Them: “OMG! Do you think you might be pregnant?” I guess when you get married people assume that somewhere at the bottom of your marriage license in fine print it says “you’re also now perfectly ready to and capable of having kids”. Well, I don’t see that clause anywhere on ours. And can I just say that it’s such a relief that you feel the same way?

The other day we laughed at how disappointed people seem when we say we’re not there yet. The last time I checked, they won’t be getting up three times a night or changing poopy diapers – we will! We’ve talked about this a thousand times since we’ve been together and you and I agree that we do want kids, but right now we want to focus on our dreams a little more. I told you that being a mom is one of the things I most look forward to in my life and I meant that. Even if other people think we just want to “live it up” a little longer and avoid the responsibility of it all, you and I both know that it’s a lot deeper than that. We know ourselves best, and we know how much time and energy it’s taking us to get a hold of our dreams right now. I want to publish my books. You want to start a family business and go back to school. Despite what other people say we can’t forget that these are not bad reasons to wait on being parents. You’re only 30 and I’m only 28. Though we know so many incredible parents our age, that doesn’t mean it has to be our time. Lucky for us, we have their kids — our godchildren, nieces, and nephews — to love.

I know sometimes you question whether or not you’ll regret our decision to wait, and that’s okay. I think it makes you human honey. For what it’s worth, I don’t think we’ll have any regrets. So you may be a little too old to play one-on-one on the courts with your son for hours without passing out, or I may be totting around an infant while my girlfriend’s kids are off at summer camp – who cares!?! We will be able to tell our children that the reason we’re so focused on them and their growth and happiness and can provide for them so well is because we waited and that was the right decision for us. We’ll tell them we made a tough decision to delay their entrances into this world until we were certain we were up for the job, and could do it well. I think when they’re old enough to get it, they will. (Assuming they even question why their cousins are in college and they’re just in middle school. Ha!)

Anyway, I just want you to know that I feel good about our decision, and I’m relieved that you do too. I also want you to know that I’m busting my butt to get what I feel I need to get done so that I can be ready when that clock starts ticking, and I believe that you are doing the same. I also want you to know that if for any reason we find out we’re going to be parents a little sooner than we’d hoped, I will still be overjoyed and I think we’ll be awesome at it just the same. We’ll also still be able to make our dreams come true. The roads to our individual success won’t close, they’ll just have detour signs posted that say, “Kid Friendly Route This Way”. Okay? Love you!

XOXO,
The Wife

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19 Responses to Dear Husband: I Am So Glad We Agree On Not Having Kids Yet

  1. You guys married at the right age. I wish I had time on my side to enjoy my husband without having to think about kids but I don't. But it's a lot of fun trying though!

  2. Johanna says:

    Aw that letter is so cute. I think you guys are making decisions for you and not other people which is how it's supposed to be.

  3. DJ E says:

    Love this Article B'More lol!!!! I can SO relate as a "fairly" newlywed :-). Love the website and blog as well! Keep up the good work hun!

    Erica

  4. Meredith says:

    Here, here! Just because you had a wedding doesn't mean you're ready to start popping out babies. And I wish more people thought about what it means to be a parent of a newborn before they chuck their birth control.

  5. Flo says:

    Aaaawwwww that's a sweet letter, Charli!! WHO told you it would be 3 times a night?! That sounds pretty good to me…I'm pretty sure I was up like every hour on the hour!! I applaud you guys for your decision…enjoy each other first and do the things you want/need to do to reach your full potential! Love you guys!

  6. Roxanna says:

    I loved this post, and as someone who is getting married in less then 9 months i can relate, i'm glad you are doing things on your schedule and not saying sorry for it. for me in particular i do want to have a child fairly soon after we get married because, well, honestly i've been ready to be a mom since i was 20, i'm 28 now and will be close to 29 by the time i get married so for me the timing works out, if i had gotten married at 25 i would have waited until i was 29 to have baby, and well if i wasn't getting married i still would have had a baby at 29, alone.

    so for each person and couple it is different, we're going to let nature take its course, maybe we'll have a honeymoon baby, maybe we're meant to have babies later on, we'll see when we get there.

    by the way i enjoy reading your posts so much, and i miss recording VO's with you!

  7. Alexis says:

    If I could count how many times we get the when are u guys gonna try u know ur getting older ugh all I say is we are getting better and learning to love each other more. So when that day comes we wont forget how the baby got here and we wont let being parents get on the way of being life partners. Xoxo loving my other half

  8. Congratulations, it's your life, live it and see fit.

  9. Lauren says:

    I am a member of the choir sangin', "When are you guys gonna make a baby?" I can't agree with the folks above!!!!!!! As a new mommy with a 2 month old, I am loving the experience. When I first started telling friends, family and colleagues that I was pregnant I began to experience a community that I never even dreamed of. One of my colleagues told me that she was so happy for me, "when a person you know who possesses (sp) many of the good things in the world tells you they are having a child it makes you sleep a little easier. You feel like the quality of life and possibly the world has improved a littel bit." I cried right then and there, it was a true compliment to my single mother, my daughter's awesome dad, and the hundreds of people in our different communitites. And that's how I personally feel about this man, wife, and sometimes the dog! So yes, blame it on the new baby, the fact that I feel like we are kindred sisters, or that I think you guys have just plain ran out of reasons but I feel that same goodness and I am waiting with baited breath for you to say, "Lauren…….I'm pregnant!"

  10. Summer says:

    As someone who "thought" I was ready to have kids, I got a REAL reality check when I reconnected with several of my close high school friends. They each have a 4 and 6 year-old and they STRUGGLE daily. It's NOT easy. It's a constant struggle to live up to the expectations they have set for themselves, the guilt they leverage on themselves for not being the "perfect" mom and being there every moment for their kids, AND an ongoing battle with their husbands and family members to recognize they are more than just moms. (BTW, these two have masters degrees, volunteer, hold executive level positions, and contribute to half the family income!)

    I'm glad I've held out for this long – motherhood is the toughest job you'll ever have, and while it has it's many joys, it also has it's many pitfalls and learning experiences. Having a baby doesn't make you a mom – being a nuturing, caring human being who doesn't lose herself in the process and can laugh at herself is what makes you rock star mommy material.

  11. Tiffany says:

    I completely agree. And while I don't believe anyone can ever be 100% ready to become a parent, I am starting to get that mommy itch. I'm hoping it happens maybe sometime next year. It's weird because I never used to care if I had kids or not. It doesn't matter though because hubby still isn't quite ready yet. That's definitely not something I want to force or rush!

  12. The Man says:

    As The Man I agree there are a lot of things I need to improve on in order to be the best father I can be to my future kids. I love that my wife feels the same way and that's why i married your brilliant ass! You get it. As far as the timing is concerned I'll wait till the time is right as long as you push me out a boy when the times does come. Deal? I'm looking forward to meeting Gibran Jr. haha just kidding i know you don't want a jr.

    Love you baby.

    Your Man

  13. Elizabeth says:

    well… looks like I'm ahead of you a little bit. We have been married for a 1 1/2 years… We have had the talk…I think that it is time… (Deep breaths).. for babies!!

  14. ManWifeDog says:

    I'm wowed by how fired up the convo got on this one. Love it! I appreciate what you're ALL saying and believe it or not, I agree with little pieces here and there of all of it. Motherhood is beautiful. We're not ready yet, but if it happens we will get ready. Case closed. :-)

  15. Jami says:

    Oh my gosh…it's like I wrote this! I don't know how many times I express exhaustion and the instant reaction is I mush be pregnant…no big deal that I just worked 10 hours. Sure I'm kinda getting the itch but haha I don't think we are ready at all!

  16. Gail White says:

    I am here to tell you, you can be happily married for 44 years with the just the dog (or in our case, cats) and no kids whatever. The romance never goes away.

  17. You guys married at the right age. I wish I had time on my side to enjoy my husband without having to think about kids but I don't. But it's a lot of fun trying though!

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