What are they? Nights when we both agree to disagree on what to do together so we decide to do things apart. These nights make our marriage stronger. They keep us from smothering each other or going crazy because we’ve been around one another just a few minutes too much. They keep The Man feeling like he has a life that’s not always about his wife. They keep this wife confident that she’s getting in the necessary dosage of weekly girlfriend time or me time and that her life, although often crazy, still has balance.
Tonight I will go and support a good friend as she gets her Karaoke on to celebrate her birthday, and my husband will have a few good friends over to indulge in football, whiskey, and whatever else guys do when the ladies aren’t around. Tonight we will love each other and miss each other equally as much, but we won’t need to be together to prove it. We actually do call them “Separate But Equal” nights. We invented the idea four years ago to save our relationship when we realized we fought the most when we spent too much time together and away from the other people/places/things in our lives that give us joy. The idea of taking at least two nights a month where we purposely stay away from each other was then born. And let me tell you it works! (Sometimes we even…chat over dinner or during car rides about what we’re going to do for our next “separate” nights out. It’s funny, and oh-so-effective. In fact, every now and then we get a good laugh out of the fact that we’ll both be doing something else, somewhere else, without each other yet still be texting back and forth that we’d rather be at home with each other. Those times we’ll often leave early or pick a halfway point to meet just to steal back a few minutes more time that we thought we needed apart. I think we laugh when this happens because it reminds us just how much we really do love each other – even when we think we could use a minute without each other.
So, if you’re in a relationship or married and you think smothering each other (even if it’s with love) might be the problem, I suggest you institute a Separate But Equal policy and see how it goes. You can even come back and tell me about it – would love to hear if it helps you like it has helped us! Well, we’re off! Happy Saturday night everyone!
- The Importance of Growing Together (And How We Have Managed to Do It So Far) (manwifeanddog.com)