An Ode to the Nice Guys (Ladies You Have Probably Already Met One)

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The day a nice girl got her nice guy -- for life.

I stumbled upon this hilarious piece called an “Ode to Nice Guys” the other day. It’s basically an unapologetic rant about how women overlook great guys in their lives every day. It made me think about the “nice guy” I married, and reminded me of many of the things that I love most about him. Though, I don’t agree with every word of this piece by any means, there is still so much truth intertwined within the words. Women so commonly ignore the best guys in their lives, who are (cliché or not) most often right in front of their faces.

Ladies, why do we this? I bet there really is a “nice guy” in your life that you haven’t really “seen” yet. You may already know him well, or have just met him once or twice before. Believe it or not, I learned this lesson first hand. I saw Gibran twice in my life before I really “saw” him for who he was. Granted, both times I was in his vicinity I was attached to a bonafide jerk who I was “seriously” dating at the time, and I was clearly distracted. Twice before our “big meet”, we were at the same event in the same room and we didn’t connect at all. It’s crazy to imagine that two people with the kind of chemistry we share could actually not feel sparks from across a room. I mean seriously, I had two prior chances to get to know my future husband and each time we overlooked each other’s very existence? Why did I not “see” Gibran back then? He was the nice guy in the room and I was drawn to the asshole on duty. Some will argue that it wasn’t our time to meet, and that timing is everything. But, I sometimes wonder if I was even worthy of a great guy like him back then. How could I deserve something I couldn’t even recognize? It’s something to think about for sure…but anyway, I digress.

Here’s the passage that got me to thinking about all of this. (I’ve bolded the most noteworthy parts for quick reading if you only have a minute or two.)

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks.

Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well-deserved vindication is coming.

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13 Responses to An Ode to the Nice Guys (Ladies You Have Probably Already Met One)

  1. Saleemah Staten says:

    Absolutely positively wonderful! Charlie thnx for sharing your perspective on this topic and giving me confirmation. Recently I've had this conversation with many women who all have been feeling the same way but were too ashamed to admit…so I'm going to share your story with them. Although we just met months ago (I know can you believe it…it seems like forever) there are some things I can recognize in ppl right away…and I can feel your loving energy. I am so happy for you and all your blessings! Will keep you posted on my "Ode to a Nice Guy" ;)

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Aww, Saleemah!!! Thanks so much for all of the kind words and the honesty girl. It really is cruical that we women recognize the good in our lives and not be ashamed to want a healthy happiness — no matter what package it might come in. I'm glad it's a dialogue you and your friends have been having too. I seriously can't believe it took me as long as it did to figure it out, you know? Have a blessed New Year diva and please always keep in touch! :-)

  2. Joy says:

    Charli! I had this exact same ah-ha moment recently. I've realized that most women attract all kinds of men, we just CHOOSE to date the same kind of guy. Hoping more woman get it before it's too late.

    • ManWifeDog says:

      You're so right Joy! I mean it really is a choice we make. Then we keep kicking ourselves for ending up in the same place each time. I feel like it's one of those "off the beaten path" scenarios. Should we choose the man less traveled? You know?

  3. Summer says:

    Watching you and Gibran has taught me so much about what "real" love is vs. what I had encountered in the past. Finding a man that truly finds you beautiful when you're sick and throwing up, or feeling bloated, or patiently sits through your fave movies or TV shows just because it makes you happy is worth SO MUCH MORE than the guy who loves you when it's convienient for him or when he needs someone to make HIM feel better. A nice guy might not always be worth six figures, but sometimes just having them in your life is worth it's weight in gold:)

  4. Matt says:

    I was once told by a girl breaking up with me that I was "nice to a fault" and that was a hard pill to swallow. Here I thought that love was about giving and showing your feelings through acts of kindness. How did that become a detriment in her feelings for me? After that I became much more closed-off and reluctant to do things for women I was with for fear that it would lead to rejection, instead of affection.

    As you know, Chari, I have now found someone who appreciates my kind acts and have allowed me to once again feel good about doing so instead of fear that I'll be rejected for them. And for that, I appreciate women like her and yourself who have transcended their unconscious lure towards douches and have realized the true value in someone who is there to love and support you instead of make you feel undeserving and unlovable.

    Being "nice to a fault" isn't a guy who opens doors, gives you acceptance, folds your laundry, or takes care of your crazy cat for you while you're out of town. Those are all labors of love. The only time that you're nice to a fault is when you let a woman walk all over you and not show any kind of appreciation or value in the kind words and actions you extend to them. Or enabling a high maintenance woman by being her minion.

    Charli, I'm glad you found your nice guy because you deserve it. And he deserves someone that loves him for it!

    P.S. It's true that nice guys don't get laid enough, lol.

  5. ‎…It's true MANY ladies have already met nice men that would make wonderful life partners/husbands! We are never taught or learn that boyfriends/ husbands/ life partners, need to be our friends. LIKE REAL DEAL FRIENDS!!! I'll leave this advice that was impressed upon me by 1 of my Delta Mommas (Mrs. B): "Those cool guys are overrated; sexy is the man that is 100% about you"…

  6. Felicia says:

    Beautiful… Something for me to thin about…

  7. I can relate, girlie – I married a "nice guy," too, and highly recommend it! ;)

    • ManWifeDog says:

      I can so tell from reading your blog! Ha! :-)

      • Asrul says:

        There is no way I would want to know! When dating, I kept it silpme. If a guy liked me, he would want to go out on another date. If he did not ask, then he just was not interested and I moved on. Why torture yourself with why? Dating is tough enough!

  8. Mimi says:

    I've finally allowed myself to recognize the nice guy in my life after 10 year :-/ and I'm so glad I've opened up to him. I can't wait to see how we progress together.

    *Love your blog btw :)

    • ManWifeDog says:

      Mimi good for you girl! I love it! Best wishes to you two and I hope your relationship grows and makes you very happy. Thanks for visiting and for the compliments — come back soon! ;-)

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